Esther? Joseph? You decide...

Last week an odd thing happened. The place I work shut down and I'm back home with the kids, at least for now, but without the money we need. I'm trying to figure out the purpose in all this - why did I get hired there? why did it shut down? what was I supposed to learn? was my husband supposed to learn something? here's the best I can figure:

I needed to re-learn the value of money and paying cash for everything. Both of us had become used to buying things on credit instead of delaying our wants. Yes, 90% of the charges were necessary, like having to buy gas to get to work, or getting our vehicle registrations done, etc., but the other 10% was stuff that wasn't really necessary. Now I know better.

I needed to appreciate my time with my kids, my freedom to pick my schedule, the freedom to do what needs to be done without having to destroy my body at a job. I needed to know how stressed life could make me so I can appreciate every single day at home now.

I know God wants us to build our own business, and He's truly blessed us beyond our efforts so far, so I believe the job was to protect me from someplace worse - since I obeyed and submitted to getting a job - and then it was shut down to close that door since it wasn't God's plan for how we were to get out of debt in the first place. I believe God has told us what to do, and if we try our own way, or my husband's way, the answer is "No, I won't bless that". Succeeding would mean we'd be helping too many others to selfishly refuse to do it.

I also think it was an eye-opener to health issues I have but I've been ignoring. Having the job really brought some of them out and now I know I need to be thinking preventatively before it's too late.

Half my friends think I've spent the last 6 months living like Esther, obeying and submitting to another's will (my husband's), and God blessed it, and I was there for a reason or to touch another's life (like the friend there who's also in our business now), or to be an example to the bible study ladies how to obey in difficult circumstances. I believed what I was being forced to do was outside of God's will, but I obeyed and prayed, and now I've been saved and delivered (so far).

The other half think I've lived like Joseph. I was sold into slavery (the job) and kept from my family, but stayed faithful to God, changed my heart, humbly asked God to be in charge of my life, and in the end, I was returned to my family, better for the experience.

Whatever the reasons, it doesn't matter. All that matters now is that I'm better for it, but never want to go through it again. I'd rather learn all I should've from it and put it all behind me. I just hope my husband can do the same.