Discernment can be elusive.

Discernment: Discernment means to be able to distinguish between right and wrong, good and evil. It is having a logical, judicial ability to think through issues. It is the ability to “discern” whether a saying, teaching, doctrine, written word, or event is good or evil; true or false; and if the source, meaning or intentions are of God, the person or Satanic deception. There is an ability to “read between the lines” and get to the truth of an issue. The“gut” tells them when something doesn’t seem to be right. There is an urgency to pray and ask for wisdom. Usually, I do okay with this, but right now, not so much. So many issues are spiritually black and white for me, biblically sound advice to others has been a gifting I've received in the past, but lately... My big decision is about working outside the home. I want to help out because we need just a bit more than we can comfortably save and have Tim earn. We can't control what jobs he gets, how it lays out during the week to make or miss payroll deadlines, etc. I'd be happy to help out part-time so we don't have to put off things like when the kids need clothes, get haircuts, or when our grocery budget for the house is only $50/week - with 3 teenagers. Fortunately, I do amazing with coupons and that $50 gets us about $100 worth of food. Here's the thing...I was called (against my will and better judgement, in the beginning) to stop working and raise my children. Then my call became to homeschool all 3 at my husband's request. He decided with 100% certainty that he wanted me home to teach them. I spent the last 15 years doing just that, and I know without a doubt that is my first and most important calling above all else right now. I only have another 3 1/2 years to go and I'll be done forever. In the past, my husband decided to try to send me to work a few times. I excelled, got promoted quickly, got raises, made great money (mostly waitressing at tea houses). But somehow, I knew it was wrong for me, that my job willed by God was to be home with the children He entrusted to me. The results? The first job had to close their doors due to the bad economy. The second job, just when I was told I was going to earn more in a week going full-time than I was making in a month part-time, my husband moved us to the middle of nowhere and I had to quit. They had to close their doors shortly after, and yes, I think they would've stayed open if I had stayed because many of the end decisions would have been very different. Then more recently I was told I needed to look for a job again, and the car started leaking and having problems we couldn't afford to fix. Finally, most recently, my health became a reason not to work - even to the point where I thought I had ovarian cancer and the doctor expected those results too. God intervened and cured that problem - He's so amazing! - and now the conversation is reopened. I haven't "fixed" the original health issue and can't afford to anytime soon, it's over $1000 to have a 40% chance of fixing it, and that may be only temporary. It just seems that every time I consider working, something bad happens, or my husband's paycheck get cut in half, or worse. I'm afraid to look because the car might die, or something equally as bad. Then when I decide to stop looking and decide staying home is God's will - almost immediately, problems clear up, my health improves, the car stops showing signs of leaking and breaking, my husband's checks almost double in size, and we get caught up again. But am I reading too much into normal circumstances? Is it just ME that doesn't want to work, or is it really GOD showing me over and over that it's not HIS will for me, only my husband's feelings of financial insecurity in a depressed economy? I pray and seek answers from God - but discernment is something I need right now (especially with Christmas coming so soon). I welcome any comments, insights, and advice - as long as it comes from a biblical perspective. Any thoughts?