It's not about the "doing".

Am I the only one that feels this way? Whenever I encounter a series of bad circumstances, the first thing I do is ask myself, "Did I do something really wrong and God's not happy with me?" I know in my head that's not how faith works, it's never about what I do, it's about God's mercy, and justice, and parenting me, and His plans for my life. But sometimes... I have sort of a mental checklist I go through when things seem to be happening, one after another. Maybe you do too? My list goes something like this: 1. Did I remember to tithe? Of course I did. 2. When was the last time I read from my bible? Did I forget for a few days? 3. What temptations or indulgences have I given into in the past few days or weeks? 4. Have I had a bad attitude or not forgiven someone for something? 5. Am I not praying "enough"? 6. Have I been too lazy and not diligent (or just busy) enough? 7. What have I said or done in front of my kids that needs improving? and the list goes on and on and on. I always end up reflecting later on how I think it's all about me and my actions. I know that as a Christ-follower, there are behaviors and perspectives from "the old self" that I am to put behind me. I know I am called to a new standard, not perfection, just to think before I act and speak. To consider others and not be self-righteous or prideful thinking I'm any better than anyone else. We're ALL sinners saved by the grace and mercy of God through His son, Jesus. So why do I always assume that bad things happen only based on my own behavior? I forget that sometimes things happen to grow or teach us. Sometimes things are allowed because it makes us stronger. Often when it involves others it can be simply because God allows them free will to do, say, or act however they choose - and we get hurt or offended. But most of the time, it's not about what someone else has done. It's my Battlefield of the Mind, which is a great book by Joyce Meyers. I have to remember that even if I did everything right, which is truly impossible for anyone, life still happens. Without valleys, we'd never see the mountain tops. Without struggles, we'd never learn to stand through life's storms. A new perspective I've been thinking about is this: Maybe I'm here to go through the struggles I do so that later, I can retell the stories, and how God came through for me (as He always does, just not in my timing, but in His own) - and this may help someone else who hears about it. It may be that my purpose as a teacher and storyteller is to be a living example of how God steps in and provides, or how He keeps things from being so much worse than they could be. I don't necessarily LIKE that idea any better, but it may be the case. Take finances for example. No matter what we've done in the past 20 years or so, there's never any extra for savings. We put aside a percentage, and the car will break. Or we'll live WAY below the average standard of living, and we'll have a medical or dental emergency that puts us barely surviving. We give, save, scrimp, and still, SOMETHING will happen to wipe that out. It's hard coming to terms that it just may be God's will to keep us just barely able to survive in order that He can step in and save us every time at the last minute - but you know what? He DOES help us every time. Whenever something unexpected comes up, He always provides a way, whether it be a better than average paycheck that week, a bonus arrives we weren't expecting to cover the dental emergency, or He provides an opportunity to earn money just in time to cover the flat tire. So you see how easy it is to think like I do? The important thing I need to remember is that it really isn't about the DOING. It's about trusting God to come through. Maybe I feel like He shouldn't have to. Like I should be in a better position to not have so many struggles. But the truth is, God IS there. He DOES provide. He does save the day, but only when He chooses the timing is right. He really has never let me down yet. In the end, things always somehow work out - and that's not about my "doing". It's about who HE IS. And it's about how much He loves and takes care of us. That's the real truth of it, and the truth will set you free, if you let it.