We made a decision about a week ago to return to our old church. My earlier posts from last year reveal just how devastated leaving was for me and how strongly I believed it was the wrong move - but I'm called to submit to Tim's leading for our household, and I believe it did help him grow in the mean time where maybe he wouldn't have without the change. Anyway, I firmly believe(d) that if we returned, so would God's blessings, something I've felt was removed for over a year and a half now since we left.
In just the past week, here's a list of blessings we've received:
-Tim was on a dry spell, not selling anything. He sold something the day we decided to go back to our old church.
- I ended up picking up extra shifts at work to help us provide a Christmas for our kids and to get last month's mortgage paid.
- Tim and I were able to discuss some things in our relationship that need changing and it was done in love, with understanding, and in agreement to work on them.
- I earned double what I expected on my extra shift this week.
- Tim and Adam haven't had a fight over anything since the decision was made. Adam's been more helpful, more respectful, and has restrained his attitudes. He's finally coming out of his dark funk of depression he's chosen to stay in for almost a year.
- People in our business are giving us more positive responses, people on our team are doing tastings without us now - we all just need to stay more consistent for results to kick in.
- I "found" an extra $70 in the checkbook I didn't realize we had.
- Something I wanted to get someone for a gift was too expensive, but they needed it, and I managed to be at the right place at the right time to find it for literally, ONE-FIFTH of its normal price.
- The joy and peace I've lived without for a year and a half has returned in full force!
- Lots of my stress-induced aches, pains and conditions are declining and/or have disappeared.
All this within a week or so of making the right decision to go where God wills us to be, for HIS purposes, to help others with gifts He's given us to build up His people.
Praise God for his mercy, forgiveness, love and elaborate giving. You can't out-give God!
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Monday, December 07, 2009
What a Mighty God We Serve
Here I was all concerned about dealing with past issues...worried about being told "it's in the past, just let it go". God stepped in and created a safe environment to voice my thoughts, apologize for my own shortcomings and mistakes, and express my intent for a better future in certain relationships.
God protected the situation, kept things peaceful, gave me strength, softened the other people's hearts, and made it a positive outcome with His blessings.
What a mighty God we serve!
God protected the situation, kept things peaceful, gave me strength, softened the other people's hearts, and made it a positive outcome with His blessings.
What a mighty God we serve!
Sunday, December 06, 2009
Dealing with the Past
What a week it's been. I've had lots of good things happen, I feel great new changes beginning to point me in the right direction, I'm finally on the right path again. However, I believe for this leg of my journey I'm going to have to deal with some stuff from the past.
We usually tend to keep things in, stuff them down, and hope they go away. Why do we all think that will work? Is it because we think we're "strong enough" to handle doing that? Is it something we were taught growing up? Is it our coping mechanism? Why don't we handle issues as they come, then move forward in a positive way? I know why...it's hard.
Jesus said if you're about to give your gift at the altar and remember there's something not right between you and your brother (or friend, or spouse, or sibling, or parent, etc.), then put down your offering, make amends, then return to give your best to God.
Doesn't it make more sense His way? When we hold onto past hurts, it does affect us, whether we'd like to admit it or not. We end up holding back our best from that person, or letting anger/hurt/resentment bother us when we're alone, or in the middle of the night. It affects our perception of the other person's motives. And we end up in worse shape than if we'd just handled it - good or bad. At least then it'd be over with, and you could put it behind you.
I'm finding I've got a few things that I need to fix. I know some of them are things I've said or done to others. (Believe me, the guilt on those is practically non-stop.) But a few are hurts I've encountered at the hands of others, too. I'm ready to be the best I can be, and do all I can to fix the future by dealing with the past. I don't have anger or hatred toward anyone at this point in my life. I've forgiven it all. I'm just ready to be useful to God and to do that, I believe I have to have a heart without resentment, or bad memories between others and myself.
With God's leading, and the love of Jesus, I know this too will be accomplished.
We usually tend to keep things in, stuff them down, and hope they go away. Why do we all think that will work? Is it because we think we're "strong enough" to handle doing that? Is it something we were taught growing up? Is it our coping mechanism? Why don't we handle issues as they come, then move forward in a positive way? I know why...it's hard.
Jesus said if you're about to give your gift at the altar and remember there's something not right between you and your brother (or friend, or spouse, or sibling, or parent, etc.), then put down your offering, make amends, then return to give your best to God.
Doesn't it make more sense His way? When we hold onto past hurts, it does affect us, whether we'd like to admit it or not. We end up holding back our best from that person, or letting anger/hurt/resentment bother us when we're alone, or in the middle of the night. It affects our perception of the other person's motives. And we end up in worse shape than if we'd just handled it - good or bad. At least then it'd be over with, and you could put it behind you.
I'm finding I've got a few things that I need to fix. I know some of them are things I've said or done to others. (Believe me, the guilt on those is practically non-stop.) But a few are hurts I've encountered at the hands of others, too. I'm ready to be the best I can be, and do all I can to fix the future by dealing with the past. I don't have anger or hatred toward anyone at this point in my life. I've forgiven it all. I'm just ready to be useful to God and to do that, I believe I have to have a heart without resentment, or bad memories between others and myself.
With God's leading, and the love of Jesus, I know this too will be accomplished.
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Recycling the Pain
This past weekend, we returned to our former church (where I'm still very actively involved). The message was called "Recycling the Pain". The message was about re-living past hurts and struggles because sharing your story with others will bring them hope, solutions, and help. Tim shared the struggles he/we faced 4 1/2 years ago. It wasn't easy to admit your sins in front of a few hundred people - but he was open, and honest, and gave God the credit for his 100% success in overcoming, and I'm so proud of him for that. All I had to do was explain how I felt as we went through it, and how God changed my perception to create a whole new future I never would've had today. I pray those who heard the message (or listen to it on the church's website) will be helped in some way by us re-living our worst season of life.
If I know you, and you want to hear it, leave me a message and I'll tell you where you can hear it. If I don't know you, just understand that you have things you've been through that can help others too...just be willing to share; you will be richly rewarded.
If I know you, and you want to hear it, leave me a message and I'll tell you where you can hear it. If I don't know you, just understand that you have things you've been through that can help others too...just be willing to share; you will be richly rewarded.
Saturday, November 14, 2009
Be Careful...it knows what scares you.
This is a memorable line from a movie; I'm pretty sure it's from Poltergeist back in the early 80s. It still applies today.
Here I am, it's a typical Saturday. The kids are playing outside with friends, my oldest worked for most of the afternoon, Tim's at work, as usual, and I've finished housework and school planning for the week. I find myself sad, for no reason, so I go to God and ask why.
Without saying things I shouldn't here, let's just say that I hate Tim's job. I'm thankful he has one since we still need him to have one - and I'm thankful because there are worse ones out there than his - but I still hate it. We're going to miss church together tomorrow, just as we're in the process of trying to restructure our lives to purposefully put God at the center to get out of some bad circumstances. Out of the lots of stores he could be sent to tomorrow, he's at the one store I wish he didn't have to go to, ever. Because of a meeting, he'll even be there early and will work til closing.
I've prayed that we could eliminate his job with passive income for years, but it hasn't been willed for us just yet.
All that to say this...the enemy knows what scares you.
When you try to pray more, he makes things go wrong so you ask, "What's the use?"
When you try to do God's will, he causes old issues to pop up and distract you.
When you try to bring your family together, he'll cause a child to act out in a bad
way, or to get into trouble that requires attention and strife.
When you try to strengthen your marriage, he'll bring temptation and bad thoughts
to you or your spouse.
When you try to let go and trust God in all things, he'll harrass you with doubt and
fear and depression, until you feel sick to your stomach.
And when you're trying to make things in your life better, stronger, and holier,
he'll send you sadness, and bring up past hurts, disappointments, broken
trust, forgotten promises, and keep you replaying bad moments of the past.
That's when you need to run to God, run to the father, ask Him to hold you safe in His arms where the enemy can't touch you. That's when you need to pray for peace that surpasses all understanding. That's when you need to summon the power of Christ in you, deny the schemes of the enemy, acknowlege his lies, and demand he leave you.
Remember, in Christ, He's strong when you're weak. You've been given all authority over the enemy. You CAN defeat the enemy in the name of Christ.
I hope this helps someone besides me at their time of need.
Here I am, it's a typical Saturday. The kids are playing outside with friends, my oldest worked for most of the afternoon, Tim's at work, as usual, and I've finished housework and school planning for the week. I find myself sad, for no reason, so I go to God and ask why.
Without saying things I shouldn't here, let's just say that I hate Tim's job. I'm thankful he has one since we still need him to have one - and I'm thankful because there are worse ones out there than his - but I still hate it. We're going to miss church together tomorrow, just as we're in the process of trying to restructure our lives to purposefully put God at the center to get out of some bad circumstances. Out of the lots of stores he could be sent to tomorrow, he's at the one store I wish he didn't have to go to, ever. Because of a meeting, he'll even be there early and will work til closing.
I've prayed that we could eliminate his job with passive income for years, but it hasn't been willed for us just yet.
All that to say this...the enemy knows what scares you.
When you try to pray more, he makes things go wrong so you ask, "What's the use?"
When you try to do God's will, he causes old issues to pop up and distract you.
When you try to bring your family together, he'll cause a child to act out in a bad
way, or to get into trouble that requires attention and strife.
When you try to strengthen your marriage, he'll bring temptation and bad thoughts
to you or your spouse.
When you try to let go and trust God in all things, he'll harrass you with doubt and
fear and depression, until you feel sick to your stomach.
And when you're trying to make things in your life better, stronger, and holier,
he'll send you sadness, and bring up past hurts, disappointments, broken
trust, forgotten promises, and keep you replaying bad moments of the past.
That's when you need to run to God, run to the father, ask Him to hold you safe in His arms where the enemy can't touch you. That's when you need to pray for peace that surpasses all understanding. That's when you need to summon the power of Christ in you, deny the schemes of the enemy, acknowlege his lies, and demand he leave you.
Remember, in Christ, He's strong when you're weak. You've been given all authority over the enemy. You CAN defeat the enemy in the name of Christ.
I hope this helps someone besides me at their time of need.
Monday, October 05, 2009
A Wonderful Husband
Over the past 4 1/2 years, I've really seen my husband change for the better and I needed to share that. He quit drinking, quit some other serious bad habits, he no longer yells uncontrollably over little things, he's willing to talk reasonably with our teenagers, and he's becoming a more Godly man all the time. What made the change? He surrendered. He made the choice to surrender control, trust in the power of the Holy Spirit to deliver him through temptations, and he decided to let go of the control struggle over his life. He's a lot more laid back regarding God's handling our circumstances.
One of the things I'm really proud of right now is the way he's consuming great books both in print and on audio files & cds. He's putting good stuff in and getting good stuff out. He's growing in wisdom and maturity, and he's learning to be less selfish, less focused on being the center of everyone's world. He's making the important things really matter most. And I couldn't be more proud of him.
He's finally becoming the man I always knew he had inside of him - the one God created him to be...the leader of our home and our family that we've so desperately needed all these years...I can see it coming, and I really respect him for it.
One of the things I'm really proud of right now is the way he's consuming great books both in print and on audio files & cds. He's putting good stuff in and getting good stuff out. He's growing in wisdom and maturity, and he's learning to be less selfish, less focused on being the center of everyone's world. He's making the important things really matter most. And I couldn't be more proud of him.
He's finally becoming the man I always knew he had inside of him - the one God created him to be...the leader of our home and our family that we've so desperately needed all these years...I can see it coming, and I really respect him for it.
Monday, August 24, 2009
Striving for the Center of His Will
This will be short and to the point. I've missed dwelling in the presence of my Father, at the center of His will for my life. I'm running back to find that place that He prepared for me. I know it'll look different than it did last time, but that's okay. I'm different now...not necessarily stronger - I'm not sure how much fight left I have in me, to be honest. I'm not stronger in my faith - I never doubted God's sovereignty in the last year's circumstances. I'm not more withdrawn, well, maybe I am. I'm concerned because He doesn't supercede our wills, and I'm afraid of another imposing their will on me.
All I know is that when I find that place, NOTHING will move me ever again. When I find "Home", I'm unpacking and staying for good. There's nothing in this world that can ever compare to the feeling when you're in the center of His will. I won't lose it again, and I'll get there again soon.
All I know is that when I find that place, NOTHING will move me ever again. When I find "Home", I'm unpacking and staying for good. There's nothing in this world that can ever compare to the feeling when you're in the center of His will. I won't lose it again, and I'll get there again soon.
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Books to Get Our Family Where We Belong
This summer I've had time to read for a change - and even Tim has been reading good, positive stuff too. Together we've decided there's a few books we'll be reading for us, and a few we'll incorporate by reading out loud and discussing as a family. We know what we want of and from our children, but don't always figure out how to get there. We're hoping these will help:
Tim's reading Boundaries in Marriage - one of my all-time favorite books
We'll both read Simon Says by Chuck Goetschel
We'll discuss as a family Do Hard Things by Alex & Brett Harris
We'll discuss as a family Leadership and Self-Deception by The Arbinger Institute
Our hope is to develop not only in our kids, but also in ourselves, a sense of getting past fears to do what needs to be done, to pursue our calling, to make the world a better place, and to take as many people with us on the journey as possible. Fear has stopped all of us long enough. It's our time to win.
Tim's reading Boundaries in Marriage - one of my all-time favorite books
We'll both read Simon Says by Chuck Goetschel
We'll discuss as a family Do Hard Things by Alex & Brett Harris
We'll discuss as a family Leadership and Self-Deception by The Arbinger Institute
Our hope is to develop not only in our kids, but also in ourselves, a sense of getting past fears to do what needs to be done, to pursue our calling, to make the world a better place, and to take as many people with us on the journey as possible. Fear has stopped all of us long enough. It's our time to win.
Saturday, June 20, 2009
Checking in...
It's not that I haven't been here to post. I just haven't found anything more important to say than the lessons I learned from the Boundaries in Marriage book.
Sunday, May 03, 2009
Freedom in Boundaries
The last year has been really hard, but finally I've had a breakthrough. I'm sure I covered it all in previous posts, but the new part of the equation is Boundaries. I seeked counsel from someone I trust for Godly advice, and he's far enough from knowing me that he could still be objective if I was off base. He suggested a few things to help me heal and move forward, but also he suggested I read a book titled "Boundaries in Marriage".
This is a great book. It's not about putting up walls to shut others out, it's not about being stubborn about your own opinions, and it's not about setting boundaries to fix nor control others. It's simply a book about setting my own boundaries on my own actions, attitudes, behaviors, choices, actions, and reactions. The surprising thing is that instead of barriers to make me feel more confined, I'm finding that this is God's design, especially in marriage (which mine is better than most already), and I'm finding more freedom than I ever have before.
I'm still learning, and I have to check my true, deep-down motives before I set up a boundary - but I'm getting the hang of it. It's been very freeing and I think it'll be good for my husband too. It'll give him freedom to choose how he interacts without me without feeling like he picked the "wrong" choice, or feel guilty. Just as I'm in charge of myself, he'll be in control of himself, and we both can find freedom to choose the things we truly have charge over.
Last week, I was able to decide where I'm headed, and that I won't stop til I get there. I can once again aim for the center of God's will for my life. It may be a different place than it was the last time I found myself there. It may look strange compared to last time. But I CAN find it again and live my life intentionally, on purpose, free to pursue all God created me to be, serving where HE dictates. And now, nothing will be able to take it away from me.
For that, I thank my mentor in this situation, and I praise God for His wisdom and design for His children. And that He makes His will for my life known to me - then provides the help I need to get there.
I'm truly blessed...and I am FREE !!!!!
Monday, April 06, 2009
How do you find JOY again?
It's been a rough 12 months. I've had to do a bad job at homeschooling my kids for most of this school year, had to find a job with no qualifications, after finding the job it shut down unexpectedly, our finances are the worst they've been in years, our business is growing but a lot slower than it should be with the numbers of people we've got - they just aren't doing anything lately, my cousin's awaiting biopsy results the doctor wanted to discuss ASAP, we just lost Tim's grandmother, and the last 4 out of 4 mini-vacations I planned didn't happen. On top of that, I've been taken from my only secure place, my home church, and replanted to a new huge one where I don't know anyone and they aren't as friendly in practice as the head staff would like to think. The bible study I joined to fit in was not very organized or connected - to each other, nor the church as a whole. I'm ready for a vacation!
So how do I find that JOY again? That JOY that only comes from the Lord? I can deal with being contented with what I have, thankful for the little we do have, and appreciate the blessings I've already received, but it's not the same as true JOY.
I've gone through an extensive restart, a long, detailed confession, an on-my-knees begging for positive changes, and everything leads down a path of sorrow, fear or just plain inactivity. I don't know what else to do.
I pray for a renewing in my spirit. I've been asking for Jesus to speak to me - and for me to hear it. I feel like I'm in a box where I can see God moving around me, but I'm not allowed to participate in any of it.
My greatest JOY came from sharing with others (every week) all that God is, and does, and promises, and wants to do for us. I don't think I'll find that JOY again until I find a new forum to do that again. Praising Him was the only thing that really brought me JOY unlike anything else this world has to offer.
So how do I find that JOY again? That JOY that only comes from the Lord? I can deal with being contented with what I have, thankful for the little we do have, and appreciate the blessings I've already received, but it's not the same as true JOY.
I've gone through an extensive restart, a long, detailed confession, an on-my-knees begging for positive changes, and everything leads down a path of sorrow, fear or just plain inactivity. I don't know what else to do.
I pray for a renewing in my spirit. I've been asking for Jesus to speak to me - and for me to hear it. I feel like I'm in a box where I can see God moving around me, but I'm not allowed to participate in any of it.
My greatest JOY came from sharing with others (every week) all that God is, and does, and promises, and wants to do for us. I don't think I'll find that JOY again until I find a new forum to do that again. Praising Him was the only thing that really brought me JOY unlike anything else this world has to offer.
Sunday, February 15, 2009
Lessons from Isaiah
I've read my bible many times before, but I guess I never read ALL of Isaiah. In January I read Isaiah and really got to know the heart of God. We are still living like the Israelites, us, the modern new believers - I'm not talking about the non-believers. We know right from wrong, but somehow we always tend to say the wrong thing, pick on or insult each other, judge each other (I hate that one!), do selfish things, argue because of ego, the list goes on and on.
God tried so hard to reach out to His people. He begged them to return. He told them He was jealous but would forgive them. He promised them the world, and beyond! Still they insist that their way was better, they were right, He was wrong. They didn't want to be restricted by rules, even rules that would keep them safe, protected and lead to an amazing journey beside God. We haven't learned anything in all these centuries, have we?
We still chase false idols today. Maybe we don't bow to a statue of gold or wood, or cry out a false-god's name, or throw our children into a fire to appease an unseen god but look what we DO still do:
We neglect our families for money to buy TOYS, big-screen tv's, newer cars, bigger houses we know we can't afford, take trips we can't pay cash for, eating out several times a week, it goes on and on. Meanwhile, wives are raising the kids as single-parents, kids have awful, if any, relationships with their fathers, it's an emotional train wreck.
We also seek to be seen as powerful, or better than the guy next to us, or richer than the neighbor, or smarter than our co-worker. We put on such a front that the truth eats us alive. We become so stressed about trying to keep up appearances, our health suffers. Not to mention that we eat packaged garbage, full of chemicals, loaded with poisons and toxins - as if the pollution we breath isn't enough! That's the health train wreck.
When we've over-spent, and the economy tanks like it has, we find ourselves laid off, our in jeopardy of it, family and friends are suffering around us and we haven't saved up enough to help them. Many are losing their home, waiting so long for benefits they can't buy necessary medications, or even food. It's the financial train wreck.
So what did I learn? God wants us to stop this ridiculous life we've created for ourselves. Be real, admit our shortcomings, be humble, and return to Him. He's promised us life in abundance here on earth, and an afterlife beyond anything our human minds can possibly imagine...if we only trust in Him, accept Jesus as Lord of our lives, doing things the way He would, letting go of the smoke and mirrors show. Only then can we find true happiness and find the truth, the secret to living a life of peace and hope, the truth that truly sets you free. Free to be who you are. Free to be all you were meant to be. Free to have the close relationships you desire. Free to let go of the things that kept us miserable and chained.
Have you talked to God today? He's listening, He loves you, and He wants you beside Him.
God tried so hard to reach out to His people. He begged them to return. He told them He was jealous but would forgive them. He promised them the world, and beyond! Still they insist that their way was better, they were right, He was wrong. They didn't want to be restricted by rules, even rules that would keep them safe, protected and lead to an amazing journey beside God. We haven't learned anything in all these centuries, have we?
We still chase false idols today. Maybe we don't bow to a statue of gold or wood, or cry out a false-god's name, or throw our children into a fire to appease an unseen god but look what we DO still do:
We neglect our families for money to buy TOYS, big-screen tv's, newer cars, bigger houses we know we can't afford, take trips we can't pay cash for, eating out several times a week, it goes on and on. Meanwhile, wives are raising the kids as single-parents, kids have awful, if any, relationships with their fathers, it's an emotional train wreck.
We also seek to be seen as powerful, or better than the guy next to us, or richer than the neighbor, or smarter than our co-worker. We put on such a front that the truth eats us alive. We become so stressed about trying to keep up appearances, our health suffers. Not to mention that we eat packaged garbage, full of chemicals, loaded with poisons and toxins - as if the pollution we breath isn't enough! That's the health train wreck.
When we've over-spent, and the economy tanks like it has, we find ourselves laid off, our in jeopardy of it, family and friends are suffering around us and we haven't saved up enough to help them. Many are losing their home, waiting so long for benefits they can't buy necessary medications, or even food. It's the financial train wreck.
So what did I learn? God wants us to stop this ridiculous life we've created for ourselves. Be real, admit our shortcomings, be humble, and return to Him. He's promised us life in abundance here on earth, and an afterlife beyond anything our human minds can possibly imagine...if we only trust in Him, accept Jesus as Lord of our lives, doing things the way He would, letting go of the smoke and mirrors show. Only then can we find true happiness and find the truth, the secret to living a life of peace and hope, the truth that truly sets you free. Free to be who you are. Free to be all you were meant to be. Free to have the close relationships you desire. Free to let go of the things that kept us miserable and chained.
Have you talked to God today? He's listening, He loves you, and He wants you beside Him.
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Esther? Joseph? You decide...
Last week an odd thing happened. The place I work shut down and I'm back home with the kids, at least for now, but without the money we need. I'm trying to figure out the purpose in all this - why did I get hired there? why did it shut down? what was I supposed to learn? was my husband supposed to learn something? here's the best I can figure:
I needed to re-learn the value of money and paying cash for everything. Both of us had become used to buying things on credit instead of delaying our wants. Yes, 90% of the charges were necessary, like having to buy gas to get to work, or getting our vehicle registrations done, etc., but the other 10% was stuff that wasn't really necessary. Now I know better.
I needed to appreciate my time with my kids, my freedom to pick my schedule, the freedom to do what needs to be done without having to destroy my body at a job. I needed to know how stressed life could make me so I can appreciate every single day at home now.
I know God wants us to build our own business, and He's truly blessed us beyond our efforts so far, so I believe the job was to protect me from someplace worse - since I obeyed and submitted to getting a job - and then it was shut down to close that door since it wasn't God's plan for how we were to get out of debt in the first place. I believe God has told us what to do, and if we try our own way, or my husband's way, the answer is "No, I won't bless that". Succeeding would mean we'd be helping too many others to selfishly refuse to do it.
I also think it was an eye-opener to health issues I have but I've been ignoring. Having the job really brought some of them out and now I know I need to be thinking preventatively before it's too late.
Half my friends think I've spent the last 6 months living like Esther, obeying and submitting to another's will (my husband's), and God blessed it, and I was there for a reason or to touch another's life (like the friend there who's also in our business now), or to be an example to the bible study ladies how to obey in difficult circumstances. I believed what I was being forced to do was outside of God's will, but I obeyed and prayed, and now I've been saved and delivered (so far).
The other half think I've lived like Joseph. I was sold into slavery (the job) and kept from my family, but stayed faithful to God, changed my heart, humbly asked God to be in charge of my life, and in the end, I was returned to my family, better for the experience.
Whatever the reasons, it doesn't matter. All that matters now is that I'm better for it, but never want to go through it again. I'd rather learn all I should've from it and put it all behind me. I just hope my husband can do the same.
I needed to re-learn the value of money and paying cash for everything. Both of us had become used to buying things on credit instead of delaying our wants. Yes, 90% of the charges were necessary, like having to buy gas to get to work, or getting our vehicle registrations done, etc., but the other 10% was stuff that wasn't really necessary. Now I know better.
I needed to appreciate my time with my kids, my freedom to pick my schedule, the freedom to do what needs to be done without having to destroy my body at a job. I needed to know how stressed life could make me so I can appreciate every single day at home now.
I know God wants us to build our own business, and He's truly blessed us beyond our efforts so far, so I believe the job was to protect me from someplace worse - since I obeyed and submitted to getting a job - and then it was shut down to close that door since it wasn't God's plan for how we were to get out of debt in the first place. I believe God has told us what to do, and if we try our own way, or my husband's way, the answer is "No, I won't bless that". Succeeding would mean we'd be helping too many others to selfishly refuse to do it.
I also think it was an eye-opener to health issues I have but I've been ignoring. Having the job really brought some of them out and now I know I need to be thinking preventatively before it's too late.
Half my friends think I've spent the last 6 months living like Esther, obeying and submitting to another's will (my husband's), and God blessed it, and I was there for a reason or to touch another's life (like the friend there who's also in our business now), or to be an example to the bible study ladies how to obey in difficult circumstances. I believed what I was being forced to do was outside of God's will, but I obeyed and prayed, and now I've been saved and delivered (so far).
The other half think I've lived like Joseph. I was sold into slavery (the job) and kept from my family, but stayed faithful to God, changed my heart, humbly asked God to be in charge of my life, and in the end, I was returned to my family, better for the experience.
Whatever the reasons, it doesn't matter. All that matters now is that I'm better for it, but never want to go through it again. I'd rather learn all I should've from it and put it all behind me. I just hope my husband can do the same.
Friday, January 02, 2009
I Need a Change of Perspective
I've been struggling for the past few months, but the last week in particular. I've always been a goal-setter, a list-maker, striving to become better, willing to change. I have a hard time understanding people who are happy to just let life happen to them. I don't think they mean to be that way, necessarily. But do they realize that if they don't plan their path, then they end up wherever life takes them? Problems don't solve themselves. Relationships don't grow on their own. Finances don't fix themselves.
I've got someone I care about who just seems to be going through the motions of life without any real willingness to do anything different. This person has a family counting on them to direct the path, to lead them spiritually, to bring hope and encouragement into their family's lives, yet the outward appearances say, "nah, it's too hard, I'm only going to do what I feel like doing and nothing more".
I don't know how to help this person, but it's ruining our relationship. They've become so closed off, so de-motivated, they have nothing positive to put into our friendship/relationship, and seems only interested in doing things together when it helps them get what they want. It's really been hard for me, I don't know who to talk to about it, so as usual, I come to my heavenly Father asking for the only thing I can ask for: a change of perspective.
Dear Father,
You know my internal and emotional struggles in this relationship. You know I want to deepen it, yet I'm fighting this losing battle alone. It's brough resentment and hurt and I need you to fix it. It's not something I believe I can fix myself. I need you to change my perspective. Help me see this person's strengths, appreciate the little things, and see them through your eyes. Help me to see my own part in the problems between us and work on whatever I can do to improve the situation. I believe you brought this person to me for a reason, remove my thoughts of giving up and walking away from this. Rekindle the fun we've had, remind me of all the reasons this is a good relationship, and help me to find peace instead of loneliness and frustration. I turn it all over to you in the name of Jesus,
Amen
***note: the next morning, I woke up and all of these feelings were gone, the resentment, the frustration, the anger, all of it. God works so fast! I felt an amazing peace regarding this situation - like the bible says - a peace that surpasses all understanding.
I've got someone I care about who just seems to be going through the motions of life without any real willingness to do anything different. This person has a family counting on them to direct the path, to lead them spiritually, to bring hope and encouragement into their family's lives, yet the outward appearances say, "nah, it's too hard, I'm only going to do what I feel like doing and nothing more".
I don't know how to help this person, but it's ruining our relationship. They've become so closed off, so de-motivated, they have nothing positive to put into our friendship/relationship, and seems only interested in doing things together when it helps them get what they want. It's really been hard for me, I don't know who to talk to about it, so as usual, I come to my heavenly Father asking for the only thing I can ask for: a change of perspective.
Dear Father,
You know my internal and emotional struggles in this relationship. You know I want to deepen it, yet I'm fighting this losing battle alone. It's brough resentment and hurt and I need you to fix it. It's not something I believe I can fix myself. I need you to change my perspective. Help me see this person's strengths, appreciate the little things, and see them through your eyes. Help me to see my own part in the problems between us and work on whatever I can do to improve the situation. I believe you brought this person to me for a reason, remove my thoughts of giving up and walking away from this. Rekindle the fun we've had, remind me of all the reasons this is a good relationship, and help me to find peace instead of loneliness and frustration. I turn it all over to you in the name of Jesus,
Amen
***note: the next morning, I woke up and all of these feelings were gone, the resentment, the frustration, the anger, all of it. God works so fast! I felt an amazing peace regarding this situation - like the bible says - a peace that surpasses all understanding.
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