A Month of Silence

I've been in about a month of silence, but now it's over. About 8 weeks ago, my doctor requested an ultrasound and happened to discover that I had a complex ovarian cyst that was 9 cm long. When we compared the symptoms that I'd been accumulating over the past few months, all of them (5 or 6) are typically signs of ovarian cancer. The "complex" part of a cyst means that there's a mass within it that's not liquid, it's solid. Knowing I didn't have endometriosis, nor fibroids, I was very concerned. I had to face the realistic possibility that I'd be told I had cancer - and what would I do with that? The waiting was 7 weeks. That's when the 2nd ultrasound was to be scheduled to see if the cyst grew (which would indicate fast-growing cancer), stayed the same - then we'd have to repeat expensive ultrasounds over the course of the next year to monitor it, or if it had begun to slowly shrink and resolve itself. For those 7 weeks, I didn't tell anyone. I didn't want them to worry if it turned out to be nothing. I also didn't want to share the news until I really had thought it through, searched my heart, and discovered where I'd go from here, regardless of the outcome. If it resolved itself, great. I could move on with my life with just a minimal procedure to fix another issue and be done. My strength and energy levels would rise and my pain, cramping, and food issues would probably subside. If it stayed the same, I'd continue in silence with only my household, my mother, and in-laws having any indication what was going on. I'm learning to wait to see what God will do. Waiting isn't easy for any of us, so it's a good lesson. If it turned out to be the worst-case scenario and I had cancer, I actually think I was ready. I discussed with Tim what I was prepared to do and not do, what type of treatments I do and don't believe in, and what good could come from it. Deep down, I felt that even if I was found with cancer, God would eventually heal it. He'd put me in some very unique circumstances and circles to just crash and burn it all so quickly. I also decided that I would bring my children, family, and friends along the journey with me so they could see what faith, trust, hope, and miracles look like. I decided that I would use this situation to reach others and bring God all the glory. I decided what in my schedule would stay and what would be let go. I decided to re-prioritize my life to be sure I was doing the important, not just the urgent. I decided to do what I felt was most important to me and to God. Not just do what everyone else expected me to do and accomplish. It was a great time of quiet, self-reflection. I'm glad Tim's on the road for 3 weeks at a time during this process too. It makes it easier to find the alone time needed to think and plan without daily influence that may not be exactly what I'm wanting to do. Friday was my 2nd ultrasound, 7 weeks from the first one. The best I could hope for was that it had begun to shrink, at least a percentage of it, large enough to know that it would eventually resolve itself. Imagine my shock when my doctor's assistant called and said, "the cyst has resolved itself". Not it's resolvING, not it was shrinking, it has already resolved itself - past tense! She said it's gone, and I won't require any further treatment regarding it or my ovaries in the foreseeable future! Was it a miracle? Maybe. Was it a test? Possibly. Was it a gift to force me to take time to think through my life? Absolutely! I'm very thankful today to know I don't have cancer growing inside me (a real possibility with it being so prevalent on all sides of my family), but I'm also very thankful for the opportunity to learn just how much I trust God and can let Him take care of my life without worry. I fully expected the worst case, yet there was no fear. I know where I'm going and felt blessed to have the opportunity if I would be taking part in a miracle that I really believed He'd do in my body. As a side note, the only thing I did differently during those 7 weeks was drink more Monavie - that superfood, antioxidant-rich health beverage I was blessed with a few years ago. It's got an ingredient called Wellmune (www.wellmune.com)that's been found very effective in the healing & prevention of certain "things". Symptoms kept me from eating properly, sleeping well, exercising, etc. So whether I was healed by God supernaturally, or by His bringing Monavie into my world, it doesn't matter. Either way, I'm healed, I'm healthier, I'm blessed, and I'm at peace. A month of silence is over. I give God all the glory for watching over me, protecting me, and helping me spend the second half of my life living for HIS purposes. Living on-purpose.