Silently processing.

I just realized how long it's been since I've blogged here. Maybe it's because I've been sleeping through the night finally for the first time in my life, and I used to blog when I was up at 2 AM? Anyway, the past 3 months, I guess I've just been silently processing. What I mean is that I've been taking in information, processing it all to figure out what's important to me and what I can let go of to reduce stress. I've sorted through the "should do"s and the "have to"s. I've stepped back to compare my words and actions to those I look up to spiritually to see where I need to improve - I mean this in a very positive growth sort of way, not comparing in a prideful nor a self-condemning way. What I found is that I'm tired of the useless things that we all do thinking we're spreading our faith. Take Facebook for example. We see those messages that say things like, "Share if you love Jesus, Ignore if you hate him." Really? Jesus stopped looking at our heart and instead judges our love for him based on how many memes we forward? I don't think so. What about the ones that say, "Share this on your wall and God will grant you a miracle in the next half hour." Again, really?! Now God's our genie waiting for our commands if we only forward a message on social media? What about the arguments that take place all over the internet, both on Facebook and in the comments section of articles online? How does the name-calling help? Or the bickering over minor details? All this is futile; a huge waste of time and energy. I rarely do these things, but they're so prevalent they were worth bringing up here. Another issue I've observed is the media suppressing the truth, the love and good Christians do, and belittling (if not judging and condemning) everything Christians say and do. This isn't a new revelation, but again, I've been really thinking on this and wondering what I alone can do about it. Maybe it's the whole Duck Dynasty/A & E controversy that really brought it to a head. Over 1.3 million people in our country chose to make an effort to let their voices be heard as they stand with Phil Robertson, and they did it in just 24 hours! They shouted that he has the right to his own personal opinion. He wasn't on television in front of millions when he said it, he was in a private interview with a man talking in the form of a conversation, off-camera, answering a loaded question truthfully. Had he answered it politically correct, he would've been slammed in the media saying he doesn't really live out the beliefs he claims he has. The often silenced Christians were a united front for the first time in a long time. No arguing over minor differences between their labels on their church sign - just standing together on common ground. I also recognize that there were many who may be on opposite sides of political arguments, and those without a faith of their own, that also took a stand with Phil. They see the media and government taking away our personal freedoms, and trying to dictate what we can and can't say, how we are allowed to believe, and they too put aside other differences to be heard as they stood united with us for freedom of speech and personal choices. I guess the end result of my months of silently processing has come to this. Choose the battles wisely. Stop the arguing. Find the common ground and go from there. Treat others with love and respect, even if they're different, so that you'll then (if you're a Christian) have a better chance of developing a dialogue to share the good news of Jesus Christ with people. One of the nicest things I've heard people say to me, as well as the thing that makes me happy with myself, is when someone who may be Atheist, Agnostic, Democrat, or belongs to some other group I'm not a part of says, "Wow. I've never had a conversation like this with a Christian/Republican. You weren't arguing with me. You listened to me. You didn't change your point of view, but you showed mine respect and you seem to genuinely care. You weren't judgmental, and I've never been able to have a conversation like this before. Thank you." That's how we make a difference. I also see value in writing to the powers-that-be that can help us be heard in government and the media, but loving and respecting people, finding common ground first, one person at a time. That's how I, just one person, can make a difference.

I Want to Be Like Caleb

My favorite character in the bible (next to Jesus, of course) is Caleb. That might sound strang since we know almost nothing about him. He's mentioned in Joshua 13 and 14, Deuteronomy 1, Numbers 13, 14, 26, 32, and 34. We know he was the son of Jephunneh the Kenazite, he was one of the 12 spies Joshua sent to spy out the promised land, he was 40 when he did that, he was from the tribe of Judah, and he had three sons. The one thing he's best known for is his trust in God. When God told the Israelites to spy out the promised land He was giving to them, they sent out 12 spies. Two were Joshua and Caleb, and there were 10 others. Ten came back reporting the fears and problems, claiming to have seen giants in the land, and they described the hardships to taking over. Maybe they expected to just walk right in because they thought the land was an easy gift, one without anything required from themselves. Only Joshua and Caleb returned and reported that it was flowing with milk and honey, it was going to be good land, and once God gave them victory over the people there, it wood be wonderful. Ten saw the giants and were afraid. They let fear stop them from seeing all God had in store for them. Two trusted God, believed it was already handed over to them, and were willing to go to war to take it from those people that were already in it. Caleb (and Joshua) understood they would have to go to war for it, there had to be a struggle, a fight, to take what was given to them by God. Their response? "Let's go take it at once!" The bible goes on to say that because of the fear of the people, no one would be able to enter the promised land except for Joshua and Caleb. For 40 years, the Israelites were not allowed to enter it. Only at the age of 80 was Caleb allowed to enter the land promised so long ago. The generation of doubters who feared instead of trusted had to die off. Only their offspring would be entering the new land. Back to today...we all have certain fears or things we have to face. In our modern society, it may be entering or committing to a relationship, entering a new job, going back to school, managing risks to venture out and start a company, invest in something you hope will be there in your later years, let go of your now grown child as they venture out on their own, cut off ties that are toxic to your mental health, bravely walk away from bad habits or addictions, the list is endless. What we do with that fear determines if we're more like Caleb, or more like the other ten spies. Which one are you? Which one am I? To be more like Caleb, there's a few things that must take place. The first is obedience to God. You have to trust Him and believe that He has given you the victory when you're doing everything you can to live for Him. God is very good at letting us know when we're on the right or wrong path - it's up to us to listen to Him, to be alert for signs God gives us, and to pray for His discernment. Once we know we're on the right path, and we know that God will bless what we're trying to do, then it's time to be like Caleb and trust Him for the victory. It's about acting, doing something, whether it's without fear or in spite of it, but you must use action to overcome this fear. I have found over the years the faster we jump in with both feet, the easier it is to get through the battle. Don't give yourself time to mull over the obstacles, to worry about what might happen. Act before you have time to think about it. When God's already given you direction, MOVE on it. The next thing that we can do to be like Caleb is to be honest about the problems. We know we'll face obstacles. We know it won't be easy. Knowing what the problems will be, and planning a strategy to overcome them is not the same as not trusting God. It's simply being prepared for what you will be facing. Know what to expect, create a plan of attack, then move on it...quickly. The last thing we can do is to remind our self and focus on what we know to be true. Know that God has a plan to prosper and not harm us. Know that He's always on our side. Know that the victory is ours if we're living out what He's revealed we should do in our life. Don't let the giants get in the way. Don't give in to fear. Don't be surprised that you have to fight the battles to win the prize - they aren't just handed to you. I want to live a more meaningful life, a life more abundant, a life of overcoming fears, not being stopped by them and settling for mediocre. I want all God wants to give me if I'm willing to do the work required to earn it. I want to be like Caleb.

Who Are You Really?

I've sat through sermons for years now and after a while, you start to think, "I've heard it all before." Don't get me wrong, it's great to hear a reminder message, or to hear about the things you used to do but have gotten away from. But sometimes it's quite a while before you hear a really new concept. This past Sunday we had a guest speaker, and he gave me something totally new to think about that I want to share with you. Hopefully, it will help you like it has me. Our speaker said, "When God looks at you, do you think he sees a sinner or a saint?" Wow...think about that. I know every bad thought I've had, every failed attempt to do better at something, every day I forgot to take time to read my bible, how much more I should be praying over, the struggles I haven't overcome yet, etc. I had to admit, when I picture God looking at me, I really did picture Him seeing me as a sinner, hoping I'd "get it" and figure out how to stop the stuff I too don't like about myself. The thought of God seeing me as a saint hadn't occurred to me. How could He? He's perfect. He's a jealous God who doesn't tolerate disobedience...which I explain in my head is all the things I should do but don't or haven't done yet. But you know what? The guest speaker was right...God sees us as a saint. Let me explain... Jesus died for our sins. You've probably heard that before. But for those who really do believe in Him, and call Him our Lord and Savior, and believe he died for our sins and raised from the dead - He died for ALL of our sins. Not just the "big ones", not those in the past, but for ALL of them. When God looks at us, He sees us through Christ. And through that lens or filter of pure perfection, He chooses to see us that way. Yes, God knows what we do to mess up, and yes, we should still confess our sins to Him so nothing interferes with our relationship with Him, but He sees us in a way we can't even see ourselves. I think of it this way, imagine one of those 1970s/1980s 3D posters. Remember those? They traced the outline of something with both a red and a blue line slightly apart from each other. To look at the poster, you could make out what the image was, but it wasn't very pleasing to the eye, it wasn't clear, it wasn't attractive. Then you put on those glasses with one red lens and one blue lens and suddenly you saw with amazing clarity this amazing, wonderful 3D image! Those blurry edges were still there, you KNEW they were still there, but through those lenses, you chose to see it in a new way, one that was so much better than it first looked. I imagine God sees us kind of like that. We have our own blurry or rough edges. We don't always do what's right as rigidly. Our boundaries aren't always sharp, crisp edges. But through Jesus, He chooses to use that filter or lens to see our full potential, something more attractive, something He enjoys even more. Now obviously, we're much more important to God than my simple illustration, but the truth is, He loves us, knows all we could accomplish with Him, He sees the good intentions, He knows our heart's desire to please Him even if we fall short. I believe God looks at me, and you, and sees a Saint. I hope you feel that way today too. God bless.

Have you wondered away?

I have spent years in church hearing how people WANDER away from God. I've always thought a more accurate description would be to WONDER away from God. To wander implies you just blindly roam around and you aren't sure where you're headed. In most cases, our sins don't really happen that way. Many times, we get ourselves into trouble because we WONDERED away from God: I wonder what it would be like to try that (whatever IT is)? I wonder if anyone would find out if I just ______________ (fill in the blank)? I wonder if I'm missing out on fun trying to be "good"? I wonder what a new adventure would be like (even though I know it's not pleasing to God)? It's not that we tend to guess our way through life with no (moral) compass or direction. More often than not, we gave our thoughts over to wondering what it would be like to live someone else's life, wondering what if we could secretly date some movie star or singer, or wondering what it would be like to take something that wasn't ours. The problem with all this is that once we "wonder away" we find ourselves just like Adam and Eve in the garden when they they knew they had sinned and God was calling asking where they were. They did what we tend to do, they hid. We often find ourselves trying to hide from God when we know we did the wrong thing. It's in our nature. Just like a child hides from a parent so they don't get caught. Why do we try to hide from God? Do we really think he doesn't already know what happened? Do we think we can pretend it never happened? Do we expect him to believe some lie we would tell others to hide the truth? It doesn't make logical sense, but we do it anyway. The fact of the matter is that we don't have to hide, but we do need to take ownership of what we've done. We need to go to God, confess what we did even though he already knows. It's for OUR benefit to confess, not his. Then we need to really be sorry or repentant about it - not because we got caught, that isn't repentance. We need to think about what we did, admit that we knew it was wrong, admit that we chose our own selfish desires over God's ways, and realize that his way would've been the right and better thing to do. After that, God promises to forgive us. Jesus already paid the price for ALL sins, so there doesn't need to be any fear behind our confession. God wants nothing more than to restore us to a healthy, loving relationship with us. If we ever feel like something has come between us, it's usually because WE messed up, or we didn't get OUR way. God loves you unconditionally, all the time, and that NEVER changes. He promises he'll never abandon you. Want to fix your relationship with God? Take ownership of your sin, admit, repent, and be forgiven. Then you can enter into a new chapter of your walk with God, a transparent, loving relationship with the One who is Lord of all, and you, his child he loves dearly.

Standing in the Doorway

I've spent the last week contemplating this strange feeling I have inside. I can only describe it as "standing in the doorway." I'm not sure exactly where the door leads. It's like I'm in the doorjamb and one side of the door opens to a wonderful, new, exciting season of growth for our church and congregation. We've been through a lot lately, including seeking God's will for a new lead pastor. Those in charge are trying very hard to make the most God-honoring decisions possible moving forward. The other side of this door leads to the judgement on America for leaving its Godly heritage, mocking God, and as in the Tower of Babel, our country has decided to be its own god. Anything immoral, unnatural, self-serving, shocking, and even "the unthinkable" has become not just accepted but embraced. Reading the book The Harbinger by Jonathan Cahn was a real eye-opener, but this isn't about the book in particular. I think the hardest thing right now is knowing which side of the door I should be facing. Am I to step into the church growth side, shut the door behind me, and withdraw from the world? Should I step into the judgement side and do all I can as a one-person "nobody in particular" to pray, and shout out for the country to repent? Repent. The last few generations don't even know what that word means. It's not in their vocabulary and I know it wasn't in their educational upbringing. Is it too late to save our country? Or are the things going on warnings because God is merciful and is willing to give us yet another chance to return to Him? Or again, should I just focus on my church and help it to be the light on the hill in a dark world? Maybe it's too late to turn our country around but can I be used by God to help heal those hurt in the wake of these illogical, cruel decisions being made, especially by our government, that are threatening those of us who call God our Father? I don't know which way to turn, but I know I can't stand in this doorway forever. I realize the church side of the door may actually be much bigger than I can see from that vantage point. Maybe it's a call to grow "THE" church, not just my own? Maybe it's to help those in my circle of influence to grow into Spiritual warriors, then together we can begin a revival. Our country sure needs another Great Awakening. But is it really too late? We know have a voting culture that grew up without a definitive right/wrong, without absolutes when it comes to convictions and beliefs. It grew up believing anything and everything is acceptable. There's no accountability for anyone's actions anymore - just blame. Save the trees and whales but murdering children for convenient birth control is acceptable. The government that should be protecting us agrees to allow companies to poison our food supply and an out-of-control rate, while penalizing those trying to grow organic foods of their own. There is no sanctity of life, of marriage, of anything. I see so many people on Facebook posting about animal abuse, yet abortion is called "choice"? I don't know which way I'm supposed to step out of this door frame, but I know I can't stay here forever. I need to decide soon. I'm just waiting for guidance. I probably haven't explained it well in words, but it's a sick feeling that's got me up at night, dizzy with thoughts during the day, and it's starting to really affect my health and well-being. It's hard to describe a feeling, or intuition, or hunch, or whatever you want to call it. Whatever this is - it needs resolution and soon.

The Truth Project

Yesterday our Women's Bible Study group (our daytime study) began a new series from Focus on the Family called The Truth Project. What a great study! Lesson 1 was all about "truth". What it is, what it isn't, why it's important, and how it's foundational to faith. It's presented in a way that once you see what God's truth is, it's easy to see how the rest of the world is so opposite in their thinking. For me, it confirmed what I've always said about being a Christian affects how you should vote on issues. Everyone else is free to vote their own beliefs, but being a Christian doesn't leave any real wiggle room for how you see the issues. Our discussion afterwards wasn't quite a discussion. It was more like sharing our amazement and eye-opening moments that we'd just experienced watching the Lesson 1 video (which you too can find in a search online). Some of the highlights mentioned included how anything other than The Truth is a lie, a falsehood, and has no truth in it. The definition given for insanity was the loss of touch with reality, and believing the lie is real - that of course leads to problems, because people who are insane then act upon their perception of reality. What I liked was the illustration they used about a young child jumping off the diving board for the first time, into the waiting arms of a parent. He's full of fear and doubt (like us many times), but his faith in his parent, believing they will catch them as truth, helps him to overcome his fear and feelings. Then he is able to act in courage and strength to accomplish what he couldn't possibly have done without that faith, without believing the truth that his parent loves him and is there for him, to catch him. Such a great picture of us with our heavenly Father. The best question was the last one: "Do you really believe that what you believe is really real?" If we did, if we believed that all God's promises were true, every one of them, all the time, just IMAGINE what we would do! Just think how unstoppable we'd be to change the world! We'd never be stopped by fear and doubt again. Watch the video and see for yourself. I'm not sure if this will work for you, but I found it here: http://vimeo.com/34359650 It's about an hour long, but it will build a strong foundation and you won't walk away unchanged. Have a great rest of the week.

God comes through...AGAIN!

I can't understand how people think that faith is pointless, that there is no God, or that either way doesn't matter. My experience time and time again over the past 20+ years is so different! God has gotten us through so much. He's brought Tim & me together in a way that couldn't have just happened. He saved our ectopic pregnancy and Adam was born healthy. He found us amazing real estate deals over the years. He got us through marriage situations to bring us to the wonderful place where we are now - closer than ever. He protected us from harm so many times. He found me a job when I had no resume, no experience for 20 years, and no skills to put on paper...and it was at my favorite place of all, the tea house. He got us through our bankruptcy and foreclosure as well as teaching us all important life lessons I'm convinced would not have happened any other way. He brought us back here where we belong - closer, wiser, and more appreciative than ever. He found us the only place we could afford by orchestrating events that would never have happened on their own, and it turned out to be more than I could have ever hoped for. He was there through my ovarian cancer scare this fall when suddenly, all 3 cysts (one was solid and almost 7" long, sitting on my ovary the size of an almond, and causing all kinds of pain and other bad symptoms) - they just disappeared overnight the evening before my follow-up ultrasound. I literally felt the pain leave my body and had a total sense that everything was cleared. I was afraid to hope for such a miraculous event, but that's exactly what happened. Now, God comes through again! We know our rent is going up May 1st. It's a fair raise, bringing it up to fair market value, but coupled with a soon to be rising water and electric bill for summer, it would be way more than we could, or should, afford, especially if we're trying to save to buy a house next fall. I did ask that if it was God's will, we'd like to stay here as long as possible until the end of our yearly lease so we didn't have to move out of a nice house and neighborhood prematurely. Just as the increases start, we will be moving into a new place near here that we've waited for since December! We'll have tons of amenities including a pool for the summer, almost the same square footage, and it'll cost $100 less than our rental increase! On top of that, we'll have no water bill anymore, it's included in the rent. We also anticipate lower electric bills, since the upstairs and next door neighbors will be running their air conditioners as well, it won't be just ours trying to keep the building cool - and heat rises, so being on the first floor will help too. The windows should be more efficient as well, since I believe they are newer than the ones here. Once again, God comes through, and my experiences with a real, loving, living God continues. People can believe what they want, but they can't take away all my experiences of my relationship with God. As for me and my household, we will serve the Lord.

Lifting the veil

The bible talks about how before becoming a Christian, we all have a veil that prevents us from seeing God's truth. I get that concept well enough, but when I come face to face with non-Christians I love and care for, it's so apparent what the bible is talking about. Recently I had the special blessing of spending time with relatives I haven't seen in years. We had lots of fun together, laughed for hours, enjoyed each others' company, and talked about so much. It became so clear to me how blinded the world makes people nowadays. When I was growing up, there were many households that didn't attend church. After all, my friends' parents (and mine) were from the 60's teenage generation. Question everything - do what feels right to you - oppose your parents' values, and all that. But even so, the kids I grew up with still had a sense of there being a God out there somewhere. They still respected the difference between right and wrong. They still followed the basics of what the bible teaches. So how, in such a short amount of time, did we get to where we are today? The relatives I spent time with don't go to church, and that's okay, it's their choice. They also have absolutely zero interest in what is truly right and wrong, everything is subject to feelings, or "situational ethics". The right thing to do is what they feel like doing at the time. Also, I noticed, that unlike within my faith, there's very selfish undertones. I don't mean this in a derogatory way, I'm not saying they're selfish, really. It's just that in my church, for example, when one of us hurts, our brothers and sisters in Christ hurt with us and want to pray and help us. If one of us is rejoicing, we all rejoice together. If one of us has an experience where we see God at work, we share that, and learn more about Him together. There's none of that in this world. Not to the same deep, inner degree, anyway. Everything seems to be about self: what I want, how I feel, what I want to happen, I want to go first, they aren't my problem, etc. There's so little regard for anyone beyond the niceties and politically correctness of those around you. During our conversations, I noticed such a lack of comprehension about trying to live God's way. Comments were made about how you can't live without bad stuff, bad language, and fallen people (my term, not theirs) all around. I believe that's true, you can't live in this world without encountering it all. It's not going away til the end of time. You can't escape it without living in a bubble, and that's pretty self-serving to do that. What the veil keeps others from seeing is that you CAN live among the world but not become part of the problem. You can be the example of living a life of joy, selflessness, sacrifice, freedom, etc. You don't have to use the same bad language as those around you. You can choose what movie and tv shows you put in your head. You can choose who you surround yourself with for friends and support, you can choose to be honest, even when no one's looking, and you can choose to love people. They really didn't even see that as an option. The general opinion was that since everyone around you is doing all this bad stuff, you might as well jump in and do it to. Fitting in is more important than standing out and standing for something that's not easy. How I wish I could lift veil and they could see the joy, hope, direction, peace, and love that could be theirs. It's not my place to force it down anyone's throat. It's just that, because of my love for them, I want them to find the wonderful things they're missing. I want them to experience all the GOOD that they could have. I want the best for them. I know there's false beliefs out there about Christianity that turns people off, and some unfortunate truths and statistics too. I hope I was successful in our short talk on the subject in conveying some truth. We don't follow a book of strict rules. We aren't perfect. We should not be judging others, that's not our place. It's not about having to "do" or "be", but it's about a free gift of salvation through Jesus that gives us everlasting life. I tried to explain that our home church has a motto, "No perfect people allowed." I know in some churches, the members are the worst at being judgmental, holier than thou, and hypocritical. I try to help people see that that isn't Christianity, that's just people, human nature, but it's still wrong - especially for those who Jesus forgave so much! I tried to explain that we don't have a long list of do's and don'ts. It's basically, love God, and love people, and accept that Jesus paid the price for you. That's it. If you love God, you'll want to please Him and do what's right. If you love others, you'll be less likely to be selfish, critical, manipulative, deceptive, etc. I don't know if it made any difference at all, but my job isn't to convert the world. It's to be like Johnny Appleseed. I plant seeds of faith, and move on. If their timing is right, and the Holy Spirit steps in, the seeds will grow. Maybe I'll never see what grew from those seeds, and maybe nothing will come from some of them, but some will grow big and strong and have deep roots. They'll produce more "seedlings" themselves, and people will be saved.

Connecting.

The past two weeks have been filled with disappointments, hurts, anger, sadness, and other feelings that throw us off the right path. The truth is, many of these things are not directly involving me. They involve my sisters and brothers in Christ, my Spiritual "family." My heart just breaks when I know one of my friends has been hurt, or the enemy has just hit them with something terrible (unexpected or not). What we all need in times like this is CONNECTING. The bible says in Hebrews 10:25, "Don’t stop meeting together with other believers, which some people have gotten into the habit of doing. Instead, encourage each other, especially as you see the day drawing near." We were meant to be God's family, brothers and sisters who go through life together. We should try to be and stay connected to others during our hard times. Unfortunately, we all know we have times when we just need to deal with things alone and process the situation for a while, but after that, we should connect with our "family" of God again. So how does someone get connected if they aren't already? Step one would be to find a church home or a Christian friend. I say both of these because I realize many people have been hurt by the church, or have spent years thinking they have to "clean themselves up first" before coming to church. If that sounds like you, then work on finding one friend who is a true follower of Christ, who lives what he or she says. If you have friends that you already know you would like to learn from, or you would like the hope and joy you see them living out, then find a church home. Find a place that's non-judgmental, that welcomes people to bring their questions, and to just blend in until they're ready. Once you found a friend, or a church (which usually leads to a friend or two), then get connected by getting involved. It could be a baby step like having coffee with a new friend. Or if you're willing, you could attend a bible study or a home small group study with someone you know. If you're really brave and need to connect, you could always try out a new study or group even if you don't know anyone, but I understand that's not most people. Once you find a group of people to do life with, to learn from, to share experiences with, then you can start to connect in new ways. Maybe some of you will work on an outreach program together. Maybe your group could attend a larger event together. You could even have a night where your group meets with another group, either inside or outside the church (could be with another church group). At that point, you'd be pretty connected. If you're too shy, or don't live close enough to a church you can call home, would you be willing to talk with a neighbor about meeting together? Or having a friend introduce you to some of his/her friends seeking to help you connect? There's lots of ways to connect but the important part is that you DO connect. We were designed to live out our faith together, not alone. There are many brothers and sisters in Christ who would be happy to connect with you. Just take the first baby step and reach out. May you be blessed for your efforts.

It's not about the "doing".

Am I the only one that feels this way? Whenever I encounter a series of bad circumstances, the first thing I do is ask myself, "Did I do something really wrong and God's not happy with me?" I know in my head that's not how faith works, it's never about what I do, it's about God's mercy, and justice, and parenting me, and His plans for my life. But sometimes... I have sort of a mental checklist I go through when things seem to be happening, one after another. Maybe you do too? My list goes something like this: 1. Did I remember to tithe? Of course I did. 2. When was the last time I read from my bible? Did I forget for a few days? 3. What temptations or indulgences have I given into in the past few days or weeks? 4. Have I had a bad attitude or not forgiven someone for something? 5. Am I not praying "enough"? 6. Have I been too lazy and not diligent (or just busy) enough? 7. What have I said or done in front of my kids that needs improving? and the list goes on and on and on. I always end up reflecting later on how I think it's all about me and my actions. I know that as a Christ-follower, there are behaviors and perspectives from "the old self" that I am to put behind me. I know I am called to a new standard, not perfection, just to think before I act and speak. To consider others and not be self-righteous or prideful thinking I'm any better than anyone else. We're ALL sinners saved by the grace and mercy of God through His son, Jesus. So why do I always assume that bad things happen only based on my own behavior? I forget that sometimes things happen to grow or teach us. Sometimes things are allowed because it makes us stronger. Often when it involves others it can be simply because God allows them free will to do, say, or act however they choose - and we get hurt or offended. But most of the time, it's not about what someone else has done. It's my Battlefield of the Mind, which is a great book by Joyce Meyers. I have to remember that even if I did everything right, which is truly impossible for anyone, life still happens. Without valleys, we'd never see the mountain tops. Without struggles, we'd never learn to stand through life's storms. A new perspective I've been thinking about is this: Maybe I'm here to go through the struggles I do so that later, I can retell the stories, and how God came through for me (as He always does, just not in my timing, but in His own) - and this may help someone else who hears about it. It may be that my purpose as a teacher and storyteller is to be a living example of how God steps in and provides, or how He keeps things from being so much worse than they could be. I don't necessarily LIKE that idea any better, but it may be the case. Take finances for example. No matter what we've done in the past 20 years or so, there's never any extra for savings. We put aside a percentage, and the car will break. Or we'll live WAY below the average standard of living, and we'll have a medical or dental emergency that puts us barely surviving. We give, save, scrimp, and still, SOMETHING will happen to wipe that out. It's hard coming to terms that it just may be God's will to keep us just barely able to survive in order that He can step in and save us every time at the last minute - but you know what? He DOES help us every time. Whenever something unexpected comes up, He always provides a way, whether it be a better than average paycheck that week, a bonus arrives we weren't expecting to cover the dental emergency, or He provides an opportunity to earn money just in time to cover the flat tire. So you see how easy it is to think like I do? The important thing I need to remember is that it really isn't about the DOING. It's about trusting God to come through. Maybe I feel like He shouldn't have to. Like I should be in a better position to not have so many struggles. But the truth is, God IS there. He DOES provide. He does save the day, but only when He chooses the timing is right. He really has never let me down yet. In the end, things always somehow work out - and that's not about my "doing". It's about who HE IS. And it's about how much He loves and takes care of us. That's the real truth of it, and the truth will set you free, if you let it.