Learning to Trust - again!

What a week of learning (or should I say re-learning) to trust in and rely on God and His provision!

1: We didn't get a payment we'd been planning & counting on that would be our grocery budget for the month. The day came and gone, the days kept passing w/o the payment, calls were made to no avail, and I began to panic. How would I feed the 5 of us when Tim's barely working 24 hours a week while in school for his CDL/career change?

2: We had to travel from the mountains to the Valley in the biggest snowstorm of the year. With only 2 ways to town, and one road closed to us, our 3 1/2 hour drive turned into a 7 hour nightmare! We were allowed to go 35 miles out of town before they stopped us and turned us back. That was $10 and 2 hours wasted. Then to buy chains - to be allowed to pass on the only other route - and now it's too late on a Sunday, the auto parts places were either closed or out of our popular size. We took another wasted hour to get to the far side of town to go to WalMart, only to find out that they returned the tire chains because...ready for this?...they're a "seasonal item" so by Mid-March they get sent back! The biggest storms hit our area in March/April every year! Anyway, we had to venture back to the other side of town only to find out the road was indeed still open, but the chain restriction had been taken off. More time & gas wasted.

3: The drive on route #2 had us driving behind some very inexperienced and scared drivers. Having grown up in New England, driving through an inch of snow over some ice is nothing new. But for those in front of us, most likely from Phoenix where it never snows, they drove literally, 12 miles per hour even when the roads were just damp with rain, not icy and with no standing snow on the road. Our 3 1/2 hour trip took us 7 hours.

4: We finally got to the hotel provided by my husband's new company at 10:30 Sunday night! My husband was going on just 2 hours sleep since he'd worked the last night of his 3rd shift overnight job the previous night. All we wanted to do was to go to bed, but guess what? They didn't have us in their computer, were totally (over)booked, sent us to another (dumpy) hotel nearby and we had to unexpectedly pay for it until the company reimburses it.

5: Lastly, (I hope), the next morning, my husband had to leave with the van to go to orientation at 7 a.m., had to check us out at 6:30 a.m. so he could submit the receipt for reimbursement, and the original hotel can't get me into a room until sometime between noon and 2 pm! So here I sit in the lobby, no privacy, but I guess at least I'm warm, have coffee available & can use a bathroom if I have to. I'm frustrated, but still thankful for what I DO have.

So why is this about learning to trust? Because every single step of this journey this week, I've briefly gone into a temporary state of panic. I've wanted to just break down and have a good cry to release the stress and frustration. But then I hear that still, small voice that tells me to Trust Him. He WILL provide. He knows my needs even before I ask. And maybe this experience is necessary to make me more sympathetic to others in the same predicament in the future?

Anyway, every single time I did all I could at my end, in my own strength. I didn't just wait for God to fix it. I was proactive as far as it was up to me. Then I stopped. Took a deep breath. Then I acknowledged God's sovereignty. I told Him I won't panic, I'll just relax and let go, trusting Him to unfold the next step - whatever that may be - even if the plan is different than I'd planned for. After that, I found myself more at peace. Less worried. And you know what happened? Each time, ONLY after that point of being at the end of my rope, and confession & acknowledgement - things changed.

My 45 minutes on hold paid off and finally the payment was disbursed so I could buy groceries with enough left over for the rest of the month too. The secondary route to the Valley lifted the tire chains restriction in time for us to get through. The long drive was at least a safe one, not one accident along the way, and no one plowed or slid into us, we didn't go off the road, it was a good time for Tim & I to realize that we enjoy being together even after 20 years of being married. The hotels in the area are almost all booked up because of baseball's spring training, yet we were able to find a room so late on a Sunday night, and it wasn't $100/night. And lastly, the hotel is ready to move me into our planned room as soon as they can, they're treating me very nicely, I got free breakfast, last night's room will be reimbursed, and the company will also be reimbursing us for the gas for the drive down.

God DID come through and provide in every single circumstance, and almost immediately once I stopped and just trusted in Him.

I'm learning to trust - again.

Dare to Believe!

Who would've imagined that just 90 days after my lowest point emotionally and spiritually, God could turn my whole life around?

Just 90 days later, God changed everything and made dreams come alive I didn't dare dream anymore.

1. First, Tim got inspired out of his own depression and frustration, to attend school to get his commercial drivers license (CDL). He was willing to try a brand new career in his late 30s. That's way beyond his usual comfort zone.

2. Because of our financial situation, he went looking for job help & answers and found out he qualified for a total grant to cover the cost of school - about $4000. We never could've saved up enough for him to do that while he worked at WalMart, even with our tax refund (which was 1/4 of what it was last year).

3. He was able to enroll almost immediately, and his work was understanding enough to allow him to work just 3 weekend nights each week and attend school over 200 miles away the rest of the time.

4. Friends stepped up to let Tim stay in Phoenix during his schooling so this could work.

5. The trucking school and the grant people convinced Tim that he'd need to work (and most likely live) in the Valley for at least a year to get experience, then he could basically choose the job he wanted (over-the-road, regional routes, dedicated routes, day driver where you're home at night). This was the opportunity I needed to break out of my depression! Being back in the Valley with the heat, sunshine, palm trees, excitement, friends, and home church...it's all I've wanted since we left almost 2 years ago.

6. With the kids still being homeschooled for another 4 years, moving them three times in 4 years would be too rough on them, so Tim agreed to move us to the Valley for the 4 years it'll take to get the kids through school. After that, they'll be 18 and can choose where to live for themselves. Tim wants to move back up here to Show Low after that, I know he hates the city, but at least we won't have to keep 3 teenagers busy anymore. Gas won't cost over $300/month because the only jobs are 35 miles away.

7. I get to re-engage with old church where we're members. I get to volunteer and be a part of helping them grow and reach out to the community once again. I'm so excited about that part, I can't hardly wait! I love Mountain Valley Church in Scottsdale!

8. I get to reconnect with so many friends I miss dearly.

9. Oh yeah, the money from driving will be the most we've seen in about 6 years!

God's given me more than I could've dared to ask for. More than I ever would've believed. He is good. He knows our hearts. He blesses those that follow, and obey Him. I trust God completely because He's proven Himself to me over and over. What a truly thankful, grateful heart He's developed in me over such a short period of time. Thank you, Lord.