Standing in the Doorway

I've spent the last week contemplating this strange feeling I have inside. I can only describe it as "standing in the doorway." I'm not sure exactly where the door leads. It's like I'm in the doorjamb and one side of the door opens to a wonderful, new, exciting season of growth for our church and congregation. We've been through a lot lately, including seeking God's will for a new lead pastor. Those in charge are trying very hard to make the most God-honoring decisions possible moving forward. The other side of this door leads to the judgement on America for leaving its Godly heritage, mocking God, and as in the Tower of Babel, our country has decided to be its own god. Anything immoral, unnatural, self-serving, shocking, and even "the unthinkable" has become not just accepted but embraced. Reading the book The Harbinger by Jonathan Cahn was a real eye-opener, but this isn't about the book in particular. I think the hardest thing right now is knowing which side of the door I should be facing. Am I to step into the church growth side, shut the door behind me, and withdraw from the world? Should I step into the judgement side and do all I can as a one-person "nobody in particular" to pray, and shout out for the country to repent? Repent. The last few generations don't even know what that word means. It's not in their vocabulary and I know it wasn't in their educational upbringing. Is it too late to save our country? Or are the things going on warnings because God is merciful and is willing to give us yet another chance to return to Him? Or again, should I just focus on my church and help it to be the light on the hill in a dark world? Maybe it's too late to turn our country around but can I be used by God to help heal those hurt in the wake of these illogical, cruel decisions being made, especially by our government, that are threatening those of us who call God our Father? I don't know which way to turn, but I know I can't stand in this doorway forever. I realize the church side of the door may actually be much bigger than I can see from that vantage point. Maybe it's a call to grow "THE" church, not just my own? Maybe it's to help those in my circle of influence to grow into Spiritual warriors, then together we can begin a revival. Our country sure needs another Great Awakening. But is it really too late? We know have a voting culture that grew up without a definitive right/wrong, without absolutes when it comes to convictions and beliefs. It grew up believing anything and everything is acceptable. There's no accountability for anyone's actions anymore - just blame. Save the trees and whales but murdering children for convenient birth control is acceptable. The government that should be protecting us agrees to allow companies to poison our food supply and an out-of-control rate, while penalizing those trying to grow organic foods of their own. There is no sanctity of life, of marriage, of anything. I see so many people on Facebook posting about animal abuse, yet abortion is called "choice"? I don't know which way I'm supposed to step out of this door frame, but I know I can't stay here forever. I need to decide soon. I'm just waiting for guidance. I probably haven't explained it well in words, but it's a sick feeling that's got me up at night, dizzy with thoughts during the day, and it's starting to really affect my health and well-being. It's hard to describe a feeling, or intuition, or hunch, or whatever you want to call it. Whatever this is - it needs resolution and soon.

The Truth Project

Yesterday our Women's Bible Study group (our daytime study) began a new series from Focus on the Family called The Truth Project. What a great study! Lesson 1 was all about "truth". What it is, what it isn't, why it's important, and how it's foundational to faith. It's presented in a way that once you see what God's truth is, it's easy to see how the rest of the world is so opposite in their thinking. For me, it confirmed what I've always said about being a Christian affects how you should vote on issues. Everyone else is free to vote their own beliefs, but being a Christian doesn't leave any real wiggle room for how you see the issues. Our discussion afterwards wasn't quite a discussion. It was more like sharing our amazement and eye-opening moments that we'd just experienced watching the Lesson 1 video (which you too can find in a search online). Some of the highlights mentioned included how anything other than The Truth is a lie, a falsehood, and has no truth in it. The definition given for insanity was the loss of touch with reality, and believing the lie is real - that of course leads to problems, because people who are insane then act upon their perception of reality. What I liked was the illustration they used about a young child jumping off the diving board for the first time, into the waiting arms of a parent. He's full of fear and doubt (like us many times), but his faith in his parent, believing they will catch them as truth, helps him to overcome his fear and feelings. Then he is able to act in courage and strength to accomplish what he couldn't possibly have done without that faith, without believing the truth that his parent loves him and is there for him, to catch him. Such a great picture of us with our heavenly Father. The best question was the last one: "Do you really believe that what you believe is really real?" If we did, if we believed that all God's promises were true, every one of them, all the time, just IMAGINE what we would do! Just think how unstoppable we'd be to change the world! We'd never be stopped by fear and doubt again. Watch the video and see for yourself. I'm not sure if this will work for you, but I found it here: http://vimeo.com/34359650 It's about an hour long, but it will build a strong foundation and you won't walk away unchanged. Have a great rest of the week.

God comes through...AGAIN!

I can't understand how people think that faith is pointless, that there is no God, or that either way doesn't matter. My experience time and time again over the past 20+ years is so different! God has gotten us through so much. He's brought Tim & me together in a way that couldn't have just happened. He saved our ectopic pregnancy and Adam was born healthy. He found us amazing real estate deals over the years. He got us through marriage situations to bring us to the wonderful place where we are now - closer than ever. He protected us from harm so many times. He found me a job when I had no resume, no experience for 20 years, and no skills to put on paper...and it was at my favorite place of all, the tea house. He got us through our bankruptcy and foreclosure as well as teaching us all important life lessons I'm convinced would not have happened any other way. He brought us back here where we belong - closer, wiser, and more appreciative than ever. He found us the only place we could afford by orchestrating events that would never have happened on their own, and it turned out to be more than I could have ever hoped for. He was there through my ovarian cancer scare this fall when suddenly, all 3 cysts (one was solid and almost 7" long, sitting on my ovary the size of an almond, and causing all kinds of pain and other bad symptoms) - they just disappeared overnight the evening before my follow-up ultrasound. I literally felt the pain leave my body and had a total sense that everything was cleared. I was afraid to hope for such a miraculous event, but that's exactly what happened. Now, God comes through again! We know our rent is going up May 1st. It's a fair raise, bringing it up to fair market value, but coupled with a soon to be rising water and electric bill for summer, it would be way more than we could, or should, afford, especially if we're trying to save to buy a house next fall. I did ask that if it was God's will, we'd like to stay here as long as possible until the end of our yearly lease so we didn't have to move out of a nice house and neighborhood prematurely. Just as the increases start, we will be moving into a new place near here that we've waited for since December! We'll have tons of amenities including a pool for the summer, almost the same square footage, and it'll cost $100 less than our rental increase! On top of that, we'll have no water bill anymore, it's included in the rent. We also anticipate lower electric bills, since the upstairs and next door neighbors will be running their air conditioners as well, it won't be just ours trying to keep the building cool - and heat rises, so being on the first floor will help too. The windows should be more efficient as well, since I believe they are newer than the ones here. Once again, God comes through, and my experiences with a real, loving, living God continues. People can believe what they want, but they can't take away all my experiences of my relationship with God. As for me and my household, we will serve the Lord.

Lifting the veil

The bible talks about how before becoming a Christian, we all have a veil that prevents us from seeing God's truth. I get that concept well enough, but when I come face to face with non-Christians I love and care for, it's so apparent what the bible is talking about. Recently I had the special blessing of spending time with relatives I haven't seen in years. We had lots of fun together, laughed for hours, enjoyed each others' company, and talked about so much. It became so clear to me how blinded the world makes people nowadays. When I was growing up, there were many households that didn't attend church. After all, my friends' parents (and mine) were from the 60's teenage generation. Question everything - do what feels right to you - oppose your parents' values, and all that. But even so, the kids I grew up with still had a sense of there being a God out there somewhere. They still respected the difference between right and wrong. They still followed the basics of what the bible teaches. So how, in such a short amount of time, did we get to where we are today? The relatives I spent time with don't go to church, and that's okay, it's their choice. They also have absolutely zero interest in what is truly right and wrong, everything is subject to feelings, or "situational ethics". The right thing to do is what they feel like doing at the time. Also, I noticed, that unlike within my faith, there's very selfish undertones. I don't mean this in a derogatory way, I'm not saying they're selfish, really. It's just that in my church, for example, when one of us hurts, our brothers and sisters in Christ hurt with us and want to pray and help us. If one of us is rejoicing, we all rejoice together. If one of us has an experience where we see God at work, we share that, and learn more about Him together. There's none of that in this world. Not to the same deep, inner degree, anyway. Everything seems to be about self: what I want, how I feel, what I want to happen, I want to go first, they aren't my problem, etc. There's so little regard for anyone beyond the niceties and politically correctness of those around you. During our conversations, I noticed such a lack of comprehension about trying to live God's way. Comments were made about how you can't live without bad stuff, bad language, and fallen people (my term, not theirs) all around. I believe that's true, you can't live in this world without encountering it all. It's not going away til the end of time. You can't escape it without living in a bubble, and that's pretty self-serving to do that. What the veil keeps others from seeing is that you CAN live among the world but not become part of the problem. You can be the example of living a life of joy, selflessness, sacrifice, freedom, etc. You don't have to use the same bad language as those around you. You can choose what movie and tv shows you put in your head. You can choose who you surround yourself with for friends and support, you can choose to be honest, even when no one's looking, and you can choose to love people. They really didn't even see that as an option. The general opinion was that since everyone around you is doing all this bad stuff, you might as well jump in and do it to. Fitting in is more important than standing out and standing for something that's not easy. How I wish I could lift veil and they could see the joy, hope, direction, peace, and love that could be theirs. It's not my place to force it down anyone's throat. It's just that, because of my love for them, I want them to find the wonderful things they're missing. I want them to experience all the GOOD that they could have. I want the best for them. I know there's false beliefs out there about Christianity that turns people off, and some unfortunate truths and statistics too. I hope I was successful in our short talk on the subject in conveying some truth. We don't follow a book of strict rules. We aren't perfect. We should not be judging others, that's not our place. It's not about having to "do" or "be", but it's about a free gift of salvation through Jesus that gives us everlasting life. I tried to explain that our home church has a motto, "No perfect people allowed." I know in some churches, the members are the worst at being judgmental, holier than thou, and hypocritical. I try to help people see that that isn't Christianity, that's just people, human nature, but it's still wrong - especially for those who Jesus forgave so much! I tried to explain that we don't have a long list of do's and don'ts. It's basically, love God, and love people, and accept that Jesus paid the price for you. That's it. If you love God, you'll want to please Him and do what's right. If you love others, you'll be less likely to be selfish, critical, manipulative, deceptive, etc. I don't know if it made any difference at all, but my job isn't to convert the world. It's to be like Johnny Appleseed. I plant seeds of faith, and move on. If their timing is right, and the Holy Spirit steps in, the seeds will grow. Maybe I'll never see what grew from those seeds, and maybe nothing will come from some of them, but some will grow big and strong and have deep roots. They'll produce more "seedlings" themselves, and people will be saved.

Connecting.

The past two weeks have been filled with disappointments, hurts, anger, sadness, and other feelings that throw us off the right path. The truth is, many of these things are not directly involving me. They involve my sisters and brothers in Christ, my Spiritual "family." My heart just breaks when I know one of my friends has been hurt, or the enemy has just hit them with something terrible (unexpected or not). What we all need in times like this is CONNECTING. The bible says in Hebrews 10:25, "Don’t stop meeting together with other believers, which some people have gotten into the habit of doing. Instead, encourage each other, especially as you see the day drawing near." We were meant to be God's family, brothers and sisters who go through life together. We should try to be and stay connected to others during our hard times. Unfortunately, we all know we have times when we just need to deal with things alone and process the situation for a while, but after that, we should connect with our "family" of God again. So how does someone get connected if they aren't already? Step one would be to find a church home or a Christian friend. I say both of these because I realize many people have been hurt by the church, or have spent years thinking they have to "clean themselves up first" before coming to church. If that sounds like you, then work on finding one friend who is a true follower of Christ, who lives what he or she says. If you have friends that you already know you would like to learn from, or you would like the hope and joy you see them living out, then find a church home. Find a place that's non-judgmental, that welcomes people to bring their questions, and to just blend in until they're ready. Once you found a friend, or a church (which usually leads to a friend or two), then get connected by getting involved. It could be a baby step like having coffee with a new friend. Or if you're willing, you could attend a bible study or a home small group study with someone you know. If you're really brave and need to connect, you could always try out a new study or group even if you don't know anyone, but I understand that's not most people. Once you find a group of people to do life with, to learn from, to share experiences with, then you can start to connect in new ways. Maybe some of you will work on an outreach program together. Maybe your group could attend a larger event together. You could even have a night where your group meets with another group, either inside or outside the church (could be with another church group). At that point, you'd be pretty connected. If you're too shy, or don't live close enough to a church you can call home, would you be willing to talk with a neighbor about meeting together? Or having a friend introduce you to some of his/her friends seeking to help you connect? There's lots of ways to connect but the important part is that you DO connect. We were designed to live out our faith together, not alone. There are many brothers and sisters in Christ who would be happy to connect with you. Just take the first baby step and reach out. May you be blessed for your efforts.

It's not about the "doing".

Am I the only one that feels this way? Whenever I encounter a series of bad circumstances, the first thing I do is ask myself, "Did I do something really wrong and God's not happy with me?" I know in my head that's not how faith works, it's never about what I do, it's about God's mercy, and justice, and parenting me, and His plans for my life. But sometimes... I have sort of a mental checklist I go through when things seem to be happening, one after another. Maybe you do too? My list goes something like this: 1. Did I remember to tithe? Of course I did. 2. When was the last time I read from my bible? Did I forget for a few days? 3. What temptations or indulgences have I given into in the past few days or weeks? 4. Have I had a bad attitude or not forgiven someone for something? 5. Am I not praying "enough"? 6. Have I been too lazy and not diligent (or just busy) enough? 7. What have I said or done in front of my kids that needs improving? and the list goes on and on and on. I always end up reflecting later on how I think it's all about me and my actions. I know that as a Christ-follower, there are behaviors and perspectives from "the old self" that I am to put behind me. I know I am called to a new standard, not perfection, just to think before I act and speak. To consider others and not be self-righteous or prideful thinking I'm any better than anyone else. We're ALL sinners saved by the grace and mercy of God through His son, Jesus. So why do I always assume that bad things happen only based on my own behavior? I forget that sometimes things happen to grow or teach us. Sometimes things are allowed because it makes us stronger. Often when it involves others it can be simply because God allows them free will to do, say, or act however they choose - and we get hurt or offended. But most of the time, it's not about what someone else has done. It's my Battlefield of the Mind, which is a great book by Joyce Meyers. I have to remember that even if I did everything right, which is truly impossible for anyone, life still happens. Without valleys, we'd never see the mountain tops. Without struggles, we'd never learn to stand through life's storms. A new perspective I've been thinking about is this: Maybe I'm here to go through the struggles I do so that later, I can retell the stories, and how God came through for me (as He always does, just not in my timing, but in His own) - and this may help someone else who hears about it. It may be that my purpose as a teacher and storyteller is to be a living example of how God steps in and provides, or how He keeps things from being so much worse than they could be. I don't necessarily LIKE that idea any better, but it may be the case. Take finances for example. No matter what we've done in the past 20 years or so, there's never any extra for savings. We put aside a percentage, and the car will break. Or we'll live WAY below the average standard of living, and we'll have a medical or dental emergency that puts us barely surviving. We give, save, scrimp, and still, SOMETHING will happen to wipe that out. It's hard coming to terms that it just may be God's will to keep us just barely able to survive in order that He can step in and save us every time at the last minute - but you know what? He DOES help us every time. Whenever something unexpected comes up, He always provides a way, whether it be a better than average paycheck that week, a bonus arrives we weren't expecting to cover the dental emergency, or He provides an opportunity to earn money just in time to cover the flat tire. So you see how easy it is to think like I do? The important thing I need to remember is that it really isn't about the DOING. It's about trusting God to come through. Maybe I feel like He shouldn't have to. Like I should be in a better position to not have so many struggles. But the truth is, God IS there. He DOES provide. He does save the day, but only when He chooses the timing is right. He really has never let me down yet. In the end, things always somehow work out - and that's not about my "doing". It's about who HE IS. And it's about how much He loves and takes care of us. That's the real truth of it, and the truth will set you free, if you let it.

Air1 radio's "Club Awesome" Dance Party

We love listening to Air1 radio. It's a Christian alternative station. It plays the kind of music I like to listen to without the bad themes and lyrics to worry about. Online they even have channels to pick from to hear all rock, alternative, pop, new music, rap, even Christmas music. You just have to go to www.air1.com. About a month ago, one of the afternoon DJs, Brant Hanson, decided to create "Club Awesome" dance parties in a few select locations. He, along with Producer Sherrie, Seventh Time Down, Manafest, and KJ52 went on tour to meet the fans. Our location was the last night of the tour and we had a great time! It started with Brant at the front door high-fiving everyone as they walked into the FREE event. They had all kinds of nachos they were serving at the door, but we wanted to get close to the stage, so we didn't let the nachos distract us from our mission. There was a DJ to get things going in the beginning, then it kicked off with Brant & Sherrie on stage. Brant is a self-proclaimed nerd, so he came out complete with thick glasses, plaid jacket, and a bow tie. He attracts the odd crowd that loves the Lord, but doesn't quite fit in with the "popular crowds". Jordan has an obsession with this guy that makes her like his number one fan. That "misfit toy" quality that she has about her makes her drawn to Brant's acceptance of others like himself, and it's that very characteristic of Jordan's that makes her so wonderfully unique in my eyes. We also brought Logan because he's always been a party looking for a place to happen. In just a couple of hours, he met a new friend, met two girls (one who asked for his number), met both Brant & Sherrie, ran into a friend's family, and danced Gangnam style which impressed those standing around him. Even though the bands weren't anyone he listens to normally, he did know a few of their songs, appreciated their talents, and enjoyed the show. He had a great time too. As for me? I had a great time. It's been years (literally) since I did ANYTHING in a large crowd of people with such a party (yet safe) atmosphere. In my younger days, I loved being around concerts, bands, dance parties, and loud music. After two years of isolation in the mountains and trying to adjust to a new life here in the Valley, last night was a much-needed night out. I danced, sang, and really enjoyed KJ52, an older guy who's show involves him, a DJ, and a drummer. He infuses his show with both new material, current songs he's written & performed, as well as mixing in lots of 80s and 90s songs and dances. What a great time. Club Awesome also had a mission. They partnered with www.cure.org to help raise money for children born with deformities like severe club foot. These kids are outcasts in their village, taunted and called names for being cursed by the local gods, according to their fellow villagers. These poor kids can't even walk, let alone run or play in most cases. I don't know exactly how much they raised, but they said for the price of a laptop, a child can have a one-time, successful surgery. They told a story of one boy who was called a monster in his village because of his birth defect. After receiving surgery through CURE, he now can be like the other kids and proved that there is a God who heals that's above all other gods that were believed to have cursed him, making him in-curable. His new nickname from the village is "Miracle". Hopefully, Club Awesome raised enough money for several more children to have this opportunity. To read more, go to CURE's website and read about the kids. God Bless.

Progress Update

Last week I was beginning to understand that I should just let go. I don't have to struggle so hard to do everything I should in my own strength, and I'll just end up failing if I try that. Instead I gave everything over to Jesus. I asked Him to be in control, as master and Lord of my life, my heart, my mind, my body, my thoughts, my words, my work, my finances, my relationships, my home, everything. So far, the past week seems to hold less stress than I was experiencing before that decision. I'm sleeping a little better. I'm more calm during the day. I even find that I'm making better choices with hardly any trouble at all, since I'm not struggling with controlling my self-control, if that makes sense. It's easier to stop a train of thought that's not positive and productive. It's easier to say no to temptations. It's easier to be more understanding and forgiving with people. It's easier to not think about the things we don't have yet and focus on how many actual needs are met daily. It's just been a much easier time going through my day to day routine. I like who I am when Jesus is the Lord of my life, and I get to just be the servant and friend. The pressure is off, things turn out better, and the guilt and fears that were holding me back seem to also be minimized. My new theme song is Draw the Line by Disciple (do a YouTube search for it, with lyrics). It's going to be a great next leg of my Spiritual journey. May your journey be filled with peace and joy too.

Not in my own strength

This week's lesson seems to be that I don't have to try to do everything in my own strength. Logically, I know this. I know my sins are forgiven, but I still have the responsibility to work towards being more like Jesus every day. I know I'm not who I used to be, but I'm not who I will become either (yet). The over-achiever in me kicks in every so often and riddles me with guilt over all the places I fall short. I know that's a trick of the enemy to keep me focused on self, and to keep me from being more productive in God's kingdom. But sometimes, it's easy to forget that and focus on what I know I should be doing. I'm learning to let go of all the "shoulds" in my life. We're told to read our bible every day, to pray throughout the day, to only think about things that are pure, holy, righteous, etc., to put others first, not to judge others' actions or words, to not be idle, etc. This week, I've come across the same message in several places (which is usually God telling me something I'm missing is important, so pay attention). That message says that Jesus wants to work in us and through us. We simply CAN'T live out the best Christian life in our own strength - so why do we try so hard to do that? We know our faith isn't about works, yet society has taught us that it's all about the doing, the getting things done, achieving more, and there lies the struggle. So this week, I begin a journey down a new path. I'm letting go of the stress, the guilt, the mental war in my head, over what I haven't done or what I'm not doing every single day. This week, I let go. I let Jesus have total authority to clean up the inside of my head and my heart. To clean the slate of the past. To show me what it means to rest and abide in him, trusting that just by being close to Him, I'll grow, and change, and my heart will lean towards those things we're told to do - naturally, out of love for Him. From now on, I won't be asking for Jesus to help me do things I think I should be doing, even if they really are good things. Instead, I'll ask Jesus what He's doing, and ask if I can help Him. I become the servant as it should be. Maybe then I'll find that peace that surpasses all understanding and that deep, abiding joy. Free from guilt. Free from consuming thoughts of self. Free from stress of the "have to". Free to be what He wants me to be, and free to live His purposes. May you be blessed this week too.

I Found My Answer (for now)...

In my last post, I was wondering what the bible said about women working outside the home. It led me down 2 totally opposing paths. One set of writings was coming from the point of view that says a woman's calling while she has children is to be and take care of the home. She should not feel guilty about finding ways to make money "from home". They use both the examples in Titus 2 and Proverbs 31. They quote that biblically, women were in charge or running the home while the men worked in the fields, or in town, or outside the home - and they were responsible for the education/teaching of the children, especially in growing their faith. The other set, oddly enough, quoted the very same 2 places in the bible, and said that the bible doesn't "specifically say a woman CAN'T work outside the home." And went into the what if questions: What if the kids are grown? What if she has no kids? What if the husband is ill and can't work? What about single Moms? etc. I have to say, the second set sounded a little off in my spirit because of the wording I kept running across. It reminded me of the garden of Eden where the serpent says, "Did God REALLY say that?" - using semantics and just enough truth to seem like a loophole. I also have to admit, group two dealt with issues from a more modern, worldly perspective, where we can't all just raise sheep and cattle from home. And living in a tent in a field isn't always an option to avoid working and paying the going rental rates. I ended up still unclear...then God brought something to my attention. I recently re-read a book called Chasing Daylight by Erwin McManus. In his book he wrote about how to figure out what we're called to do or not to do. Sometimes we're called but not right now. He suggested doing whatever you can to not get in God's way of blessing something. For example, if you think you're supposed to me a missionary in Africa, get your passport up to date, maybe take a few basic classes about it, put your name in with a missionary agency, then see if God blesses it. Staying home, keeping the idea to yourself, and never putting your name, desire, and application out there can't necessarily stop the power of God from making it happen - but doesn't it make sense that He probably won't arrange for a stranger to happen to knock on your door and ask if you "know anyone looking to go to Africa"? Makes sense, right? So I took that advice and here's what I did. I did research and found ways to make money from home. I've signed up to earn money doing surveys, reading emails from companies, and product testing. I also signed up and applied for temporary jobs in my area for product demos, merchandising displays, etc. - they're one day jobs that major companies hire out - so my name's in their file. I also have a little in some penny stocks I've studied, understand, believe in, and found highly recommended by experts. I also applied for a part-time job at a small, nearby, large chain mini-supermarket that pays more than most. Lastly, I continued introducing new people to my home-based business. Now I've put myself "out there" for God to decide what to bless and what to not bless. If he finds a way to put my limited-experience application to the top of the list for an interview, I will follow through knowing under normal circumstances, many applicants should be a lot more qualified than I am. If I never get called, and the home-based ideas pay off - then God will again get the glory and credit for that. I really don't have a strong opinion either way if I feel peace in my spirit that God is leading the way. I'll follow Him anywhere He leads, no matter what.

Discernment can be elusive.

Discernment: Discernment means to be able to distinguish between right and wrong, good and evil. It is having a logical, judicial ability to think through issues. It is the ability to “discern” whether a saying, teaching, doctrine, written word, or event is good or evil; true or false; and if the source, meaning or intentions are of God, the person or Satanic deception. There is an ability to “read between the lines” and get to the truth of an issue. The“gut” tells them when something doesn’t seem to be right. There is an urgency to pray and ask for wisdom. Usually, I do okay with this, but right now, not so much. So many issues are spiritually black and white for me, biblically sound advice to others has been a gifting I've received in the past, but lately... My big decision is about working outside the home. I want to help out because we need just a bit more than we can comfortably save and have Tim earn. We can't control what jobs he gets, how it lays out during the week to make or miss payroll deadlines, etc. I'd be happy to help out part-time so we don't have to put off things like when the kids need clothes, get haircuts, or when our grocery budget for the house is only $50/week - with 3 teenagers. Fortunately, I do amazing with coupons and that $50 gets us about $100 worth of food. Here's the thing...I was called (against my will and better judgement, in the beginning) to stop working and raise my children. Then my call became to homeschool all 3 at my husband's request. He decided with 100% certainty that he wanted me home to teach them. I spent the last 15 years doing just that, and I know without a doubt that is my first and most important calling above all else right now. I only have another 3 1/2 years to go and I'll be done forever. In the past, my husband decided to try to send me to work a few times. I excelled, got promoted quickly, got raises, made great money (mostly waitressing at tea houses). But somehow, I knew it was wrong for me, that my job willed by God was to be home with the children He entrusted to me. The results? The first job had to close their doors due to the bad economy. The second job, just when I was told I was going to earn more in a week going full-time than I was making in a month part-time, my husband moved us to the middle of nowhere and I had to quit. They had to close their doors shortly after, and yes, I think they would've stayed open if I had stayed because many of the end decisions would have been very different. Then more recently I was told I needed to look for a job again, and the car started leaking and having problems we couldn't afford to fix. Finally, most recently, my health became a reason not to work - even to the point where I thought I had ovarian cancer and the doctor expected those results too. God intervened and cured that problem - He's so amazing! - and now the conversation is reopened. I haven't "fixed" the original health issue and can't afford to anytime soon, it's over $1000 to have a 40% chance of fixing it, and that may be only temporary. It just seems that every time I consider working, something bad happens, or my husband's paycheck get cut in half, or worse. I'm afraid to look because the car might die, or something equally as bad. Then when I decide to stop looking and decide staying home is God's will - almost immediately, problems clear up, my health improves, the car stops showing signs of leaking and breaking, my husband's checks almost double in size, and we get caught up again. But am I reading too much into normal circumstances? Is it just ME that doesn't want to work, or is it really GOD showing me over and over that it's not HIS will for me, only my husband's feelings of financial insecurity in a depressed economy? I pray and seek answers from God - but discernment is something I need right now (especially with Christmas coming so soon). I welcome any comments, insights, and advice - as long as it comes from a biblical perspective. Any thoughts?

A Month of Silence

I've been in about a month of silence, but now it's over. About 8 weeks ago, my doctor requested an ultrasound and happened to discover that I had a complex ovarian cyst that was 9 cm long. When we compared the symptoms that I'd been accumulating over the past few months, all of them (5 or 6) are typically signs of ovarian cancer. The "complex" part of a cyst means that there's a mass within it that's not liquid, it's solid. Knowing I didn't have endometriosis, nor fibroids, I was very concerned. I had to face the realistic possibility that I'd be told I had cancer - and what would I do with that? The waiting was 7 weeks. That's when the 2nd ultrasound was to be scheduled to see if the cyst grew (which would indicate fast-growing cancer), stayed the same - then we'd have to repeat expensive ultrasounds over the course of the next year to monitor it, or if it had begun to slowly shrink and resolve itself. For those 7 weeks, I didn't tell anyone. I didn't want them to worry if it turned out to be nothing. I also didn't want to share the news until I really had thought it through, searched my heart, and discovered where I'd go from here, regardless of the outcome. If it resolved itself, great. I could move on with my life with just a minimal procedure to fix another issue and be done. My strength and energy levels would rise and my pain, cramping, and food issues would probably subside. If it stayed the same, I'd continue in silence with only my household, my mother, and in-laws having any indication what was going on. I'm learning to wait to see what God will do. Waiting isn't easy for any of us, so it's a good lesson. If it turned out to be the worst-case scenario and I had cancer, I actually think I was ready. I discussed with Tim what I was prepared to do and not do, what type of treatments I do and don't believe in, and what good could come from it. Deep down, I felt that even if I was found with cancer, God would eventually heal it. He'd put me in some very unique circumstances and circles to just crash and burn it all so quickly. I also decided that I would bring my children, family, and friends along the journey with me so they could see what faith, trust, hope, and miracles look like. I decided that I would use this situation to reach others and bring God all the glory. I decided what in my schedule would stay and what would be let go. I decided to re-prioritize my life to be sure I was doing the important, not just the urgent. I decided to do what I felt was most important to me and to God. Not just do what everyone else expected me to do and accomplish. It was a great time of quiet, self-reflection. I'm glad Tim's on the road for 3 weeks at a time during this process too. It makes it easier to find the alone time needed to think and plan without daily influence that may not be exactly what I'm wanting to do. Friday was my 2nd ultrasound, 7 weeks from the first one. The best I could hope for was that it had begun to shrink, at least a percentage of it, large enough to know that it would eventually resolve itself. Imagine my shock when my doctor's assistant called and said, "the cyst has resolved itself". Not it's resolvING, not it was shrinking, it has already resolved itself - past tense! She said it's gone, and I won't require any further treatment regarding it or my ovaries in the foreseeable future! Was it a miracle? Maybe. Was it a test? Possibly. Was it a gift to force me to take time to think through my life? Absolutely! I'm very thankful today to know I don't have cancer growing inside me (a real possibility with it being so prevalent on all sides of my family), but I'm also very thankful for the opportunity to learn just how much I trust God and can let Him take care of my life without worry. I fully expected the worst case, yet there was no fear. I know where I'm going and felt blessed to have the opportunity if I would be taking part in a miracle that I really believed He'd do in my body. As a side note, the only thing I did differently during those 7 weeks was drink more Monavie - that superfood, antioxidant-rich health beverage I was blessed with a few years ago. It's got an ingredient called Wellmune (www.wellmune.com)that's been found very effective in the healing & prevention of certain "things". Symptoms kept me from eating properly, sleeping well, exercising, etc. So whether I was healed by God supernaturally, or by His bringing Monavie into my world, it doesn't matter. Either way, I'm healed, I'm healthier, I'm blessed, and I'm at peace. A month of silence is over. I give God all the glory for watching over me, protecting me, and helping me spend the second half of my life living for HIS purposes. Living on-purpose.

What Season Are You In?

I have seen that things in life are so changing, that we don't often get to dwell in a place of safety and security for very long. This is especially true in the Christian walk. Many times we find ourselves in a season. I've had many seasons. Here's just a few to explain what I mean:

A season where I had to work while trying to homeschool 3 kids - but that season ended, twice, by the place having to close down and by us moving away.

A season where we lost our home, had to move in with my in-laws, without much hope of things getting better, and bearing the guilt of being a burden to others - that season ended when God rearranged everything in our world and lined up a chain of events to help us move, find a new career, and a home greater than we could've afforded.

A season of struggles with our teenagers, all 3 of them at different times - but this too made its way around the circle as each grew in maturity, responsibility, and each developed a new outlook.

A season of strengthening our marriage, including a church gift of sending us to a marriage retreat at precisely the right time to change our direction.

A season of being in the exact center of God's will, where everything came together to bring Him glory, and every thing I did brought me joy and peace, while serving others to fill their needs.

So as you can see, bad or good, we live in seasons when we follow God. What season are you in? Is it one of struggles? One of peace? One of sadness? One of incredible blessings flowing? One of fear? One of overcoming and achieving your goals? One of rest from the storms of life? One of a new adventure and you're not quite sure how it'll turn out yet? Whatever your season, embrace it. Know that God has a plan and a purpose for you. Trust that He hasn't forgotten about you, and He's preparing the way ahead for you. Find contentment in the small blessings you're receiving day to day. Take on that spirit of thankfulness. Appreciate what you have rather than be let down over what you wish you were handed in life. Once you can determine the season you're in, make peace with it. Either enjoy the ride - or else, know that this too shall pass - and then you'll enter a new season that can be even better.

May you be blessed with protection, joy, comfort, provision, better health, and love. Have a great week, Dear One.

Appreciating the Little Things

Every so often, life fades into the background just long enough for me to see what's going on in and around me. Today, I'm in a place of appreciation and thankfulness. I know, many times we read something like that and think, "What do I have to be thankful for? If you only knew what I was going through." Let me tell you some of the things I can appreciate and see if any are things you too can be thankful for.

1. I have a lot of friends dealing with cancer right now. Who doesn't, these days, right? I'm thankful that they have the gift of knowing every day counts, and they often use them to grow their relationships with those closest to them. I can appreciate the struggles I haven't had to endure so far. If your one of those people struggling with cancer yourself, hear me when I say I'm so sorry this has happened to you. It isn't fair. I pray for your healing and if that doesn't happen, I pray you have time to be a blessing and receive blessings from relationships that matter most to you. If you're standing by having to watch someone go through it wishing you could take it from them instead, you're a wonderful part of their world that can make things easier on them just knowing how much you care. I don't know what my future holds, but I appreciate every day I have to connect with people. Life is short, make the very best of what you've got.

2. I also have lots of friends who've recently lost family members. Some to old age, some to sickness, some to unexpected accidents. My heart is heavy for them. I can't fix the world, I can't undo the harshness of this life, but I'm thankful for both what I've been spared so far, and also for what I can do to be there for those friends. What about you? Is there someone around you that needs a hug? That's lonely? That could use some help running errands or helping out with kids? Can you prepare some meals to make their life a little easier? What can be done to ease the suffering just a bit? I appreciate being able to bring a little light into someone's dark world. If you're the one who's recently lost someone, again, I'm so sorry for your loss. Let people know how they can help. Let them. Not only will it be a blessing to you, but it'll bless them by allowing this chance to serve you. We weren't made to suffer alone.

3. So many divorces today. I'd love to say that Christians don't have to worry about that, but sadly, the statistics show that people who claim to follow the Bible's teachings aren't significantly lower than those who live life as their own god. It happens to people every day. My own marriage hasn't always been perfect, but it has been worth it. I didn't give up when I thought I would. I didn't quit when it seemed easier to do that. Instead, I've been blessed with a God, friends, and family that have surrounded me when I needed it, even though many of them didn't know it. I appreciate that God always seems to arrange things to grow my marriage and closeness with my spouse. Is he trying to reach out to you? Or someone you love? Is he trying to bring a season of reconciliation? If so, trust him to carry you through the tough storms. You're not alone.

4. On a lighter note, there's many less-serious things on my mind that I'm also thankful for - things I appreciate in my life. Do any of these sound familiar?

I made it through another day. I have a place to sleep indoors. I ate today, more than once. I have a choice of what to wear today because I have the privilege of owning more than one outfit. I have great kids that aren't perfect, but they're great kids. I paid the bills on time. This wasn't always possible - but it was this time. I have a car that runs so I'm not having to walk, or take buses and cabs everywhere. I have family that loves and supports me. I have friends that are always there for me and I can be there for them. I have a great home church and even a great home-away-from-home church with wonderful friends that have been closer than family at times. I have two arms, two legs, a working mind, I can breathe on my own, I can see all God's creation around me, I can hear the voices of those I love - or a great piece of music, I have at least one person in my world that cares for me, and even if I lost all of that - I have a loving God, who sent His Son to save me for all eternity. One who loves me in spite of my failures. A loving Father who's always there for me, waiting to spend time with me, anxious to love me unconditionally - and so do you. For that, if that was ALL I had, I'm truly appreciative and thankful.

What do you have to be thankful for today?

Sometimes It's Overwhelming

Sometimes, I feel my responsibilities can be so overwhelming. I have two teenagers to homeschool, and I know I've only got another 2 and 4 years to finish training up in the way they should go before they're 18 and out in the real world, and that's such a dangerous place these days. Having watched my 18 year old turn from a lifetime of teachings to follow "truth" as he sees it, based on nothing but peer pressure and Facebook postings, I worry. He still tries to live a life of right vs wrong himself, but he's lost that line between the two. He believes that if enough people are doing something (more likely, if the MEDIA SAYS a majority of people are doing or feeling something), then it's now okay. Morality is based on popular vote, I guess. Church and faith aren't important when you plan on living a long life - you have decades to have fun, then when you're old and in the hospital, you can start worrying about faith. It's so overwhelming to try to teach your children to hang onto biblical truths. They'd much rather be accepted, not stand out.

Anyway, so I'm teaching my youngest about being content. I have her reading through a book with me that I read recently and really enjoyed. It helped me focus on all God does for us and to have a better attitude, yet through my daughter's eyes, it's only about contentment - and until this book - I never realized just what a stronghold discontent had on her. She's spent the past few weeks struggling with materialism on the border of mild hoarding issues. Not that she buys stuff, most of it's given to her, but that she can't let go of things - even when they hold no significance to her. I watched her struggle to clean her room, fighting to give away things that weren't given to her by anyone special, didn't belong to anyone she really knew, no attachment other than it was "her stuff". She's also battled with walking around in stores and malls. I had no idea the struggle inside her because, as she put it, "it's so depressing going there because I want everything I see." Who would've guessed that was going on in the life of a girl that grew up in a single-income family that's always struggled to have just enough to pay the bills? We've never had extra money to blow on just "stuff", but I guess through the generosity of others, she has had more than her share of collections - like Strawberry Shortcake, Littlest Pet Shop, Barbie things, etc. She's trying so hard to break free of the materialism. I've become very proud of her for choosing to turn her life around and follow Christ more closely than ever before. She's in the beginning stages of making her faith her own. Watching the struggle as her Mom can be overwhelming.

Then there's my middle child. Enough said? Such a wonderful, helpful, loving, hopeful spirit in him - yet he struggles with his faith to make it his own, too. He battles his ego, his "look at me" attitudes that seem to be more popular with middle children. (Think Peter and Jan Brady on the Brady Bunch.) He's made recent decisions to explore and grow his faith as well. We're doing a study together called The Me I Want to Be by John Ortberg. We're only on Chapter 4 in the book and through the first DVD session, but it's already turning out to be a great study for him. Hopefully, he'll find out it's okay to be who he is instead of constantly trying to become what he thinks he should be, or who he wished he could be, or even who others want him to be. The acceptance factor in this study is wonderful, and seems to be meeting him right where he's at. Although I see him growing more spiritually mature, the worry that it'll "stick" after watching his older brother's backsliding is also overwhelming.

My husband...what a wonderful man he is. He's living a very lonely, difficult life right now as an over-the-road flatbed driver because he was out of options to make enough of a living to afford a home for us. We're only renting for now, which is actually more expensive than ownership, but until we get back on our feet from a financial hit 2 years ago - it's the best we can do. He's away from family, friends, church, bible study, and fellowship most of the time now. He manages to make it home for church about every 3rd weekend. We're thankful for that, but it can't be easy. I know he'd rather sleep at home, in his own bed, enjoying the home he's working to provide. Thinking about how long it may be before he's able to take a similar job driving where he can be home at night, or even just more often...that's overwhelming, too.

Lastly, there's me. I have a huge responsibility ahead. I'll be leading the Women's evening bible study at our church in just a few weeks, yet I just found out it was going to be my total responsibility for it all. At first it was going to be a partnership with one or two other women. Now it's up to me. I enjoy the challenge and I'm thankful for the opportunity to serve the women of our church that can't make the day study. It's just that I take this as a big responsibility. I want to select just the right study, topic, format, night of the week, and frequency that God wants for the women he'll bring to this group. I want to help them where they're at. I can only guess it'll be a group of women who work (since they can't be at the day study), not too young (because they'd need to be home in the evening with their small children), and not too old (many don't drive at night). It's only a guess, but I'm thinking maybe, just maybe, it'll be a group of working women, with very busy lives, lots of demands, struggling to be workers, Mom's, managers of their homes, wives, and followers of Christ. They may fall between 30 and 50 years old. Coming in from so many different walks of life, at different points on their journey, I don't know what they'll need. That's VERY overwhelming. Picking just the right thing to spark a fire in their spirit. I know that's ultimately God's job to do that, not mine, but I feel the responsibility to make this work for them. If it bombs, they may not return to anything like this for a long time, if ever. I've been in prayer and deep thought over this all week, and will continue to do so, hoping for just the right study to be revealed to me by the weekend. I know God can give me wisdom and discernment in this, but still, I don't take it lightly. It's also overwhelming.

Father, I need your help. There's so many things I'm feeling pressure to teach, and do, and be. I feel for my husband in his struggles to. I know you've already seen and planned how all these things turn out. I pray now for wisdom and discernment to sort through all that's before me and choose what YOU want for the lives of everyone involved. Give me the right words and thoughts to complete your work in the lives of others. Stop me from leading anyone down paths other than what you would have planned for them. Reveal to me the true, most important purposes in each situation. I ask you to bring as many women to the study as you know can benefit from it. Help me to be a friend and sister alongside the women, a helpmate and best friend to my husband during his trying times, a mentor to my kids during their times of learning more about you and their faith, and help me deepen my own understanding and relationship with your son, Jesus, as all this comes about. Thank you for the opportunities and responsibilities you've given me to serve your people for your glory - never my own. May you be honored and glorified by all I do. I pray everyone involved will be drawn closer to you. Thank you in advance, In Jesus' Name. Amen.

Giving thanks for all the miracles of just past 7 years.

This seems to be a year of 3's and 7's for me. I picked up my faith journal where I've been writing down prayer needs & requests, as well as answered prayers, needs that were met, and absolute miracles. It's been just about 7 years since I started it. There's never going to be enough time or space here to list them all, but I want to give you an idea of just how much I've witnessed God moving in my life and in those I care about for the past 7 years. I'll try as best I can to keep people's anonymity:

2005 - J's daughter sober for 18 days in a row for the 1st time in years (was into drugs, excessive drinking, was in jail, often homeless, now she's clean, sober, working, has her own place, and is also back in school. Complete miracle on this one!), A. tried for a baby & had 2 miscarriages, hoping to get pregnant (now has 4 children!), T. thought for sure her 2 daughters would never speak to her again after divorcing their father & moving out of state. (since then, totally restored relationships), our kids were being bullied by the next door neighbor's kids - within 30 days, the couple split up & she moved out with her 4 kids, D's mission trip to Guatemala - over 3800 accepted Jesus in just about a 2 week time span!, prayed for C's friend who's 12 year old had cancer - tests returned negative suddenly & gaining his strength back!, My Aunt was fighting cancer, then 1st tests back said she was cancer-free, needed money & a buyer came out of nowhere to purchase our old, unwanted camper,

2006 - prayed for a friend's return to God after husband walked out, returned to church & got baptized!, needed a car & found a $25,000 van for just $13,000 still on the lot, new!, mother needs to move out of a falling apart mobile home (circumstances arranged themselves so she could move to FL and even get paid for the trailer she left behind), a friend's son was in a serious accident that left him with severe brain damage - healed faster than expected and now is just fine, a friend's Dad was dying and never wanted to hear about being "born again" - was saved just before he died through his daughter-in-law!, Relatives I've been trying to find for over 15 years suddenly and accidentally, I was put in touch with them again!, a friend's truck was stolen - found quickly and not a lot of damage to it, still driving it,

2007 - I got bit by a brown recluse spider and it went necrotic instantly - no insurance/no money - prayed and it got better in 3 days by itself, no longer black or even red skin!, a friend lost her husband unexpectedly just 3 days before giving birth to their 8th child! God provided for them with home construction help, money, healing for her and the kids, a healthy birth for #8, and so much more! my migraines & scleroderma miraculously healed,

2008 - spiritual curse broken over a friend through our small group praying over her, my sister's results showed "pre-cancerous cells" then after prayer, re-testing showed negative!, this year our business really grew and we were able to make up for income loss happening at my husband's job, friends separated, but after lots of prayer, they reconciled, he went to counseling, and now 4 years later, their marriage is strong, had a "cash" Christmas,

2009 - I was very disturbed when I was forced to go to work, lots of bad came from that, but in January, the place had to shut down and I was allowed to come home again, cousin told he had thyroid cancer - then it suddenly disappeared!,

2010 - a very sick person at church was thought to have MRSA & a very bad staff infection - healed, no MRSA, church needed to raise $5K for the Africa Hope Center, but raised $18K, my middle child got baptized!, cousin's baby born way too early, lots of life-threatening issues - now years later, she's perfectly normal, son found a job even though under difficult circumstances,

2011 - Pastor's daughter had a life-threatening health issue that almost took her life, but she made a full recovery!, with no jobs available to me or my husband and being 35 miles from the nearest city, God found ways to provide for our needs every month, saw a friend leave a destructive, hurtful, selfish marriage partner & now she's the happiest she's ever been, a friend's son was hit by a car & had 4 broken vertebrae, home & okay quicker than expected, no money for curriculum, and people GAVE me their old stuff as well as found amazing deals so I got $500 worth for under $100, husband found a job!, after almost calling it quits myself, our marriage was healed, restored, and strengthened - best now it's ever been, my sister's mother-in-law has been healed of cancer, had severe vision problems but eyes got better on their own,

2012 - husband got opportunity for free career-changing school, new job, we moved back to our friends & better weather, got a great home to rent from a friend for way less than market value to help us get on our feet again, 2 friends in car accidents, both are okay now, tax refund was enough for moving expenses/moving in expenses, blessed with an unexpected 5 day trip with husband, company-paid, during his training, husband just missed a tornado in TX by about 2 hours!, son got 75% tuition covered for drama class - can work it off, and it's not over yet!!!

Is This Goodbye to our Freedom of Speech?

In light of today being "support Chick-Fil-A" day, I thought I'd just pour out what's been on my mind. Are people really so blind to our constitutional rights being taken away?

Everyone's in a frenzy because the CEO of Chick-Fil-A said that personally, he believes in traditional family values, which would include marriage as being between a man and a woman. He also said those values are why they're closed on Sundays. Not to mandate their employees go to church, but so they have the freedom to do so without work interference. So that they can have time with their families one day a week. What was supposed to be a positive comment has been spun and twisted and the media's spent all week stirring up trouble saying that Chick-Fil-A and it's owners are using "hate speech" and that they're not showing their Christian values if they don't accept and embrace the gay lifestyle. WHAT????!!! Even my 18 year old, who I raised to think for himself, fell for the media lies and thought the owner had come forward and actually said he hates gays. When I tried to explain what was said, in what context, it sounded so foreign to what "everyone else" was saying, he assumed because the lies were louder and in print, they must be the truth.

Yes, the bible says to hate the sin and love the person - but that is very different from saying Christians are supposed to embrace the unnatural relationships of the gay lifestyle! In fact, it's God himself, who CREATED the concept of marriage in the first place, that called it unnatural for a to lay with a man or a woman to lay with a woman. Christians are not supposed to support and donate to causes that fight for that. On the flip side, I wouldn't expect a gay bar owner to say he despises that lifestlyle and give money to organizations that fight for traditional family values either. I wouldn't attack him for being a "hater" over it. I'm so tired of one side standing up for their beliefs and being called every bad name imaginable, yet when "the other side" - regardless of who they are - disagrees, they're supposed to be looked at as if they're superheroes saving the world from corruption. People have the right to free speech and to believe as they choose without the government telling them how they are allowed to talk and believe. They can't mandate a government religion - but isn't that what they're doing? The mayors of 3 major cities are using their government position to forbid free enterprise (by not allowing Chick-Fil-A to open a single location in their district) because they personally disagree with a person's (the CEO) personal belief based on their own religion. It doesn't get more unconstitutional than that! And by the way, Rosanne Barr, who no one's heard from in ten years or more, using profanity saying people who eat there "deserve to die of cancer" doesn't make me change my mind. It just makes me see what a low-class, drama queen she really is with no idea what's constitutional and what's just plain inflammatory propaganda. As for me and my household, we'll be supporting Chick-Fil-A today, thank you.

Shmita: The 7th or sabbath year

The sabbath year is the 7th year cycle that the Hebrews were to celebrate. During that year, the land and all agricultural activity was forbidden (and they were in an agricultural society). Any related work to improve the land or crops wasn't allowed, however, you were allowed to do what was necessary to prevent damage or harm - like watering, weeding, mowing, etc., just not planting, plowing, and harvesting. Also, any fruit that grew "on its own" that year was allowed to be picked by anyone.

Another part of this rest involved debts and loans. Personal debts due at the end of that year were forgiven and nullified. Those who had become slaves to repay loans or debts were set free at the end of that year too. The book of Leviticus promises a bountiful harvest to those who faithfully observe the shmita, it's a test of faith.

Here are some references if you're interested in reading more:

Exodus 23:10 - 11
Leviticus 25:20-22
Deuteronomy 31:10-13
Jeremiah 34:13-14
Nehemiah 10:32
2 Chronicles 36:20-21
2 Kings 19:20-30

I feel like this is our Shmita for our family. We've worked harder than usual the past few years, been through awful struggles, and got to the point where there was no where left to go but up. The worst of our struggles began in 2005, exactly 7 years ago...see where I'm going with this? It started with a life-changing discovery that threatened to break our family apart, then a time of being closer than ever to God (which always brings attacks & temptations by the enemy), then struggles over doing what's necessary to survive, submitting to my husband's insistence that I had to go to work - yet knowing my true, God-given purpose was to be a full-time, stay-at-home, homeschooling Mom to our 3 kids at very important times in their lives. It's been 6 years of financial struggles. The more hours we put in, the more other things beyond our control happened to cause us to earn less and less. Then we lost our house, and we had to go through bankruptcy - something I never thought I'd have to go through. But then came 2012.

This year, Tim was willing to do things way beyond his comfort zone to change careers, and
we had things fall into place that couldn't have happened any other way but by divine intervention. Things like finding our new home for the best price imaginable. I felt that God was telling me that this year, there would be a time of rest for our family and He brought me to places in the bible (and sermons, and books, etc.) where this Sabbath rest was discussed. I had sort of remembered hearing something about it, but never thought of it in today's terms.

I believe that after years of major struggles, we were found faithful. During this time of one calamity after another, my faith grew, my peace increased, I let go of control (as if it was mine in the first place), Tim grew in his faith, we were faithful in tithing even when we didn't have enough to buy food or pay bills - yet God was faithful to provide in those times. During the past 6 years, I attended Bible Study, grew in our small group, Tim attended several men's bible studies, I was absolutely blessed by God's Holy Spirit to write a few devotionals, talk in groups about His faithfulness to us, write a Genesis study that I got to teach to 50 women, our marriage grew closer, bad habits were broken, and last fall, Tim & I even renewed our vows at a marriage retreat. God must have been at least a little pleased with our response to the troubles thrown our way, because He's got us in a season of peace and blessing and trust. I haven't been this at peace since I found myself at the center of His will many years ago. God is so good.

What will the rest of this year hold? I don't know, but for the first time in my life, I'm not concerned about it. I can't control it, I don't know the whole picture, but I know that God knows it, and that's enough. We still have unexpected weeks where the paycheck that should be $800 comes back at $400, Tim's truck breaks down, there's a week where there's nothing left for groceries, but you know what? God steps in and makes Himself known in those situations too. He'll give us a bigger than normal check the next week, Tim ends up getting paid for finishing the load plus get detention pay, and we win a free $10 worth of groceries at our favorite grocery store.

Everyone's in a different season, I know this, but what season is this for you? Have you had a year of rest in the past? Are you in your 6 year struggle? Are you ready for your own Shmita? I don't know God's plans for you, but if you read Jeremiah 29: 11, He knows the plans He has for you. Not plans to harm you, but plans to give you a hope and a future. God bless.

A Great Book to Prepare the Way

I'm in a holding pattern of sorts right now. I know I'll be launching into some great new stuff heading into fall, like being in, if not facilitating, a small group Bible Study.
But for right now, I'm in the preparation stages. I know, I've been here before. I'm at a new stage of learning who God is, where Jesus is in all this, and to renew my heart and mind before I begin the tasks I've been assigned. Part of this preparation includes a great book my friend Pam let me borrow. I have no idea what she thought I was asking for when I thought I was asking for suggestions regarding a certain topic of study for my homeschoolers - but as usual - God worked through Pam to get me what I needed. This book is called Calming My Anxious Heart by Linda Dillow. I'm only half-way through it, but it's already making internal changes in me that I know I need before undertaking projects in this new chapter of my spiritual walk. Some of the topics include contentment where you're at, striving for heavenly, not earthly treasures, appreciating what you have, forgiveness, growing relationships, and more.

I think it's amazing how God can use someone who came from such a messed up background like I had. And it feels very reassuring to know that he finds ways to help me prepare for the assignments He gives me. I'm not confident in what I can do, but I'm very confident in what God can do, if I just remain open to His direction, trust His leading, and stay out of my own way (with fears and insecurities). He's allowed me to witness miracles, changed lives, and things that the word "coincidence" couldn't BEGIN to describe!

I may not know the whole plan, but I do know this: God has a plan. It's going to be for the best. And I'm happy to get to be a part of it, even if it's just one step at a time.

Feeling Truly Blessed

This week I have felt truly blessed. After a very rough couple of years, my life is in a place of rest. A place to reconnect with God's holy spirit, to appreciate His blessings and gifts in my life, and to strengthen my relationship with Jesus.

I've been taking time to list things I'm thankful for - and the list is over 100 items long already. Here's just a few of them:

palm trees, cool mornings, warm & sunny days, a home of our own, having Tim home for 5 days, family dinners, birds singing, green grass, having good kids (in spite of all of them being teenagers), access to so many healthy & organic food choices for my family, Tim's job being enough to pay our bills, friends I love, miracles I've seen, and so many more!

Take time to give thanks for what you have that's good in your life. If you're in a place where that's hard right now, write them down - even the littlest things.

Philippians 4:8
Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable -- if anything is excellent or praiseworthy -- think about such things.