A Great Book to Prepare the Way

I'm in a holding pattern of sorts right now. I know I'll be launching into some great new stuff heading into fall, like being in, if not facilitating, a small group Bible Study.
But for right now, I'm in the preparation stages. I know, I've been here before. I'm at a new stage of learning who God is, where Jesus is in all this, and to renew my heart and mind before I begin the tasks I've been assigned. Part of this preparation includes a great book my friend Pam let me borrow. I have no idea what she thought I was asking for when I thought I was asking for suggestions regarding a certain topic of study for my homeschoolers - but as usual - God worked through Pam to get me what I needed. This book is called Calming My Anxious Heart by Linda Dillow. I'm only half-way through it, but it's already making internal changes in me that I know I need before undertaking projects in this new chapter of my spiritual walk. Some of the topics include contentment where you're at, striving for heavenly, not earthly treasures, appreciating what you have, forgiveness, growing relationships, and more.

I think it's amazing how God can use someone who came from such a messed up background like I had. And it feels very reassuring to know that he finds ways to help me prepare for the assignments He gives me. I'm not confident in what I can do, but I'm very confident in what God can do, if I just remain open to His direction, trust His leading, and stay out of my own way (with fears and insecurities). He's allowed me to witness miracles, changed lives, and things that the word "coincidence" couldn't BEGIN to describe!

I may not know the whole plan, but I do know this: God has a plan. It's going to be for the best. And I'm happy to get to be a part of it, even if it's just one step at a time.

Feeling Truly Blessed

This week I have felt truly blessed. After a very rough couple of years, my life is in a place of rest. A place to reconnect with God's holy spirit, to appreciate His blessings and gifts in my life, and to strengthen my relationship with Jesus.

I've been taking time to list things I'm thankful for - and the list is over 100 items long already. Here's just a few of them:

palm trees, cool mornings, warm & sunny days, a home of our own, having Tim home for 5 days, family dinners, birds singing, green grass, having good kids (in spite of all of them being teenagers), access to so many healthy & organic food choices for my family, Tim's job being enough to pay our bills, friends I love, miracles I've seen, and so many more!

Take time to give thanks for what you have that's good in your life. If you're in a place where that's hard right now, write them down - even the littlest things.

Philippians 4:8
Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable -- if anything is excellent or praiseworthy -- think about such things.

Taking a breather

I'm just so thankful that God allows me to "take a breather" when I need one. I was super-busy when we first moved here, trying to get the house in order, the unnecessary stuff had to be stored in the shed, or thrown out, or donated to Goodwill. I had to be sure the kids finished up this year's homeschool stuff, and Tim was gone for a 2-week run (still has another week to go), so I had to learn to be a single parent to three very emotional teenagers while he's away. This weekend, I get to take a breather. I'll get a few chores done around here, but I'll get to spend some time with the kids, maybe watch a movie, do some cooking, enjoy church Sunday morning, and then plan out the next week. Trying to create a new schedule to keep the kids from being bored (yet again) seems to be a high priority right now. I like that although I believe I'm here to make a difference in the lives of new friends, neighbors & acquaintances, I get time to just rest, relax, and recharge first. I have such a hard time finding the happy medium between being too busy and bored. This time, living here in town, I plan on allowing God to dictate how, when, and where we spend our time. I'm not going to just jump into everything I can and hope God blesses my efforts. Instead, I'll learn to wait on His direction - to be sure I'm doing what HE wants me to be doing, not just what I happened to come across. My hope is that the next (and last) 4 years of our homeschooling journey will be wonderful, and my kids will grow into mature Christians who want to live a life of servant leadership for and to those around them. I pray to become a good example for them. I hope our marriage continues to grow stronger and closer in the process, in spite of Tim's new work schedule having him on the road most of the time. Only by obedience, trust, faithfulness, and prayer can I become what I was meant to become in order to fulfill my true purpose in this new season of my life. So what season are you in? What do you hope to do or become this year? What are you thankful for? I'd love to hear from you!

My Glorious!

If you aren't familiar with the song My Glorious by Delirious (or Chris Tomlin), the chorus reads:

God is bigger than the air I breathe, this world I'll leave.
God will save the day, and all will say, "My Glorious!"

How true those words are, and they hit me at 4 a.m. this morning.

If you've been following my regular blog, my last post here, or my Facebook page, you'll see we're moving back to civilization. It's been an incredible journey for me spiritually - from Thanksgiving til now, and it's not over yet. I went from miserable depression and loneliness, to the happiest I've been in a couple of years. And it's all because God stepped in, again.

Here's a quick overview to recap:
1. Thanksgiving Day I woke up feeling lonely, depressed about the loss of so many friends and having no family of my own, and no church family close enough to spend time with on a regular basis.
2. I asked God if He would be willing to step in and change things for us and I would agree to follow and trust, wherever those changes led.
3. God put a plan in motion that resulted in my husband's willingness to change careers, go back to school for a month (while working 3rd shift on his days off, 200 miles away, riding a motorcycle in 30 degree weather/rain/snow showers to save money), and a full scholarship/grant to pay for trucking school. This goes WAY against his normal comfort zone.
4. Of all the company's Tim was looking at to work for, God brought Roehl out of the woodwork for us. I prayed for him to shut down and block all the wrong opportunities and make HIS choice clear, and make that path wide open so we couldn't miss it.
5. Roehl turned out to offer the best pay, best home time, best family-friendly attitude, and shortest training schedule so Tim could start making money as a solo driver sooner.
6. God then turned these events into an opportunity to move back to the city where I now believe (and did 2 years ago as well), that we were never supposed to leave. I believe He brought us to Mesa for a purpose and leaving was Tim's plan, not God's.
7. A friend then blessed us with her and her husband's resources totally out of the blue by offering us an unbelievable deal on renting a home from them. We're getting a 1672 sf home, 3 bedrooms, 2 baths, wonderful yard, at the end of a cul-de-sac, just a few blocks from everything we need, for about 1/3 less than they could easily have rented it out for. Then they offered to totally remodel and renovate - new kitchen, new master bath, yard work, new tile, new paint throughout, the works. I pray God blesses everything they touch in a mighty way.

Then at 4 a.m. I realized just how personal this is getting, and how truly blessed we are with God handling our provision in the transition. Tim & I were talking today and trying to figure out how in the world we ended up with a small paycheck of about $150 when he shouldn't have actually received anything for the week after orientation. The company, through a series of "ball dropping" managed to turn his 1 day off before on-the-job training into 5 1/2 days of sitting, waiting, and not getting paid. Anyway, when we looked at the paystub online, we saw the company had put some reimbursements in his automatic deposit paycheck instead of on the usual reimbursement card like they had been doing. We couldn't figure out why those things were paid completely different than anything we'd seen before. Then at 4 a.m. it hit me! God once again was providing.

You see, we had our van renewal due the day after payday and needed about $100 for that, and we owed now $50 for tithing, since we didn't have the gas money to make it into town for church last week (due to some necessary trips in earlier in the week). Had the company not made what looks like a mistake, we wouldn't have had the money we needed to renew the one vehicle we drive everywhere and need to keep on the road legally. Any driving/auto related problems really can hurt Tim now that he's a commercial driver - driving w/o insurance, a ticket for going through red lights, accidents, they all hurt his career now. So I believe God stepped in, the company did something out of the ordinary, at just the right time, and we were able to pay the one bill that was due immediately and was very important.

I woke up out of a sound sleep and my very first thought was, "Oh! God did that! THAT'S why the company did something so strange!" Where else would that come from since I was sound asleep just moments before?

God will save the day, and I will say, "My Glorious!"

And it just keeps getting better!

Although I know God CAN do everything, I still don't think to "bother Him" with dumb little incidental things. I figure He's busy enough with all the really important stuff of the universe, so why bring up stuff that won't matter 5 years from now? But you know what? God comes through anyway, on stuff I wouldn't dream of or sometimes wouldn't DARE to ask for! Here's an example:

My kids have a running joke about my parking spaces at Wal-Mart. They're the busiest parking lot in any town we go to, and finding a space within a mile of the store can be a challenge. I would never ask God for a close parking space at Wal-Mart, it's an insignificant thing. Yet, no matter what day of the week or what time of day we go, I always manage to find a parking space in the first 3 spaces in one of the closest 2 or 3 rows near the door. I don't ask, it just happens. Even if there's no space available, as I'm approaching those spaces fully intending to drive by, one of the front 3 cars will back out and leave! It always amazes my kids, but I'm careful never to take credit for any of it.

So what did God do this time that was so incredible? Well, it's about our new house that we'll be renting in a few weeks. The agreement with my friend was that we would move into her rental at a more than fair price (almost cut in half what it could've been), and we would take it "as is" without expecting them to do anything to it except fix anything that was found to be actually broken.

Here's a quick bullet point of how it went:
- The previous owner is from the islands, that explains the flourescent blue on the walls, ceilings, and more - and the lime green walls too!
- The master bath is ugly, is that black mold or just dirt? Maybe I can bleach it.
- The rugs were ripped out and there's glue "squiggles" on the cement floors, but I love cement floors, it'll keep the house cooler in summer, so it's okay, we can sand the squiggles off.
- The boys room looks like a carnival tent! It's so dark red & dark blue that it looks like a black room in the middle of a sunny day. What's with the yellow stars painted on the floor? It looks like a baby nursery but it's an older teen guy room?

(These were just fleeting thoughts, but I agreed to "as is", so I didn't ask for anything except maybe a professional cleaning of the master bath. I was just so thankful to have found a place we could afford, love the neighborhood, and it's the last house on a cul-de-sac! I'll take it, and we'll worry about painting later!) I left feeling happy, excited about the move, and so thankful for such a wonderful friend to allow us such a great deal.

So I wasn't asking for anything. "As is" means without complaining, right? I've been telling everyone how good God is to take care of us so well by finding us this house so unexpectedly. I won't bother Him with asking for more, or improvements. I'll be content with what He's provided.

Then God proved His word to be true once again - He knows how to give good gifts and knows our needs before we even ask. Here's what God did for us:

- I get a call from my friend who owns the house, she says they're totally remodeling the master bath before we move in. As for paint, we'll think about the "carnival" room.

- A week later I find out they're redoing the whole house before we move in! New flooring throughout, new tile, new paint in all the rooms, a whole new kitchen with a new island! Updates in the 2nd bathroom, the works! I never could've imagined we'd receive such a wonderful surprise, that our new home would be SO PERFECT! God's blessings are so far beyond anything I could even dream of or hope for!

He is such a wonderful, loving Father. And we recognize it's only by His hand that all this has been possible, we appreciate it, and humbly give ourselves to Him to use any way He sees fit - to have us serve those He brings to our attention, for His glory. It's not confining to follow Christ - It's total freedom and joy!

Learning to Trust - again!

What a week of learning (or should I say re-learning) to trust in and rely on God and His provision!

1: We didn't get a payment we'd been planning & counting on that would be our grocery budget for the month. The day came and gone, the days kept passing w/o the payment, calls were made to no avail, and I began to panic. How would I feed the 5 of us when Tim's barely working 24 hours a week while in school for his CDL/career change?

2: We had to travel from the mountains to the Valley in the biggest snowstorm of the year. With only 2 ways to town, and one road closed to us, our 3 1/2 hour drive turned into a 7 hour nightmare! We were allowed to go 35 miles out of town before they stopped us and turned us back. That was $10 and 2 hours wasted. Then to buy chains - to be allowed to pass on the only other route - and now it's too late on a Sunday, the auto parts places were either closed or out of our popular size. We took another wasted hour to get to the far side of town to go to WalMart, only to find out that they returned the tire chains because...ready for this?...they're a "seasonal item" so by Mid-March they get sent back! The biggest storms hit our area in March/April every year! Anyway, we had to venture back to the other side of town only to find out the road was indeed still open, but the chain restriction had been taken off. More time & gas wasted.

3: The drive on route #2 had us driving behind some very inexperienced and scared drivers. Having grown up in New England, driving through an inch of snow over some ice is nothing new. But for those in front of us, most likely from Phoenix where it never snows, they drove literally, 12 miles per hour even when the roads were just damp with rain, not icy and with no standing snow on the road. Our 3 1/2 hour trip took us 7 hours.

4: We finally got to the hotel provided by my husband's new company at 10:30 Sunday night! My husband was going on just 2 hours sleep since he'd worked the last night of his 3rd shift overnight job the previous night. All we wanted to do was to go to bed, but guess what? They didn't have us in their computer, were totally (over)booked, sent us to another (dumpy) hotel nearby and we had to unexpectedly pay for it until the company reimburses it.

5: Lastly, (I hope), the next morning, my husband had to leave with the van to go to orientation at 7 a.m., had to check us out at 6:30 a.m. so he could submit the receipt for reimbursement, and the original hotel can't get me into a room until sometime between noon and 2 pm! So here I sit in the lobby, no privacy, but I guess at least I'm warm, have coffee available & can use a bathroom if I have to. I'm frustrated, but still thankful for what I DO have.

So why is this about learning to trust? Because every single step of this journey this week, I've briefly gone into a temporary state of panic. I've wanted to just break down and have a good cry to release the stress and frustration. But then I hear that still, small voice that tells me to Trust Him. He WILL provide. He knows my needs even before I ask. And maybe this experience is necessary to make me more sympathetic to others in the same predicament in the future?

Anyway, every single time I did all I could at my end, in my own strength. I didn't just wait for God to fix it. I was proactive as far as it was up to me. Then I stopped. Took a deep breath. Then I acknowledged God's sovereignty. I told Him I won't panic, I'll just relax and let go, trusting Him to unfold the next step - whatever that may be - even if the plan is different than I'd planned for. After that, I found myself more at peace. Less worried. And you know what happened? Each time, ONLY after that point of being at the end of my rope, and confession & acknowledgement - things changed.

My 45 minutes on hold paid off and finally the payment was disbursed so I could buy groceries with enough left over for the rest of the month too. The secondary route to the Valley lifted the tire chains restriction in time for us to get through. The long drive was at least a safe one, not one accident along the way, and no one plowed or slid into us, we didn't go off the road, it was a good time for Tim & I to realize that we enjoy being together even after 20 years of being married. The hotels in the area are almost all booked up because of baseball's spring training, yet we were able to find a room so late on a Sunday night, and it wasn't $100/night. And lastly, the hotel is ready to move me into our planned room as soon as they can, they're treating me very nicely, I got free breakfast, last night's room will be reimbursed, and the company will also be reimbursing us for the gas for the drive down.

God DID come through and provide in every single circumstance, and almost immediately once I stopped and just trusted in Him.

I'm learning to trust - again.

Dare to Believe!

Who would've imagined that just 90 days after my lowest point emotionally and spiritually, God could turn my whole life around?

Just 90 days later, God changed everything and made dreams come alive I didn't dare dream anymore.

1. First, Tim got inspired out of his own depression and frustration, to attend school to get his commercial drivers license (CDL). He was willing to try a brand new career in his late 30s. That's way beyond his usual comfort zone.

2. Because of our financial situation, he went looking for job help & answers and found out he qualified for a total grant to cover the cost of school - about $4000. We never could've saved up enough for him to do that while he worked at WalMart, even with our tax refund (which was 1/4 of what it was last year).

3. He was able to enroll almost immediately, and his work was understanding enough to allow him to work just 3 weekend nights each week and attend school over 200 miles away the rest of the time.

4. Friends stepped up to let Tim stay in Phoenix during his schooling so this could work.

5. The trucking school and the grant people convinced Tim that he'd need to work (and most likely live) in the Valley for at least a year to get experience, then he could basically choose the job he wanted (over-the-road, regional routes, dedicated routes, day driver where you're home at night). This was the opportunity I needed to break out of my depression! Being back in the Valley with the heat, sunshine, palm trees, excitement, friends, and home church...it's all I've wanted since we left almost 2 years ago.

6. With the kids still being homeschooled for another 4 years, moving them three times in 4 years would be too rough on them, so Tim agreed to move us to the Valley for the 4 years it'll take to get the kids through school. After that, they'll be 18 and can choose where to live for themselves. Tim wants to move back up here to Show Low after that, I know he hates the city, but at least we won't have to keep 3 teenagers busy anymore. Gas won't cost over $300/month because the only jobs are 35 miles away.

7. I get to re-engage with old church where we're members. I get to volunteer and be a part of helping them grow and reach out to the community once again. I'm so excited about that part, I can't hardly wait! I love Mountain Valley Church in Scottsdale!

8. I get to reconnect with so many friends I miss dearly.

9. Oh yeah, the money from driving will be the most we've seen in about 6 years!

God's given me more than I could've dared to ask for. More than I ever would've believed. He is good. He knows our hearts. He blesses those that follow, and obey Him. I trust God completely because He's proven Himself to me over and over. What a truly thankful, grateful heart He's developed in me over such a short period of time. Thank you, Lord.

Finding Time for God

It's so hard to understand why I can't find time in the day to be alone with God. I manage to make time for homeschooling, cleaning, running errands, doing research, entertainment, reading, and even sometimes I find time to scrapbook a few pages. I know there's lots of days when I feel bored too - so why is it so hard to find time for God? I think, for me at least, it's guilt brought on by the enemy.

When I was little, I wasn't brought up in a nurturing environment. Life was so crazy that everyone around me was probably in "survival mode" and couldn't really function well outside their own crisis. I always felt what I did wasn't good enough. If I got A's, I heard, "Why aren't they A-pluses?!" If I cooked, cleaned, read, babysat, earned Honors at school, made it into different clubs and organizations, whatever it was - it was never good enough.

As a young adult, I worked for a psychotic woman. If I ever dealt with someone who was truly bi-polar, it would've been her. She would lose things, then threaten or blame me for not being able to find them (even if she lost it at her house where I'd never been). No matter what I did, if things didn't go along 100% smoothly, it was my fault for "not taking responsibility." If other employees stole supplies, I was yelled at for not ordering enough the previous week and it was my fault we ran out. If she went to lunch, she'd return and be mad I either did or didn't tell people she was out of the office, depending on her mood.

Then I got married. I tried to be a great wife, doing what (I thought) was expected of me. I tried to be a great Mom and homeschooling teacher to our three kids. My husband provided for us so I could be with them, yet always seemed angry and resentful with me because he worked and I didn't. I ended up with way more than I could handle, doing lots I'd never had any experience doing, being told, "well I work and that's all I can do, I have to focus on that". Again, it was never enough. If I wasn't actively busy 24/7, I was made to feel guilty.

Now I find myself in my 40s still trying to please others. The first year living here, if I didn't stop doing everything that was important and purposed for my life to cut wood, or work in the garden, or spend hours on canning or preserving vegetables, or stacking wood - then it was implied that I didn't work as hard as everyone else.

If I did all that everyone would like to make my problem, who would educate and train up our children? Who would find new ways to bring income into the home? Who would balance the checkbook, schedule necessary errands, spend hours every week trying to save lots of money on groceries with so few resources available out here? pay the bills? do the cleaning? budget out what little we have to make sure there's enough for gas so Tim can get to work? and so many other things? And what about the things that are important to me? Reading for wisdom and skills? Bible Studies to become a better person, wife, and mother? Exercise that clears my mind, not clouds it? Scrapbooking to preserve the memories of our home before the kids are all gone? Planning with the kids for furthering their education and planning their future with them?

So with all that - how do I shut it all out for a little while every day so I can "sharpen the saw" as Dr. Covey calls it in his book The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People? How do I get everything done I think I'm supposed to do, then do what's expected of me, then do what I'd like to get done, and still have time to rest in Him - WITHOUT GUILT? If I could learn to let go of all these expectations, and get back to just Him and me - without feeling like I should hurry it up to do something else, how much better would every day be? I would imagine it would be the most rewarding thing I could do. It would be the best foundation to build each day, week, month, year, and a lifetime upon. So how do I get rid of the guilt the enemy keeps bringing to mind when I try to make time for God? I guess it's going to have to be through prayer and persistence in the beginning. Maybe eventually it'll be through prayer and habit. The ultimate goal? For my alone time with God to be THE most important thing I do...period! No concerns about what the world says they need from me, nor what I feel I "should" be doing. I doubt Jesus felt guilty about leaving the sick, poor and others who needed him when it was time for him to get away in private to pray and be alone with his Father. I still have so much to learn from Him.

Thanksgiving - the Logical Side

Although emotionally I don't feel appreciative and thankful, logically, I still know that I have a lot to be thankful for. Here's just a partial list:

1. I know I'm saved for all eternity because of the sacrifice Jesus made in my place to pay the penalty for all the sins I've ever committed, as well as those I will commit in the future. My sentence for what I've done has been paid by Him and because of that, I will spend eternity with Jesus instead of suffering.

2. #1 is available for every single person on earth, and I'll get to see my husband, children, and other loved ones in Heaven for all time (those who accept Jesus' gift and sacrifice and chose to let Him be Lord of their lives.)

3. In spite of recent health issues, I'm still relatively healthy compared to so many other people. Cancer is everywhere - especially in my family - so not having been diagnosed with any as of yet is a reason to be thankful.

4. I have been married to the same man for almost 20 years, practically unheard of these days. It's not always easy, and there have been times in the past when I wanted to call it quits, but we got through those times, and even at his worst, Tim is still better than so many others out there. I know that some days I wonder which is easier, being married or being single again with no one to answer to, and the answer is always the same - married to Tim is better, and deep-down, I know we'll be together forever.

5. I have 3 great kids. Being cooped up in the same house 24/7 with no money to do anything fun together is so hard most of the time, but all 3 are teenagers, none smoke, drink, take drugs, or choose to make really bad decisions. I'm blessed to have such wonderful kids, and I accept them where they're at today.

6. It's been hard accepting help from the state to supplement our grocery bill, it's something I never planned on having to do as an adult, but I'm very thankful for the opportunity to feed my family and not watch them go hungry. I try to be the very best steward of the limited resources we do have, spending as little as possible without any waste. I'm thankful we can eat 3 meals a day, and have snacks, when so many right here in Concho can't.

7. Even though it's hard living with my husband's parents, and always having reminders that it's not our house, I am thankful we have a place to live. I still resent Tim making us 3 (us 2 plus Adam) quit 3 good-paying jobs to move here where there's no jobs, no money, no opportunity, and a huge drug problem - I am thankful we live indoors, it's a home with lots of space, and we have wood and heaters to keep warm this winter. We may not have anywhere to go to get some privacy or quiet alone time, but we have lots of square feet to spread out. It beats living in a 1000 sf trailer out here like most families are doing.

8. Although I doubt I'll ever find a church home like Mountain Valley again, I am happy we're at First Baptist in Show Low. There's people similar to our age, they're friendly, there's at least some kind of youth group, we do fun activities every few months, the messages are thought-provoking, but most of all - the Sunday School (and Wed. night studies) bring about real change. They are helping me grow to be more Christ-like, so I am happy for that.

9. Tim has a job. It may not be 40 hours, nor enough to live on, but it's something. We'll be able to keep our auto insurance, phones, and put gas in the car to go to church and grocery shopping. It isn't much, in fact it's the least we've ever lived on, but it beats being unemployed - like so many are having to deal with - especially now around Christmas.

10. I see so many people dealing with tragedies, loss of a loved one, losing a child unexpectedly, losing a spouse, watching relatives suffering with cancer, and so much more. I'm thankful that our family hasn't had to endure such horrific tragedies. We're not better or more special than any other family, so to have been spared things like this, that makes us blessed, and for that, I am truly thankful.

- perhaps in the next few days, I'll list off other little things to be thankful for - and maybe, just maybe, if I make it a daily attitude, the feelings of thankfulness and being content where I'm at will overcome the depression and resentment that I'm trying so hard to get rid of. I'm not perfect, just human, trying to get better every day. I'm not there yet, but at least I'm in the process and moving forward.

Thanksgiving - mixed feelings - the Why of it all.

I have tried to be the encourager to so many over the years, it's something I really work at, but now I think I need one of my own. Today is Thanksgiving. I logically have so much to be thankful for, yet deep down, hidden far beneath the surface, I'm having trouble feeling thankful. Maybe if I talk this out it'll reveal a solution, or better perspective.

This year started so full of hope. Tim & I still had a growing Monavie business that was self-supporting, he had just started working with his father in a new and up-coming text media company that promised more money and freedom than any job. We made plans for travel, to get into a house of our own, to have money to send Adam to college - at least his first semester of community college. And to be able to do something besides spend every day in this cold house all winter, bored and too broke to go to town.

The first 3 or 4 months went well. Money was coming in, things were happening, we were visiting the valley every now and then, we even got to have a full week in the valley for Spring Break! It was a great time, then it all started to unravel around May.

Tim had a new focus and gave up on Monavie, so it died back to almost nothing. I just want to point out that the company is great, the products are all they claim and more, the leadership in place is tremendous, it's US that failed, not the venture.

Then things went sour with his new "boss" (not Dad). They had to part ways and the company's owner turned out to be a person who over promises and under delivers. The software platform became unreliable, as did support. So over the summer, they both quit pursuing this new business, and all our hopes of a home, travel, freedom, and stability was gone, thrown away. I stepped up and started cooking and baking things to sell at our tiny little farmer's market so we didn't lose our auto insurance and phones, but even that would come to an end in the fall.

Around fall, Tim realized that his fears are too big to own a business. He won't talk to strangers, won't do outside sales, and won't call to follow-up because he's afraid they'll quit. Every opportunity God's given us to grow, and become a success, Tim has let fears stop us and he decides his family will just have to settle for less and less, end of story. Well, after losing our home, having to declare bankruptcy, using up all savings and 401K plans, and now having no income - how much less does he think we can deal with? He finally decided to look for a job.

Fortunately, God rewards faithfulness. We never stopped tithing no matter how little we had. When Tim applied for ANY shift, ANY time, ANY days of the week, Walmart hired him for seasonal help, 3rd shift. After a few weeks of hard work, he stood out, and got hired as a full-time, non-seasonal employee. Sounds happy, right? Wrong. Seasonal workers get 40 hrs. a week. Full-time gets cut to 36 so there's no benefits to pay. We finally start to think MAYBE we can earn enough to get our own place, move closer to town, work and church, not have to dump most of his paycheck into the gas tank - and we get another hit. So, Tim pursues a possibility to take a test and some online classes through work so he can become a dept. manager in electronics. So does that pan out? It's never a yes or no - always some kind of "holding pattern". He's told yes, but has to test on company time - then they won't give him the time off the floor to take it - so no change, hours and pay are still cut, and now a bigger percentage of his check is for gas.

Did I mention that during all this, Cancer has ravaged my friends and family? I lost my Grandmother in October, my great-uncle (my favorite relative on that side) is dying of it, my Grandmother's sister is battling a brain tumor, my aunt has breast cancer, my cousin and sister both have pre-cancerous results show up every few months, my other aunt is also sick, and I've already lost an aunt, uncle and grandparent to cancer.

Oh yeah, and I'm getting tested for glaucoma next week because I can't read well anymore because my left eye has gone permanently blurry - while I battle hypertension, adrenal exhaustion, and high blood pressure from all this stress. My waking bp is high, even after a restful night of sleep!

This is my WHY I have trouble feeling thankful. I sit here reading on Facebook how thankful everyone is and tears just start falling. I've spent the last 18 months losing financial stability, friends, family, a purpose, ability to get out of the house, my vision, my health, but...I really do WANT to feel thankful and grateful, because I know things could be SO much worse. I'll write about that later.

Statistics show 1 in 2 will be diagnosed with cancer in our lifetime.

This week has been so trying. I found out Thursday that my grandmother is dying. She's 86 and lived like the poster child for Prevention magazine. As long as I can remember, she lived to tell others about vitamins, all natural foods, using natural products - including toothpaste and soap! She's got cancer in her uterus, lymph nodes, adrenal glands, kidneys and liver. How can this be?

The same night, I found out my aunt on the other side of the family has been diagnosed with cancer this year and is on chemo shots for it. No one told me in all these months. I understand she wants to keep it a secret, but I want to know! I want time to pray for her. Time to talk with her, or write to her. Maybe even time to see her. I want time to ask God to heal her. Please, don't take that away by keeping it a secret if that happens to you.

I also heard 2 other relatives either have cancer, or are under a physician's care for pre-cancerous cells to be treated. This is crazy!

I lost an Uncle and an Aunt to cancer already, and they were both so young! Early 50s! That's only 10 years from now for me! What chance do I have? What's my mother got that I don't know about? What about my kids? So many questions...so many worries...and I'm 3000 miles away from them.

Please pray.

Taking a break?

There apparently will be a pause between the last series and the next one, which I hope will be on Spiritual Gifts. I only write devotionals when inspired, it's too hard to force them on my own, and right now I guess I'm not in the right place to write.

Nothing's wrong necessarily, we're just at a career crossroads with Tim and have some major decisions to make. I don't want to take a single step unless I know it's on the path God has chosen for us. Here's the visual I get:

We're standing at the crossroads, there's about 5 paths we can choose from, but we have no idea where they'll lead, how hard/easy they'll be, nor which one will take us where we want to go. God is on the corner selling "FREE MAPS!!!" if we'll just ask Him. He knows where every road leads, what it looks like, where it goes, leads and ends. Yet, because we're afraid He'll suggest what we don't want to do, we say, "No thank you, I don't need a map, we'll just pick...this road." What is it with men and asking directions? Seriously, we all do it at times, not just the guys.

Anyway, I haven't been able to sleep more than a 3 hour block in over 2 months now, the stress has me on edge, I'm having physical problems from it. I would ask that if you're reading this, please pray for our family. Please ask God to reveal what really has to happen, what path we must take, to close all other possibilities so Tim has to choose the right thing to do, so I can sleep normally again, and our family can stop this holding pattern we've been in for so long. I'm not sure how much more I can endure, and I know he needs answers, the right ones. Thank you.

Part 8 of 8.

If you made it back here after part 7, I commend you. It takes courage, some soul-searching, and a willingness to truly discover God's will for your life. It's a giant step towards making Jesus Lord of your life forever. Today will conclude this series. I hope it's helped the people it was meant for.

Part 8: After a while has passed, you realize that although you really do want to keep this house clean for Jesus (your heart, your mind), it's actually very hard work. As soon as you get one room really spotless, you find out another room has suffered and is now dirty all over again. (Although maybe now it just needs some straightening up instead of a complete overhaul, right?)
The maintaining and keeping such an obedient life is hard and you know what? Many of us just aren't quite up to it. You have an idea! You ask Jesus, "Is there any possibility that you'd be willing to manage the whole house, operate it for me like you did the hall closet? Is it possible for me to give you the responsibility of keeping my house, heart and mind what it should be, so that I can continue doing what I ought to be doing?"

Imagine His whole face lighting up as He replies enthusiastically, "I'd love to! That's exactly the reason I came to you in the first place! You can't live out this Christian life in your own strength, I've known that all along. Let me do this for you and through you. It's the only way it would work anyway. Just remember one thing. I am NOT the OWNER of the house. I am your guest. I have no authority to take charge since this property isn't mine."

You feel such a feeling of freedom and release! All this time Jesus has been your guest and you've been trying to play the host/hostess. Now you'll take on the role you were meant to play. You tell Jesus, "From now on YOU will be the owner and I will be the servant!"

You run to the strong box, excitedly open it up and take out the title deed to your home, describing it's assets and liabilities, it's condition, location and situation. You rush back over to Jesus and eagerly sign it over giving the title to Him alone for all time and eternity. You drop to your knees and present it to Him, "Here it is, all I am, all I have, it's your now, just please let me stay here with you as your servant and friend."

When you do this, Jesus takes your life from that day forward for all eternity. There's no better way to live out your Christian journey. He knows best of all how to use and keep your life. A peace will come and settle deep inside that will remain. You in Him and He in you. May Christ settle down and be at home as Lord of your heart.

Thank you for this time I could share with you at such an intimate level. May the peace of Christ be yours forever.

PS: Join me in the near future as we go through the Spiritual Gifts and learn how to apply them.

Part 7 of 8

Hang on, bear with me, today may be a bit rough, but well worth it in the end...

You've really come a long way on this journey and I'm proud of you for sticking with this. If you've implemented changes in your life already to grow closer to Jesus, I just know He's happy and smiling and so pleased to be closer with you. Things are going better, perhaps, but what if...

One day, you get home after a typical day and Jesus is waiting for you right by the front door. He's got a strange look in His eye, one you don't remember seeing before. He seems to be looking at you in an odd way that makes you a bit uneasy. He gets right to the point, he's so good at that, "There's a strange odor in the house. I think something must be dead around here. It's upstairs and I think it's coming from the hall closet."

As soon as Jesus says this, a little red flag pops up in your mind. You know where He's talking about. In that closet, you have one or two things hidden away you don't want anyone to know about. You keep the tiny little closet locked at all times. They are dead and rotting things of the past, part of the old life. They aren't evil or wicked, just things that aren't right or good to have in a new Christian life. Not only have you tried very hard to keep other people from knowing about those things of your past, but you certainly don't want Jesus to see and know about them! What would he think?! You know you should've gotten rid of them long ago, but there's an attachment to them you find hard to break. You want to hang on to them so badly, yet didn't want to admit they were still here in your house.

Reluctantly, you ascend the stairs with Jesus. You know He won't let this go. As you get closer, you too notice the stench is getting so much stronger, almost overwhelming. He points at the door and says, "It's in there! Some dead thing!"

Okay, now you're a bit angry. You've given your house guest free access to the entire house, made all kinds of changes to suit His way of living, given up quite a bit, but now he's asking, or rather, demanding, do know about this tiny little 2 foot by 2 foot closet? That's where you draw the line. You are NOT handing over the key!

Reading your thoughts, Jesus tells you there's no way He's staying in the bedroom you've given Him on the second floor with that stench permeating everything around! "I'd rather sleep on the back porch!" He tells you. I'm not staying anywhere near that...that...thing, and He starts to head downstairs.

After having been so close to Jesus now, the sudden withdrawal of Him from you hurts. You don't want to lose that closeness, the fellowship, those intimate times together you've enjoyed. You remember the compassion, mercy and love He's shown you already - so unconditional - without shame, guilt and condemnation. Just a true desire to help free you from the world's bondage. A freedom, peace and joy like none you've ever known. You have to make this right between the two of you.

You stop Him on the stairs and tell Jesus, "Here. I'll give you the key. But you'll have to look inside the closet and clean it out because I just don't have the strength to do it." Jesus looks at you with those warm, loving eyes of His and says, "I know you don't. Hand me the key. Just give me permission and authority to clean this mess up and I gladly will." You hand over the key, a bit embarrassed, but relieved. You know it's the right thing to do.

Jesus slowly opens the door. He enters the closet and takes out the putrefying stuff that was rotting in there and threw all of it away. Jesus cleansed the entire closet, removing every last trace of everything that was in there before. Suddenly, there's a wonderful new fragrant breeze that sweeps throughout the entire house! The entire atmosphere of the house changed. You feel a new freedom and sense of victory in your life that brings you to your knees, brings you to tears. Years of struggle, gone, never to have a stronghold in your life like that again!

No matter what sin or pain you may have hidden away in your own hall closet, know that Jesus is ready to cleanse you, remove it, restore you, forgive you, heal you, and make you whole like never before.

Part 6 of 8

If you're just joining us today, I would suggest that you begin at Part 1 and work your way up to Part 6. It will be more meaningful to take these in order.

One day, you're in your bedroom and Jesus is beside you, talking with you, and He asks, "Who's that in the photo beside your bed?" You proudly answer, "That's my boyfriend (or girlfriend, if you're a guy reading this). Although Jesus has proven himself that love comes first over and over, and He's here to help, and your relationship really is a good one, you still feel funny talking about some issues you two are struggling with lately. You try to change the subject when Jesus interjects, "You're not sure if you agree with my teachings on sex, are you? That's it's created, designed and reserved for two people in a covenant marriage? Some days it seems pretty unnatural and impossible to follow those teachings? You think My will may take away or at least limit your full enjoyment of love and life? Is that what's bothering you?"


How does He always know? Silly question. "Yes", you reply.

"Listen carefully to me" Jesus says. "I forbid adultery and premarital sex not because it's a bad thing, but because it's such a good thing! It deepens love and creates a bonding of two lives. It's powerful! So powerful it can bring forth human life into existence! Used properly, sex has the tremendous power for good. The flip side is that used improperly, it destroys all that's good. It becomes manipulation, a power struggle, a weapon, opens wounds, betrays trust in a relationship, can drive a person into self-hatred and guilt, causing them to want to try to hide from God. The list of negatives when abused is almost endless. That's why God intends for it to only be used within the commitment of a loving life-partnership. There's so much more to love than sex."

Jesus continues, "Let me help you in your relationship with the opposite sex. If you fail, or feel guilt and shame, remember that I still love you and will remain with you. Talk to me about it when you're struggling or confused. Acknowledge you've made mistakes in the past and take new steps to stop it from happening again. Rely on MY strength to keep you from stumbling and falling. I promise I'll always be here to help you back up. I can lead you both into a relationship of love and marriage where two individuals really will become one - in me."

I know today's message may seem like it's not helpful to married couples (most of my readers), but maybe it's for you to share with a teenager? A single friend? A divorced or widowed family member who's getting started in the dating process all over again and may be struggling? Someone you know caught in the wrong type of relationship? Adultery? I'm not here to judge anyone else. I'm only here to heal hurts and share the love of Jesus with those who need it, and hopefully the right words will get to the right people through those of us who allow Jesus to work freely through us to bring light into a darkened world. Who can use this encouragement and help today?

Part 5 of 8

If you're still with us on this 8 part journey, my prayer is that Jesus is at work in you, showing you something new - or at least, something you've forgotten but will be able to apply to your situation now. I hope your understanding of His mercy, compassion and love for you is coming through this writing for you. This day may be difficult, so you MUST keep in mind Jesus loves you and didn't come to condemn you. With that said, let's continue the tour..

There comes a time in the tour when Jesus asks you about the Rec Room, you know, where you go and what you do for fun and fellowship with others. Part of you wishes He hadn't asked. We all have certain friends or activities we have or do for fun that we want to keep for ourselves. You don't want to have to give up your fun for the rest of your life to follow Jesus, do you? You know what things or people in your world He wouldn't approve of, so you evade His question.

A little while down the road, you grab your coat and you're ready to head out the door with some of your friends for a "well-deserved, long-overdue, night on the town". Jesus is standing by the front door and asks, "Oh, are you going out tonight?" You tell Him that you are, meeting some buddies at your favorite place to hang out. You're surprised when Jesus says, "Oh good, I would like to go with you!"

Uh-oh. You can't have Jesus with you when you meet your friends. What would they say? What would Jesus say about the place you all hang out? You reply awkwardly,"You know, I really don't think you would enjoy where we're going. And you probably wouldn't be comfortable around these people, they run in different circles. Maybe you and I could go out somewhere together some other time soon. How about tomorrow night? We could attend a Bible class? or a church social event? but tonight, I have other plans. You understand, right?"

Deep down, you know your own feelings would have been hurt by that, you feel that guilt returning, but Jesus doesn't give you a hard time. He very simply says, "As you wish. I must have misunderstood. When you asked me to come into your home, I was hoping we would do everything together and be like best friends. But you're free to make your own choices, freedom of choice is part of our relationship, just know that I'm always willing to go with you."

You reassure Jesus that tomorrow night you'll go somewhere together and head out the door.

A few hours pass and you realize you just aren't having a good time like you thought you would. In fact, you're miserable. You feel awful for leaving Jesus home, after all, what kind of friend are you? You deliberately chose to leave Him out of part of your life. You chose to go places with people knowing He'd never enjoy. That was a choice you made on purpose.

You end up calling it a night earlier than usual and head home. Pulling into the driveway you realize there's a light still on in Jesus' room, so you decide to talk things over with Him. You knock and He opens the door and invites you to come into His room. You explain that you've learned your lesson. You now know that if you leave Him out of your fun too, you won't be able to really have any fun yourself anymore. You recommit to Jesus that from now on, you will be doing everything together. Waiting for the "I told you so" speech, Jesus just walks over to you, gives you a warm hug, looks you in your eyes and tells you with all sincerity, "That would make me very happy, I love when we're together."

Then you both go down to the rec room. Jesus had transformed it for you while you were out. While you left Him behind for personal and selfish reasons, He stayed behind to do something nice for you. He really does practice unconditional love, doesn't He?

In the rec room, Jesus had brought in new friendships, new excitement, new joys you never anticipated. Ever since that night, there's been music and laughter and fun throughout the house. He politely teases, "I bet you never thought you'd have any fun ever again with me around, didn't you? Just remember, I came that my joy would be in you, and that your joy may be full!" (Jn 15:11)

So as you go through your journey, starting today, don't be afraid to let go of things you know are causing separation between you and Jesus. Trust Him to replace those friends, locations, TV shows, music, events, and other distractions. He will replace them with so much joy and happiness and laughter that you never imagined! He loves you and wants to be your best friend, and experience this life with you. Take that first baby step and invite Him into all you do, including your fun. May you be blessed today.

Part 4 of 8, You're half-way there...

Good morning! Hopefully after reading part 3 you've taken at least a moment to sit and talk, or pray, or read with Jesus. Not only does it benefit you, but He misses you when you aren't together. He loves you. If you haven't had time to do that yet, take a minute now...I'll wait...

Moving along on this tour of Jesus' new home, he asks if you have a workshop. Out in the garage, there's a workbench, a few tools, some equipment, but being so busy, you really haven't had time to do much out there. You play around out there once in a while, maybe create a gadget or two, but nothing substantial.

Jesus follows you out to your workshop. He takes a look at the "tools", the skills and talents you have laid out on your workbench. He tells you you've got a fairly good amount of things to start with. Then he asks what you hoped he wouldn't, "What are you producing with your life for God's kingdom?" He picks up a few of the small trinkets and toys you've made in the past and asks, "Is this the sort of thing you've been doing for others with your Christian life?"

You know, you felt pretty good when you managed to make those things. You didn't think you could even do that - but you steadied on and produced something of value. But now, you start to feel a bit guilty. You know if you'd been out here more often, tried a bit harder, you probably could have made so much more with what you have available. You start to explain that you know it doesn't look like much, but my abilities are limited. You tell Him how you feel awkward in circumstances outside your normal comfort zone. You doubt you could do as well as others you've seen. You try comparing your faults to others' strengths and feel just awful.

Then Jesus stops you. He looks at you with more compassion than you expected. He doesn't tell you to stop making excuses. He realizes your inner struggles, puts an arm around your shoulder, quiets your soul, and says, "Would you like to learn how to do better?"

Astounded by this unconditional love, you reply that of course you want to do better! Jesus reminds you, "Remember what I taught you, apart from me, you can do nothing. Come over here to the workbench and just relax - allow my Spirit to work through you. You may be yet unskilled, clumsy and awkward, but through my Spirit, you'll be amazed what you can really accomplish."

You surrender all your feelings and emotions and agree to let Jesus' Spirit work through your heart, your head, and your hands. Jesus puts His hands under yours, you feel confidence in His arms around you. He picks up the tools and begins to work. "Relax, you're still too tense," he jokes, "let me do the work!"

You experience wonder and amazement as you see all your own hands are creating and producing when you allow Him to control the way they work. There's still much to learn, but realize how much better you can do for God's kingdom with the help of the Master Builder.

So don't be discouraged at what you haven't done before, our own abilities aren't important, it's what we can do when we allow Christ to do what He wants with us and our skills we've been given. You'll be surprised at all the two of you can do together!

Part 3 of 8

So far, we've toured the study/library and the dining room. Let's continue our tour...

...Next we move into the living room. It's such a peaceful place. It's quiet, comfortable, has a fireplace, big fluffy chairs, and bookcases. Jesus is also pleased with this room. He suggests that we meet here often so we can fellowship, and have good, long talks together. Can you think of anything else you'd rather do? To have a few minutes alone with Jesus every day?! He makes a promise, "I will be here every morning early to meet with you so we can start the day together."

Every morning I head downstairs for my private, alone time with Jesus. He takes down a book of the bible from the bookcase and together we read, discuss it, apply it. God's truths unfold and my heart sings with the wonder of all Jesus did and does for me. Our friendship deepens to a whole new level I never imagined!

Unfortunately, I have a lot of responsibilities. Little by little I start shortening our time, I guess I'm too busy to take so much time away from what needs to be done. I don't mean to do that, it just sort of happens that way. I sometimes end up missing a day or two in a row.

One morning, I rush out the door, but on the way, I happen to glance into the living room. As I look over, I notice there's a fire in the fireplace and Jesus patiently waiting in His favorite chair for me, across from my empty seat. Suddenly, a sadness sets into my heart. Here is my guest, I invited Him, yet here I am neglecting Him!

I enter the room and apologize. "Have you been here every single morning waiting for me like this?" I ask. He answers, "Of course. I told you I'd be here every morning to meet with you, and so I have." The guilt and shame was overwhelming. Jesus gently assured me I was forgiven. With more love than I've ever experienced from anyone before he continues, "You see, you've been thinking of our time together as your own time of spiritual growth. But you need to know this: I love you, I redeemed you at a great cost, I value our friendship, just the sight of you warms my heart, please stop neglecting this time for MY sake. This is MY time that I enjoy you too."

So today, and every day, please don't leave Jesus waiting along in your living room. Take a few moments to be with Him, to strengthen your relationship. To pray together, and enjoy your long talks with Him. He loves you and He absolutely misses you when you don't make it to your appointed time together.

The meaning of Christ "dwelling" in us. - Part 2 of 8

Last time we left off in the study. We were showing Jesus around His new home with us. We wanted Him to feel comfortable in His surroundings, so He would want to move in and stay with us. The tour continues...

From the study, we walk into the Dining Room, the room of appetites and desires. It's a large room, after all, it has to hold all our wants. We're proud of this room, we've worked so hard to get all the things in it. We "earned" all this stuff and want more.

We tell Jesus how proud we are of this room. We just know He'll like what we serve in here. Being a good guest, Jesus sits down at our table and asks, "What's on the menu tonight?" Not thinking, we want to appear to have such an abundance (we've played this game with the world for a long time, we're good at it). We rattle off, "All our favorites! Money, Education & Degrees, Stocks, Nice Cars, and on the side, newspaper articles of Fortune and Fame!"

Although there is nothing wrong with any of these things, it's just not very good food to feed the soul, nor satisfy true spiritual hunger. When all the plates are brought in, we look over and notice Jesus isn't eating. Wondering what's wrong, we ask, "Don't you like what we have?" His answer isn't one of judgement, or disappointment, or guilt. Jesus simply offers us something more, something better. He offers, "I have food you don't yet know of. Food that can really satisfy you! If you want that type of food, then do the will of the Father who sent me. Stop striving for your own indulgences and satisfactions. They aren't lasting anyway. Just try a bite and see that what I say is true."

Suddenly everything on the table changes! Now before you there is new menu items. You try a bite - what amazing flavor! and depth! and texture! It's like nothing you've ever had before! There's nothing else like it in the world! It's totally satisfying and leaves you full. In that moment, you realize that every other thing you had leaves you hungry.

So what's on the menu in your dining room of desires? What types of foods are we offering to our Lord? to ourselves? 1 John 2:16 speaks of the lust of the eyes, lust of the flesh and pride of life. These are empty and unsatisfying. Instead, try a bite of doing God's will instead of following your own agenda. I know it may be new and strange at times, but if you let it, it will become your soul-satisfying meat and drink.

The meaning of Christ "dwelling" in us. - Part 1 of 8

Let me take you on a short, 8 part journey to understand the true meaning of how to have Christ dwelling in you - if you do, it'll change your life.

After understanding and accepting the gift that Jesus took on our sins so that we would be able to live in heaven for all eternity, you begin your journey as a Christian. Then you start to read the Word and maybe some of it's what you remember hearing before, but most of it becomes brand new information. Your perspective and understanding changes, your motivations and character begins to change and improve. You may get involved in a local church, maybe even a bible study. Your bible becomes your Owner's Manual or Survival Guide (depending on where you're at, I guess). But then along the way you hear about Jesus wanting to "dwell" in you. That's not a word you hear anymore. What exactly does that mean? to dwell?

One dictionary defines dwell this way: to live or stay as a permanent resident; reside. 2.to live or continue in a given condition or state: to dwell in happiness. That's a pretty good definition. It's not about temporary conditions, it's not a feeling, it's not dependent on circumstances that happen that moment, it's got nothing to do with how you're treated by others, it's a permanent, on-going state of being. So let's see how that relates to Jesus dwelling in us.

I know we all have good days and bad days. Some days we do well, make good choices, spend quality time with loved ones, and feel very blessed. Those days, it's easy to "feel" that Jesus is dwelling in you. You want to do good things, serve others, give people the benefit of the doubt, etc. But what about on those bad days?

Do you find yourself feeling more selfish? Do you end up in an end of the day pity party? Feel like a martyr doing everything for everyone else with no thank you's or acknowledgement for all you do? Do you feel like God's mad at you because you didn't get what you wanted? Or worse, because you ended up with something bad you didn't deserve because of someone else's choices? What about days like this? Still feel Jesus dwells in you? Hard, isn't it?

Here's what changed everything for me...in our adult Sunday school class, we were given little booklets called, "My Heart - Christ's Home" by Robert Boyd Munger. It's less than 30 pages and fits in your back pocket, but it changed everything for me. Here's the gist of it:

Rev 3:20 is where Jesus says he knocks on the door, and if we choose, we open the door and let Him in. I want you to begin to visualize this with me. You've invited Christ to make His home in you, so picture an actual house. Christ knocks on the literal door, you open it, and invite Him to move in. Step 1.

Because Jesus is your new guest, you want Him to be comfortable in your new home together. You start a tour to show Him around. The first place you go is the study or library. As He's standing there with you, you suddenly become aware of the books and magazines lying around and realize they make you embarrassed and Jesus seems a bit uncomfortable around them. The pictures on the walls are your thoughts, and now He's seeing them - the good AND the bad ones. You turn and ask Jesus if He would help you clean up this mess and make it how it ought to be. There's NO condemnation, no guilt trip, just a loving friend who says, "Of course I'll help you! I've come to make things better for you, to help you put things right." The major change after tossing out the bad or wrong things you'd been hanging onto is to hang a new picture on the wall, one of Jesus, hung centrally on the wall of your mind. You'll still struggle with controlling the other images, but it will get easier if you focus on Him first. When you focus on Jesus' presence, purity and power, the other images begin to back away. This is NOT about focusing on your mistakes of the past - just the changes needed to have a more successful future.

If you struggle in this room (of your mind), fill the study with His Word, bring Jesus here with you to study together. Learn from what the Scriptures have to say.