Progress Update

Last week I was beginning to understand that I should just let go. I don't have to struggle so hard to do everything I should in my own strength, and I'll just end up failing if I try that. Instead I gave everything over to Jesus. I asked Him to be in control, as master and Lord of my life, my heart, my mind, my body, my thoughts, my words, my work, my finances, my relationships, my home, everything. So far, the past week seems to hold less stress than I was experiencing before that decision. I'm sleeping a little better. I'm more calm during the day. I even find that I'm making better choices with hardly any trouble at all, since I'm not struggling with controlling my self-control, if that makes sense. It's easier to stop a train of thought that's not positive and productive. It's easier to say no to temptations. It's easier to be more understanding and forgiving with people. It's easier to not think about the things we don't have yet and focus on how many actual needs are met daily. It's just been a much easier time going through my day to day routine. I like who I am when Jesus is the Lord of my life, and I get to just be the servant and friend. The pressure is off, things turn out better, and the guilt and fears that were holding me back seem to also be minimized. My new theme song is Draw the Line by Disciple (do a YouTube search for it, with lyrics). It's going to be a great next leg of my Spiritual journey. May your journey be filled with peace and joy too.

Not in my own strength

This week's lesson seems to be that I don't have to try to do everything in my own strength. Logically, I know this. I know my sins are forgiven, but I still have the responsibility to work towards being more like Jesus every day. I know I'm not who I used to be, but I'm not who I will become either (yet). The over-achiever in me kicks in every so often and riddles me with guilt over all the places I fall short. I know that's a trick of the enemy to keep me focused on self, and to keep me from being more productive in God's kingdom. But sometimes, it's easy to forget that and focus on what I know I should be doing. I'm learning to let go of all the "shoulds" in my life. We're told to read our bible every day, to pray throughout the day, to only think about things that are pure, holy, righteous, etc., to put others first, not to judge others' actions or words, to not be idle, etc. This week, I've come across the same message in several places (which is usually God telling me something I'm missing is important, so pay attention). That message says that Jesus wants to work in us and through us. We simply CAN'T live out the best Christian life in our own strength - so why do we try so hard to do that? We know our faith isn't about works, yet society has taught us that it's all about the doing, the getting things done, achieving more, and there lies the struggle. So this week, I begin a journey down a new path. I'm letting go of the stress, the guilt, the mental war in my head, over what I haven't done or what I'm not doing every single day. This week, I let go. I let Jesus have total authority to clean up the inside of my head and my heart. To clean the slate of the past. To show me what it means to rest and abide in him, trusting that just by being close to Him, I'll grow, and change, and my heart will lean towards those things we're told to do - naturally, out of love for Him. From now on, I won't be asking for Jesus to help me do things I think I should be doing, even if they really are good things. Instead, I'll ask Jesus what He's doing, and ask if I can help Him. I become the servant as it should be. Maybe then I'll find that peace that surpasses all understanding and that deep, abiding joy. Free from guilt. Free from consuming thoughts of self. Free from stress of the "have to". Free to be what He wants me to be, and free to live His purposes. May you be blessed this week too.