Easter Weekend

This last year has been a very trying time in every way, but God has been there every step of the way. He brings me peace, joy, courage, strength, and clarity - just when I need them most. This weekend was a very different Easter weekend for me too.

It started on Friday. I had originally planned on a nice fish dinner for Good Friday, maybe coloring eggs with Jordan on Saturday, and then Easter Sunday. Somewhere around Friday afternoon, I felt this heavy sadness come over me. It was so strange. Was I feeling lonely? Depressed? Tired of the cold and windy weather? Missing being at Mountain Valley Church for Easter service? Maybe I was bored? I just couldn't put my finger on it.

By Saturday, I felt so out of sorts, even my stomach felt wrong. I wasn't coming down with anything, it wasn't like that. It was a very consuming sadness. My mind was racing, I couldn't sleep, I had trouble finding anything to lift my spirits. Then it hit me...for a while now I pray the words I heard in one of my favorite songs. I've been praying, "Break my heart for what breaks yours." Then the whole story of Jesus' death and resurrection came to mind. Maybe what I was feeling was the sadness (or a teeny tiny reflection of it) that must've come over God at turning His son over to be beaten, tortured, left for dead, and having to turn His back on Jesus as he took on every sin of every person in the world for all eternity. It must've been the hardest thing God ever had to do, but it makes sense that God can't co-exist with sin. He's pure and holy and He's never-changing. That sadness that overtook Him during Jesus' death and punishment he took for all of our sins might have been what had me so messed up this weekend.

I figured the one way to know for sure was to see how I felt when I woke up on Resurrection Sunday. From the moment I opened my eyes, I felt better, more alive, I felt joy again, I had a wonderful sense of peace, my mind was at ease, and I felt more hopeful for the future than I have in a long time. Any negative feelings from the past two days were gone.

Father, I thank you for the opportunity to share in that glimpse of your heart. I'm so thankful for such a loving God that you spared your most prized possession for us, not when we got it all together for you, but you did it when we were still sinners! Thank you Jesus for being willing to provide a way to pay our debt, our wages of sin - death, so that we could have everlasting life. What an expression of unconditional love! You did what no one else could nor would do, at no benefit to yourself - only to us. I want to spend the rest of my life following your example of putting others first, truly loving others, doing the will of the Father, and trusting Him to make it all work out perfectly according to His plan.

Amen

Waiting Patiently

Why is it that waiting patiently is so hard? We hate waiting in lines, in traffic, for special days and events to get here, to hear from someone answering our messages, we hate waiting.

I'm in a new but familiar place right now...waiting patiently for God's answers, for Him to act, for Him to tell me what I should and shouldn't be doing. I've been here before. If I think I know God's answer, I usually jump the gun and act on it immediately, often without asking him WHEN to act. If I don't see Him act in what I think is a reasonable time frame (as if I could ever know better than God?), then I start assuming I'm messing up something and have to fix myself before God will answer or help me. Don't we all do that from time to time? I have to remember than His time frame is NOT my time frame. He knows details and future events that I don't, and I have to remember that God's time table is truly the BEST plan. Obedience to God has to include trusting His time and plan over my own impatience.

I also have learned in the past that I have to let go of trying to control, or even just persuade, others when I know they're not on the right track. It's not my job to fix anyone, I don't have the authority to judge anyone else's decisions. I'm only in charge of myself, my actions, my words, my thoughts, and my attitudes in any given circumstance. If I keep this in mind, then waiting for the right set of instructions get immeasureably easier.

For now, I'll just continue on my path of seeking answers from His Word, listening in quiet and prayer time, asking for wisdom to hear God when He's ready to speak to me on this, and be still...and know that He is God...(and I am not).

Hope this helps someone else struggling with waiting on God.

Unleashing God's Power

I've spent the past 8 years or so really working hard on my spiritual journey. I've read my Bible, done dozens and dozens of studies to learn more, listened intently from those with wisdom, put into practice the things I learn, and really tried to develop a better sense of who God really is in my life, and in the world.
I believe I'm embarking on a new part of my journey now. I'm taking the first steps into understanding more fully all that comes with a new and better understanding of God. My Sunday morning bible study is teaching us just what's available within the power of God working in and through us. Just this morning I read in scriptures examples of ordinary people who were able to overcome huge fears and with God leading them, and supplying them with necessary skills, instruction and tools, they overcame sin, and overcame evil, to their benefit and God's glory. That's the kind of life I want to live. I'm all done focusing on the problems before my eyes. I'm ready to see the victory through God that is possible. I don't think I have to be born special or be perfect to find joy and peace and victory anymore. I can trust, and take that fearful leap of faith, and know with confidence that God will not only cheer me on, but catch me and show me how to soar! I believe He wants to teach all his children to fly and really live an extraordinary life - but we have to overcome fear first - and learn to focus on Him and what He can and wants to do.
I can't wait to see the view from the next mountain top!

My Latest Project

A few years ago I was inspired to write a Genesis Bible Study. I wasn't sure why. I thought maybe it was to be my kids' curriculum, but a friend kind of forced me to take it a step further. We were in the ladies' bible study discussing what our next topic of study would be. My friend, whom I had forgotten that I told about the study, announced to the whole room that I was writing a Genesis study and we should do that. I rushed to meet the deadline to have it ready on time. We ended up with between 40 and 50 ladies do this (casual) chapter by chapter Bible study. It worked out great and we all learned a lot. The discussions were great!

Now I think I'm being called to perfect it and turn it into a real study for selling to churches and church groups. It'll take 6 months to a year to complete, but if I do it as an ebook, it might be ready sooner. I'm not sure where this'll lead, but it's always an adventure to see what God has planned.

What will you do in 2011 to grow closer to God?

We're commanded to be more Christ-like as we walk our journey of faith. What will you do this year to do that? and to grow closer to God? Here are a few considerations:

1. Make time to read your bible more. This can be daily, or weekly, or even monthly if that's not something in your current routine. Find a friend to get with when you read it, then discuss the meaning as you both see it, and then how to apply what you've learned.

2. Join a group where you can be encouraged or you can learn more about your walk. It can be a bible study group, a Sunday morning class, or even an evening small group in a hosted home.

3. Take some time to look at your character. Where are the holes? What weaknesses can you improve? Do you have one particular character flaw that others bring up more than once? Then maybe you should start there with God's help, not to become what others want you to be, but to become closer to God and become more Christ-like.

4. Try listening to online sermons while sitting at your computer. You can listen to sermons from all around the world, or even from a church near your part of it. If you don't know where to start, there's www.crosswalk.com that has recorded ones to start you off. Find your favorite speakers and go from there.

5. Crosswalk also has great articles on everything from parenting, to marriage, to money, to careers, to movie reviews. Reading on topics relevant to you written by people who may be further on their journey than you're at, can be very helpful to change your thinking for the better.

Whatever method you choose, good luck in 2011. May you find yourself where you want to be Spiritually when January of 2012 rolls around. God Bless, Friend.

The Nature of a Servant

This is a reposting of a devotional I wrote (totally inspired, I can't take credit) back in 2006, maybe earlier. It was the 1st of about 10. Enjoy!

Matthew 25: 21 "His Master replied, "Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful in a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master's happiness!"

While reading my Bible recently, I came across the Parable of the Talents in Matthew 25. I've read it before and I've heard the sermons on how this is about Spiritual Gifts, not just money God gives you, but that's not what struck me. What really seemed to speak to me was the word "servant".

Jesus didn't say "well done good and faithful worker, church-goer, parent, spouse, leader, friend, or even follower". Jesus chose the word servant on purpose. He showed us how to serve others when he washed the feet of his disciples. This made me dig a little deeper into what else Jesus said regarding being a servant.

What God kept bringing to my attention, is the nature of the servant. This doesn't mean the way he or she acts during church, or when others are watching, or when there's something to gain. Someone's nature is who they are when no one's watching. It's a part of who they are, internally, that governs their actions. The good news is, taking on the nature of a servant is like playing a musical instrument, it can be learned. It's not something you must be born with or else you'll never have it. So let's figure out what traits to develop on this journey of following Christ and becoming a servant.

A servant:

humbles himself - willing to fill the needs of others, regardless of credit, praise, or status
submits - willing to give up control to God, and those in authority over him or her,
is obedient - does what is asked of him because it is the right thing to do according to God
helps - finds needs of others and fills them joyfully, doesn't complain about his own needs that aren't being met by other people. Instead expects God to meet his own needs.
has joy from within - not resentful of the duties being performed, enjoys the gift of helping
respectful - refuses to quarrel with those around him, instead, seeks solutions to problems rather than assigning blame, complaining or gossiping.
loves God - by serving Jesus' flock, a servant feels God's presence and love.

So how can we as His followers decide to be better servants? Sometimes the best way is to just jump in with faith and trust and fill the needs God presents to you. Pray about it. Ask the Lord for guidance (through His Word and the Holy Spirit) which areas He desires to see you serve. God doesn't ask for a few to try to please the crowds with false humility, or with busyness. He only asks that as Christ's body, we should serve one another.

The best example is the first church, mentioned in the book of Acts. It says in Acts 4 that all the believers were one in heart and mind. No one claimed material possessions as their own, they shared all they had. There were no needy among them. Imagine if we all took on that servant nature! What kind of church would we have? What kind of group of people could we become? How would that impact those outside looking in? Let's all pray and ask how we can serve each other during this season of our lives. Let's take the focus off what we wish someone would do, or teach. Instead, let's focus on what God-given abilities and gifts we've been blessed with, and how we can bless our members with them.

Prayer:

Dear Heavenly Father,
Thank you for sending us such a perfect example of servant hood in your son, Jesus. We want to become better servants ourselves, but taking the first step in sometimes the hardest of all. We ask that you'd speak to our hearts and minds. Show us the needs in our church and community, and inspire us to trust you to teach us how to fill it, how to be a good servant, for your glory, and to further your kingdom here on earth. May we one day hear those wonderful
words spoken to us from your lips, "well done, good and faithful servant."

New 2011 Resolutions for my faith:

1. Reading my bible daily, not when I think of it.

2. We just joined a new Sunday morning study with church friends.

3. Take the time to listen to sermons throughout the week when I need a lift.
I'll be listening to both Phil from MVC and Cal from Central.

4. I'm following the Maker's Diet (basically just eating right, not counting
calories like a traditional diet.) I'll be eating what God created and
incorporating brief prayer into my day at least 3 to 5 times a day.

5. I want to find 3 people this year to really become close friends with, to
help make a significant difference for the better, to be her positive
influence and sounding board, as well as bring her closer to God.

6. I hope to find 5 people this year to bring to Jesus for the first time. I
hope it's family, or a close friend, but it doesn't have to be.

Christmas Spirit?

Am I crazy to expect to feel the Christmas Spirit? It seems lately people around me are in one of two camps: either they're so full of joy and happiness that I feel like I'm really missing out on something big, or else they're so void of joy and happiness that they want/need everyone around them to feel the same way - and they try to make others feel silly or childish for expecting more than the same old, same old.

I feel stuck in the middle. I want to be joyful. I AM taking time to stop and remember the true meaning of Christmas. I definitely don't buy into the commercial side of the holidays. But just because we won't be buying lots of gifts, or be spending the holidays with a large houseful of family, does that mean I have to join up with the "other side"?

What I think I want is to be the person who spreads the peace, the joy of salvation, the miracle of Christ, but I think I feel I'm lacking in people to share that with. We're in the middle of nowhere. There isn't really much to do out here, not a lot of gatherings of people to meet. It's a very lonely time of year for me this year.

So what did David do when he felt alone? disheartened? sad? He turned to his Heavenly Father. That was his source of joy, hope, strength, and peace. So that's what I must do. I need to turn over the stress and bad feelings and trust in His plan for us, remember all God's already done in our lives and find hope because His perfect plan has a happy ending. I believe when I feel this way, it just means I need to get closer to Him. God can fill me with His Holy Spirit - and that's more than the generic Christmas Spirit can ever offer. I'll take time this week to really put aside the mechanics of running through the usual routines of life and really focus on God, who He is, what He can and will do, and I know I'll find that inner joy that I've been lacking.

Thank you Father. Like David, by the end of writing a psalm, he already feels hope that things are looking up.

Afternoon Tea at Church

Today was exactly what I needed, afternoon tea at church with the ladies. I didn't know if I'd know anyone there but I went anyway. What better way to get to know strangers, right?

I chose to sit at a table with women close to my age - there's very few of those up here. Usually, they're born here, move to Phoenix for their "productive years" then move back up here to retire, maybe becoming a snowbird and maintaining a condo in the Valley.

Anyway, I chose an Island Mango type of tea for my meal. The food was presented well and tasted pretty good. There were scones, small sandwiches, and some phyllo cups with veggies. The Chicken Tortilla soup was very good, too. I'm going to get a copy of the recipe at church tomorrow from one of the guests.

Dessert was a little dish with 4 small tea desserts. They were pretty good too. I chose a Vanilla Caramel Truffle tea for that.

The nice part was really the conversation, getting to know the ladies at our new church. They're mostly in their 60s and up, but there's a few younger that I can fit in with, and all the ladies are so nice. We had a time of focusing on Christmas with little prizes to fill up a bag of reminders of the season. Our table hostess Erica was nice enough to buy everyone at our table a little fall scented candle too. I even met a woman who approached me to say she too was a Monavie distributor and one of her customers saw the sticker on our van and told her about me. Maybe she'll tie in with some of us and we'll get our local business growing like our distance group.

Tomorrow at church, I'll have new familiar faces (still bad with names when they're all so similar: white, white curly short hairdo's, glasses, and shaped about the same, same height, and most with blue eyes). I think this new church will be great for us - not too big that we can't meet everyone, not so small that there's nothing going on to fellowship outside of service. I'm interested in what their Christmas services will look like!

Learning to Trust

What an "adventure" this past 6 months have been! We've watched our business grow and shrink, back and forth, half a dozen times. We've used up all our savings, tax refund money and cashed in 401ks. We've put out job applications (in case that's what God wants us to do in the meantime) and not one has responded back to us. By the way, I hate this new getting a job by online applications only - how are you supposed to sell yourself to the new employer?

Anyway, as we approach Christmas, we realize that this year will have to be very different. Even in years with what looked like no money at all, we managed a few things for the kids and baked/shipped gifts to close relatives and friends. This year, it'll have to be just about being together, appreciating that we live in a nice home, with heat and running water. We'll be celebrating that we've made it this far. We'll have to focus on hope for 2011 to be better with God's blessings finally arriving.

This morning I couldn't sleep past 5:30 so I got up to read my bible and take notes on the verses brought to my attention. They almost always have one common theme when I do this - isn't it "funny" how that works?

Today, every verse was about how God saved people from poverty, enemies, starvation, etc. and He promises to bring us into the Promised Land with food, water and financial stability. I've learned to trust God over the past 10 years or so. He's brought me through more than I could ever explain. My joy isn't quite back where it should be, but my hope is growing. I trust Him to get us through this and that if we follow His commands, remain humble, and serve others above ourselves - I truly believe that He'll bless and reward us this next year. We've had some difficult lessons to learn, but hopefully, we're learning the last of them now so we can help others and in turn, get ourselves up and out of this mess too.

I still remember the morning I awoke to what really sounded like God's audible voice regarding this business saying, "I've ALREADY given you everything you need." I trust Him to bring us out of this with our business. I've known for years now that this is how He's going to change our lives, but first, He had to change us on the inside to prepare us for that leadership role.

What do you need to trust God for today?

In the nick of time...again

Living out your faith isn't easy. You have to let go of selfish desires, pride, arrogance and fear. You also have to learn to trust and wait and be patient. I know, sounds like no fun, right? Well, the amazing thing is that over time you gather experience with who God is and who you aren't. I've had Him come in and save the day just in the nick of time...over and over and over and over.

Our latest adventure is this whole living off of our internet company. We live in such a rural area that there aren't any jobs. What we do full-time now is put all we can into growing our business and pray hard until it makes enough to cover our monthly budget. Just when we had exhausted all resources, people on our team have lost their jobs or had life turn them upside-down (so they stopped moving forward and cancelled some orders), it looked like this was it. No way out.

Than God came in and saved the day yet again! He found us money I didn't even know we had. Enough to cover our bills, pay for an extra month of bills in advance, get our home restocked with necessities, get us the warm clothes we need for a mountain winter (most of us don't even own sweaters, coats and long-sleeved shirts after living in Phoenix for 7 years), and there's even enough left over for new tires & rotors for the van. Is He amazing or what?!

Although we were okay with the church we'd found here, we've been led to some new friends, closer to our age, who've invited us to their church. We enjoyed their service Sunday very much and last night we all tried the Men's, Women's, and Youth Group studies. Those were different from what we were used to, but I think we're there for a purpose. I could see needs that are unmet there and feel we've been through enough that we may be called to help fill them. We'll see. This is where I learn to be patient instead of my usual "jump right in".

It would take days to recall every time things looked hopeless in my life and yet God stepped in and saved the day just in the nick of time. What a way to feel special and loved. Thank you, Father.

How strong is our faith?

It's a time of testing our faith for sure. We've all been without jobs for almost 4 months now. The savings is gone and we're living off of the income from our Monavie business. It's growing more and more, and we get paid every week now, but it's not quite to budget just yet.

The Word says God knows what we need. He clothes the flowers of the field so beautifully and they only live a brief time - so how much more will he clothe us? It says the birds don't worry about where they'll find shelter, food or water - so why should we? - God loves us and will provide for us too. It says He has plans for us - not plans to harm us, but plans to give us a hope and a future. So we need to remain strong in our faith, even when circumstances bring fear. The Word also says to fear not, for God is with us. So why do we doubt? Why do we react to just what we see with our eyes? God's promises are there for those that believe.

God may decide to bring a temporary opportunity to Tim to get us through until our business is going full-steam ahead and we see duplication of our efforts from our team. He may also decide to NOT bring another opportunity to stretch our faith and to show how much He CAN do for us, that we'd be provided for in a way that can only be from His hand and not our own efforts, for His glory. That's the way that would excite me the most. For my loving Father to step in, make Himself known in such a tangible way, again reminding us how much we mean to Him.

How strong is our faith?

A New Church, A New Adventure

One of the hardest parts about moving is having to find a new church. It was such a blessing to be reunited with my friends at Mountain Valley, that leaving them again was very difficult.

On top of that, we've moved to where most of the churches are LDS (Mormon) or Catholic. Nothing wrong with either of those, except that they're not in line with how I choose to worship. The non-denominational churches here are few and far between, and they're extremely small, some are held in single-wide trailers.

I was fortunate enough to have found White Mountain Bible Church online before we moved. I listened to a few of their sermons on the internet, read their beliefs, and checked out their bulletin for the types of things available and events they host. It may be the closest thing to a fit for our family.

We took a while to get acclimated before going to check it out in person. (Actually, we went there at Christmas while visiting up here but that doesn't count, it's not a "normal" service.) We've been watching MVC's online videos in the meantime.

Anyway, 2 weeks ago there was an elder giving the sermon. Last week the brand new speaking pastor there made his debut - and he's from Scottsdale Bible! Practically neighbors of MVC and the same church that hosted many of our Eastside Explorers homeschool group's events. Pastor Randy and his wife Tammy are in the same transition and "culture shock" that we are, so we may turn out to become good friends. Once the fall starts, the Sunday school classes for both kids and adults will be starting back up. Hopefully the boys will find friends in the teen group there. Jordan should find friends among all the pre-teen girls we've seen there already.

The message was challenging and they aren't a seeker church. Their intent is to grow and equip Christ followers to go into the world and make a positive difference in humility. It may turn out to be great for us at this point in our adventure. I don't think I can take Tues. mornings off for a Ladies Bible Study this year, but we're starting a small group here at the house around Sept. (at least that's the plan). We'll see how that goes too.

This coming Sunday, we'll be blessed to be among our church family at Mountain Valley once again while in the Phoenix area. It's always good to come home.

Choices

Choices...they can be so difficult sometimes. Someone dear to me made a decision today that either way, would affect the rest of her life. One choice may lead to a lifetime of happiness, or condemn her to pain and suffering. The other may spare her hurt later on, but she may be plagued with "what if" for the rest of her life - or it may turn out to be the lesser of two evils. It's so hard to choose the right path when neither seems like a great choice.

Not only do I hurt for her, but even worse, I can relate to what she's dealing with. I had a similar experience recently and it tore me up inside. If I take path 1, the logical decision, I may be doomed to a lifetime of reliving the same hurts over and over. If I take path 2, the emotional choice, THAT pain may be even worse and ultimately, will turn out to be the worst choice.

How do you know? What do you do? Unfortunately, the one suffering today doesn't have a relationship with Jesus, so she doesn't have that small still voice, that "intuition", that gentle nudging from the Holy Spirit to guide her. It's days like this that I stop and realize how thankful I am for my faith. Without it, life would be such a mess for me. I would act more impulsively. I may retaliate and hurt someone else and go "too far". Usually, people who act without thinking or wisdom end up leaving a trail of disaster (and hurt people) in their wake. I don't want to be like that. I try time and time again to help my dear one understand what Jesus has to offer, but she doesn't want to listen...so I'm not sure how to help except to pray for her, her situation, and those involved.

I also realized today just how different I've become because of my faith. I probably would've made the same decision she did today had I not had my faith to guide me. I came so close. And it would've been so awful. And every day I hope and pray that I made the right choice, that I'll never have to go through the pain again that caused that crossroads. Knowing God has a plan for my life, a purpose in all of it, and that He loves me even when I can't see it - it keeps me going, on the right path, growing and learning every day.

I pray the rewards of a good choice are what I'll find at the end of the path I chose. And I pray the same for the one who hurts so badly tonight that I also love so much.

I'm so blessed even amidst a crisis.

Here we are, under the most financial stress we've ever endured. Many of our friends and family are under those same pressures, but God is really keeping us safe and protected through this. I see couples at the end of their rope with each other (it's really money pressure they're stressed with, not each other). I see people losing their homes wondering where they'll stay. I hear stories of families having to live long-term in their RVs or even their cars, with no idea if/when they'll be able to get into real shelter.

God has arranged things so that many blessings are coming from this. We'll be moving out of the city and into a place where we can focus on our family instead of a crazy (sales) work schedule, we'll all have more room after being so cramped in 1000sf for so long with no yard. We'll be able to finally have meals together as a family. We'll be able to breath fresh, clean air, drink clean water and help Tim's parents grow an organic garden (I hope). We're actually taking a giant step forward in this whole process, and I think it'll be great for the kids to be so close to their grandparents.

Moving with a few months of expenses saved up, we'll be able to explore the option for Tim to start his own business so he can control his own schedule. We're thinking maybe a computer consultant, but we'll see.

All I know, is that this COULD have been the worst thing to happen to us, but instead, God has provided a way, a place, the security, the right circumstances, the best timing, and He's got a plan for us. Not a plan to harm us, but plans for us to succeed. We're so blessed, even amidst a crisis.

Waiting for answers

What do you do when you're at a crossroads moment? We're about to make some major financial and life decisions that could either free us forever, or be the worst mistake in our lives. Trouble is, I don't know which is the right way to go.

I've prayed, I've paused to wait for God to answer me, and I've prayed for Him to direct Tim's decisions. I've learned that my job is to be supportive of my husband either way, and in obeying God's command regarding that, I can trust He'll handle the details from there.

I've also learned over the last 20 years when to listen to that voice inside that won't let me rest. If I'd listened to it all along, lots of things would be different. I sometimes make my concerns known, but I don't always act "loudly" enough that others change direction. It's a weird kind of thing, really. The way Tim & I describe it is that sometimes "I just know things". Call it discernent, maybe wisdom from God, maybe it's a spiritual gift of prophecy (others saw that in me WAY before I ever would have). All I know is that I've got a very restless spirit lately but I have to wait on answers, for God's timing, for Him to reveal His will and direction - through Tim, not me.

I'm all for waiting. I understand from experience that patience with God is a must. The hard part is knowing what my role is. I think our plans were purposely stalled to give us more time to think through the situation at hand. I just pray we're open to hear the advice we seek, even if it's opposite from what we think and can see for options.

I believe we were also given an amazing gift from above, but fear kept us from acting on it. I've heard many times that if you don't act on God's gifts, he'll take them away and give them to someone brave and courageous and trusting enough to use them. My biggest fear is that He's done that, and I pray for a second chance. I pray it's not too late to do something God purposed for us. This coupled with the other big decisions we're making is why I'm up typing this at 2:30 in the morning!

God has ALWAYS proven Himself to be faithful and trustworthy in the end. So for now, I continue to pray, be supportive of Tim during the decision-making process, and I'm waiting for answers.

Trusting God

Over the last 6 months or so, I've developed high blood pressure. Not just a little over the goal of 120/80. Not "pre-hypertension". Just full-blown, hypertension. I've had readings over 140/99! I've had lab work done. My cholesterol is perfect, my other numbers are well into the normal range, I have no other issues causing the hypertension except my constant state of stress. My pressure spikes at the drop of a hat lately, and my body can't get it to come down like it's supposed to. The first medication failed, so the doctor doubled the dosage and I felt like IT was going to kill me. I'm on prescription #3 in 60 days and still have unexplained spikes.

You know what I'm learning from it? To let go of things that maybe really were my responsibility before, but I'm trusting God to take care of it now.

I've had to trust God in spite of financial difficulties, trouble raising teenagers, having an already-full schedule but adding a part-time job anyway, stress from problems in the lives of friends and family that I care about, and so much more.

The lines of an old song about God are: You give and take away. Growing up in a house without faith, knowing only what a few years of Catholic training taught me, I thought that meant although God gives blessings, don't complain when you lose something he takes back/away. Now I'm finding a new meaning...Not only does He give blessings, but He's also powerful enough to take away - stress, problems, worry, unnecessary negative feelings, resentment over injustices, and so much more!

I recently read the book The Shack that came out a few years ago. It was a #1 best-seller, if you haven't heard of it. Some people loved it because the fictional story helps the reader understand God and His nature better. Others hated it because they felt it wasn't done in a way true to the Bible. I loved it. It's fiction, it's not supposed to be taken as literally the truth about God's nature from the Bible's evidence. Anyway, it really helped me see God as the loving Father who hurts when we, His children, are suffering. I understood that - logically, but when things weren't going right, I had a habit of thinking, "Ok, so what did I do wrong? Or what am I NOT doing, that God had to let this happen?" What a bad way to live.

I believe now, whole-heartedly, that God is just like us in our own parenting. We hurt when our kids get hurt. Although trusting God doesn't mean I won't have any problems anymore, it does mean that some will go away, some will still come but He'll see me through, and if worst comes to worst and I don't survive something, I'll still be comforted knowing I'll be delivered into His arms for all eternity.

Trust is about me letting go; remembering that this life and all its problems are temporary. It's about trusting that God has a plan, even if I can't see how it'll all work out. He's helping me find new answers - and hopefully this new path will help me lower my blood pressure by finally letting go of the stress of trying to manage it all.

Since the switch...

We made a decision about a week ago to return to our old church. My earlier posts from last year reveal just how devastated leaving was for me and how strongly I believed it was the wrong move - but I'm called to submit to Tim's leading for our household, and I believe it did help him grow in the mean time where maybe he wouldn't have without the change. Anyway, I firmly believe(d) that if we returned, so would God's blessings, something I've felt was removed for over a year and a half now since we left.

In just the past week, here's a list of blessings we've received:

-Tim was on a dry spell, not selling anything. He sold something the day we decided to go back to our old church.

- I ended up picking up extra shifts at work to help us provide a Christmas for our kids and to get last month's mortgage paid.

- Tim and I were able to discuss some things in our relationship that need changing and it was done in love, with understanding, and in agreement to work on them.

- I earned double what I expected on my extra shift this week.

- Tim and Adam haven't had a fight over anything since the decision was made. Adam's been more helpful, more respectful, and has restrained his attitudes. He's finally coming out of his dark funk of depression he's chosen to stay in for almost a year.

- People in our business are giving us more positive responses, people on our team are doing tastings without us now - we all just need to stay more consistent for results to kick in.

- I "found" an extra $70 in the checkbook I didn't realize we had.

- Something I wanted to get someone for a gift was too expensive, but they needed it, and I managed to be at the right place at the right time to find it for literally, ONE-FIFTH of its normal price.

- The joy and peace I've lived without for a year and a half has returned in full force!

- Lots of my stress-induced aches, pains and conditions are declining and/or have disappeared.

All this within a week or so of making the right decision to go where God wills us to be, for HIS purposes, to help others with gifts He's given us to build up His people.

Praise God for his mercy, forgiveness, love and elaborate giving. You can't out-give God!

What a Mighty God We Serve

Here I was all concerned about dealing with past issues...worried about being told "it's in the past, just let it go". God stepped in and created a safe environment to voice my thoughts, apologize for my own shortcomings and mistakes, and express my intent for a better future in certain relationships.

God protected the situation, kept things peaceful, gave me strength, softened the other people's hearts, and made it a positive outcome with His blessings.

What a mighty God we serve!

Dealing with the Past

What a week it's been. I've had lots of good things happen, I feel great new changes beginning to point me in the right direction, I'm finally on the right path again. However, I believe for this leg of my journey I'm going to have to deal with some stuff from the past.

We usually tend to keep things in, stuff them down, and hope they go away. Why do we all think that will work? Is it because we think we're "strong enough" to handle doing that? Is it something we were taught growing up? Is it our coping mechanism? Why don't we handle issues as they come, then move forward in a positive way? I know why...it's hard.

Jesus said if you're about to give your gift at the altar and remember there's something not right between you and your brother (or friend, or spouse, or sibling, or parent, etc.), then put down your offering, make amends, then return to give your best to God.

Doesn't it make more sense His way? When we hold onto past hurts, it does affect us, whether we'd like to admit it or not. We end up holding back our best from that person, or letting anger/hurt/resentment bother us when we're alone, or in the middle of the night. It affects our perception of the other person's motives. And we end up in worse shape than if we'd just handled it - good or bad. At least then it'd be over with, and you could put it behind you.

I'm finding I've got a few things that I need to fix. I know some of them are things I've said or done to others. (Believe me, the guilt on those is practically non-stop.) But a few are hurts I've encountered at the hands of others, too. I'm ready to be the best I can be, and do all I can to fix the future by dealing with the past. I don't have anger or hatred toward anyone at this point in my life. I've forgiven it all. I'm just ready to be useful to God and to do that, I believe I have to have a heart without resentment, or bad memories between others and myself.

With God's leading, and the love of Jesus, I know this too will be accomplished.