Sometimes, I feel my responsibilities can be so overwhelming. I have two teenagers to homeschool, and I know I've only got another 2 and 4 years to finish training up in the way they should go before they're 18 and out in the real world, and that's such a dangerous place these days. Having watched my 18 year old turn from a lifetime of teachings to follow "truth" as he sees it, based on nothing but peer pressure and Facebook postings, I worry. He still tries to live a life of right vs wrong himself, but he's lost that line between the two. He believes that if enough people are doing something (more likely, if the MEDIA SAYS a majority of people are doing or feeling something), then it's now okay. Morality is based on popular vote, I guess. Church and faith aren't important when you plan on living a long life - you have decades to have fun, then when you're old and in the hospital, you can start worrying about faith. It's so overwhelming to try to teach your children to hang onto biblical truths. They'd much rather be accepted, not stand out.
Anyway, so I'm teaching my youngest about being content. I have her reading through a book with me that I read recently and really enjoyed. It helped me focus on all God does for us and to have a better attitude, yet through my daughter's eyes, it's only about contentment - and until this book - I never realized just what a stronghold discontent had on her. She's spent the past few weeks struggling with materialism on the border of mild hoarding issues. Not that she buys stuff, most of it's given to her, but that she can't let go of things - even when they hold no significance to her. I watched her struggle to clean her room, fighting to give away things that weren't given to her by anyone special, didn't belong to anyone she really knew, no attachment other than it was "her stuff". She's also battled with walking around in stores and malls. I had no idea the struggle inside her because, as she put it, "it's so depressing going there because I want everything I see." Who would've guessed that was going on in the life of a girl that grew up in a single-income family that's always struggled to have just enough to pay the bills? We've never had extra money to blow on just "stuff", but I guess through the generosity of others, she has had more than her share of collections - like Strawberry Shortcake, Littlest Pet Shop, Barbie things, etc. She's trying so hard to break free of the materialism. I've become very proud of her for choosing to turn her life around and follow Christ more closely than ever before. She's in the beginning stages of making her faith her own. Watching the struggle as her Mom can be overwhelming.
Then there's my middle child. Enough said? Such a wonderful, helpful, loving, hopeful spirit in him - yet he struggles with his faith to make it his own, too. He battles his ego, his "look at me" attitudes that seem to be more popular with middle children. (Think Peter and Jan Brady on the Brady Bunch.) He's made recent decisions to explore and grow his faith as well. We're doing a study together called The Me I Want to Be by John Ortberg. We're only on Chapter 4 in the book and through the first DVD session, but it's already turning out to be a great study for him. Hopefully, he'll find out it's okay to be who he is instead of constantly trying to become what he thinks he should be, or who he wished he could be, or even who others want him to be. The acceptance factor in this study is wonderful, and seems to be meeting him right where he's at. Although I see him growing more spiritually mature, the worry that it'll "stick" after watching his older brother's backsliding is also overwhelming.
My husband...what a wonderful man he is. He's living a very lonely, difficult life right now as an over-the-road flatbed driver because he was out of options to make enough of a living to afford a home for us. We're only renting for now, which is actually more expensive than ownership, but until we get back on our feet from a financial hit 2 years ago - it's the best we can do. He's away from family, friends, church, bible study, and fellowship most of the time now. He manages to make it home for church about every 3rd weekend. We're thankful for that, but it can't be easy. I know he'd rather sleep at home, in his own bed, enjoying the home he's working to provide. Thinking about how long it may be before he's able to take a similar job driving where he can be home at night, or even just more often...that's overwhelming, too.
Lastly, there's me. I have a huge responsibility ahead. I'll be leading the Women's evening bible study at our church in just a few weeks, yet I just found out it was going to be my total responsibility for it all. At first it was going to be a partnership with one or two other women. Now it's up to me. I enjoy the challenge and I'm thankful for the opportunity to serve the women of our church that can't make the day study. It's just that I take this as a big responsibility. I want to select just the right study, topic, format, night of the week, and frequency that God wants for the women he'll bring to this group. I want to help them where they're at. I can only guess it'll be a group of women who work (since they can't be at the day study), not too young (because they'd need to be home in the evening with their small children), and not too old (many don't drive at night). It's only a guess, but I'm thinking maybe, just maybe, it'll be a group of working women, with very busy lives, lots of demands, struggling to be workers, Mom's, managers of their homes, wives, and followers of Christ. They may fall between 30 and 50 years old. Coming in from so many different walks of life, at different points on their journey, I don't know what they'll need. That's VERY overwhelming. Picking just the right thing to spark a fire in their spirit. I know that's ultimately God's job to do that, not mine, but I feel the responsibility to make this work for them. If it bombs, they may not return to anything like this for a long time, if ever. I've been in prayer and deep thought over this all week, and will continue to do so, hoping for just the right study to be revealed to me by the weekend. I know God can give me wisdom and discernment in this, but still, I don't take it lightly. It's also overwhelming.
Father, I need your help. There's so many things I'm feeling pressure to teach, and do, and be. I feel for my husband in his struggles to. I know you've already seen and planned how all these things turn out. I pray now for wisdom and discernment to sort through all that's before me and choose what YOU want for the lives of everyone involved. Give me the right words and thoughts to complete your work in the lives of others. Stop me from leading anyone down paths other than what you would have planned for them. Reveal to me the true, most important purposes in each situation. I ask you to bring as many women to the study as you know can benefit from it. Help me to be a friend and sister alongside the women, a helpmate and best friend to my husband during his trying times, a mentor to my kids during their times of learning more about you and their faith, and help me deepen my own understanding and relationship with your son, Jesus, as all this comes about. Thank you for the opportunities and responsibilities you've given me to serve your people for your glory - never my own. May you be honored and glorified by all I do. I pray everyone involved will be drawn closer to you. Thank you in advance, In Jesus' Name. Amen.
Thursday, August 23, 2012
Saturday, August 18, 2012
Giving thanks for all the miracles of just past 7 years.
This seems to be a year of 3's and 7's for me. I picked up my faith journal where I've been writing down prayer needs & requests, as well as answered prayers, needs that were met, and absolute miracles. It's been just about 7 years since I started it. There's never going to be enough time or space here to list them all, but I want to give you an idea of just how much I've witnessed God moving in my life and in those I care about for the past 7 years. I'll try as best I can to keep people's anonymity:
2005 - J's daughter sober for 18 days in a row for the 1st time in years (was into drugs, excessive drinking, was in jail, often homeless, now she's clean, sober, working, has her own place, and is also back in school. Complete miracle on this one!), A. tried for a baby & had 2 miscarriages, hoping to get pregnant (now has 4 children!), T. thought for sure her 2 daughters would never speak to her again after divorcing their father & moving out of state. (since then, totally restored relationships), our kids were being bullied by the next door neighbor's kids - within 30 days, the couple split up & she moved out with her 4 kids, D's mission trip to Guatemala - over 3800 accepted Jesus in just about a 2 week time span!, prayed for C's friend who's 12 year old had cancer - tests returned negative suddenly & gaining his strength back!, My Aunt was fighting cancer, then 1st tests back said she was cancer-free, needed money & a buyer came out of nowhere to purchase our old, unwanted camper,
2006 - prayed for a friend's return to God after husband walked out, returned to church & got baptized!, needed a car & found a $25,000 van for just $13,000 still on the lot, new!, mother needs to move out of a falling apart mobile home (circumstances arranged themselves so she could move to FL and even get paid for the trailer she left behind), a friend's son was in a serious accident that left him with severe brain damage - healed faster than expected and now is just fine, a friend's Dad was dying and never wanted to hear about being "born again" - was saved just before he died through his daughter-in-law!, Relatives I've been trying to find for over 15 years suddenly and accidentally, I was put in touch with them again!, a friend's truck was stolen - found quickly and not a lot of damage to it, still driving it,
2007 - I got bit by a brown recluse spider and it went necrotic instantly - no insurance/no money - prayed and it got better in 3 days by itself, no longer black or even red skin!, a friend lost her husband unexpectedly just 3 days before giving birth to their 8th child! God provided for them with home construction help, money, healing for her and the kids, a healthy birth for #8, and so much more! my migraines & scleroderma miraculously healed,
2008 - spiritual curse broken over a friend through our small group praying over her, my sister's results showed "pre-cancerous cells" then after prayer, re-testing showed negative!, this year our business really grew and we were able to make up for income loss happening at my husband's job, friends separated, but after lots of prayer, they reconciled, he went to counseling, and now 4 years later, their marriage is strong, had a "cash" Christmas,
2009 - I was very disturbed when I was forced to go to work, lots of bad came from that, but in January, the place had to shut down and I was allowed to come home again, cousin told he had thyroid cancer - then it suddenly disappeared!,
2010 - a very sick person at church was thought to have MRSA & a very bad staff infection - healed, no MRSA, church needed to raise $5K for the Africa Hope Center, but raised $18K, my middle child got baptized!, cousin's baby born way too early, lots of life-threatening issues - now years later, she's perfectly normal, son found a job even though under difficult circumstances,
2011 - Pastor's daughter had a life-threatening health issue that almost took her life, but she made a full recovery!, with no jobs available to me or my husband and being 35 miles from the nearest city, God found ways to provide for our needs every month, saw a friend leave a destructive, hurtful, selfish marriage partner & now she's the happiest she's ever been, a friend's son was hit by a car & had 4 broken vertebrae, home & okay quicker than expected, no money for curriculum, and people GAVE me their old stuff as well as found amazing deals so I got $500 worth for under $100, husband found a job!, after almost calling it quits myself, our marriage was healed, restored, and strengthened - best now it's ever been, my sister's mother-in-law has been healed of cancer, had severe vision problems but eyes got better on their own,
2012 - husband got opportunity for free career-changing school, new job, we moved back to our friends & better weather, got a great home to rent from a friend for way less than market value to help us get on our feet again, 2 friends in car accidents, both are okay now, tax refund was enough for moving expenses/moving in expenses, blessed with an unexpected 5 day trip with husband, company-paid, during his training, husband just missed a tornado in TX by about 2 hours!, son got 75% tuition covered for drama class - can work it off, and it's not over yet!!!
2005 - J's daughter sober for 18 days in a row for the 1st time in years (was into drugs, excessive drinking, was in jail, often homeless, now she's clean, sober, working, has her own place, and is also back in school. Complete miracle on this one!), A. tried for a baby & had 2 miscarriages, hoping to get pregnant (now has 4 children!), T. thought for sure her 2 daughters would never speak to her again after divorcing their father & moving out of state. (since then, totally restored relationships), our kids were being bullied by the next door neighbor's kids - within 30 days, the couple split up & she moved out with her 4 kids, D's mission trip to Guatemala - over 3800 accepted Jesus in just about a 2 week time span!, prayed for C's friend who's 12 year old had cancer - tests returned negative suddenly & gaining his strength back!, My Aunt was fighting cancer, then 1st tests back said she was cancer-free, needed money & a buyer came out of nowhere to purchase our old, unwanted camper,
2006 - prayed for a friend's return to God after husband walked out, returned to church & got baptized!, needed a car & found a $25,000 van for just $13,000 still on the lot, new!, mother needs to move out of a falling apart mobile home (circumstances arranged themselves so she could move to FL and even get paid for the trailer she left behind), a friend's son was in a serious accident that left him with severe brain damage - healed faster than expected and now is just fine, a friend's Dad was dying and never wanted to hear about being "born again" - was saved just before he died through his daughter-in-law!, Relatives I've been trying to find for over 15 years suddenly and accidentally, I was put in touch with them again!, a friend's truck was stolen - found quickly and not a lot of damage to it, still driving it,
2007 - I got bit by a brown recluse spider and it went necrotic instantly - no insurance/no money - prayed and it got better in 3 days by itself, no longer black or even red skin!, a friend lost her husband unexpectedly just 3 days before giving birth to their 8th child! God provided for them with home construction help, money, healing for her and the kids, a healthy birth for #8, and so much more! my migraines & scleroderma miraculously healed,
2008 - spiritual curse broken over a friend through our small group praying over her, my sister's results showed "pre-cancerous cells" then after prayer, re-testing showed negative!, this year our business really grew and we were able to make up for income loss happening at my husband's job, friends separated, but after lots of prayer, they reconciled, he went to counseling, and now 4 years later, their marriage is strong, had a "cash" Christmas,
2009 - I was very disturbed when I was forced to go to work, lots of bad came from that, but in January, the place had to shut down and I was allowed to come home again, cousin told he had thyroid cancer - then it suddenly disappeared!,
2010 - a very sick person at church was thought to have MRSA & a very bad staff infection - healed, no MRSA, church needed to raise $5K for the Africa Hope Center, but raised $18K, my middle child got baptized!, cousin's baby born way too early, lots of life-threatening issues - now years later, she's perfectly normal, son found a job even though under difficult circumstances,
2011 - Pastor's daughter had a life-threatening health issue that almost took her life, but she made a full recovery!, with no jobs available to me or my husband and being 35 miles from the nearest city, God found ways to provide for our needs every month, saw a friend leave a destructive, hurtful, selfish marriage partner & now she's the happiest she's ever been, a friend's son was hit by a car & had 4 broken vertebrae, home & okay quicker than expected, no money for curriculum, and people GAVE me their old stuff as well as found amazing deals so I got $500 worth for under $100, husband found a job!, after almost calling it quits myself, our marriage was healed, restored, and strengthened - best now it's ever been, my sister's mother-in-law has been healed of cancer, had severe vision problems but eyes got better on their own,
2012 - husband got opportunity for free career-changing school, new job, we moved back to our friends & better weather, got a great home to rent from a friend for way less than market value to help us get on our feet again, 2 friends in car accidents, both are okay now, tax refund was enough for moving expenses/moving in expenses, blessed with an unexpected 5 day trip with husband, company-paid, during his training, husband just missed a tornado in TX by about 2 hours!, son got 75% tuition covered for drama class - can work it off, and it's not over yet!!!
Wednesday, August 01, 2012
Is This Goodbye to our Freedom of Speech?
In light of today being "support Chick-Fil-A" day, I thought I'd just pour out what's been on my mind. Are people really so blind to our constitutional rights being taken away?
Everyone's in a frenzy because the CEO of Chick-Fil-A said that personally, he believes in traditional family values, which would include marriage as being between a man and a woman. He also said those values are why they're closed on Sundays. Not to mandate their employees go to church, but so they have the freedom to do so without work interference. So that they can have time with their families one day a week. What was supposed to be a positive comment has been spun and twisted and the media's spent all week stirring up trouble saying that Chick-Fil-A and it's owners are using "hate speech" and that they're not showing their Christian values if they don't accept and embrace the gay lifestyle. WHAT????!!! Even my 18 year old, who I raised to think for himself, fell for the media lies and thought the owner had come forward and actually said he hates gays. When I tried to explain what was said, in what context, it sounded so foreign to what "everyone else" was saying, he assumed because the lies were louder and in print, they must be the truth.
Yes, the bible says to hate the sin and love the person - but that is very different from saying Christians are supposed to embrace the unnatural relationships of the gay lifestyle! In fact, it's God himself, who CREATED the concept of marriage in the first place, that called it unnatural for a to lay with a man or a woman to lay with a woman. Christians are not supposed to support and donate to causes that fight for that. On the flip side, I wouldn't expect a gay bar owner to say he despises that lifestlyle and give money to organizations that fight for traditional family values either. I wouldn't attack him for being a "hater" over it. I'm so tired of one side standing up for their beliefs and being called every bad name imaginable, yet when "the other side" - regardless of who they are - disagrees, they're supposed to be looked at as if they're superheroes saving the world from corruption. People have the right to free speech and to believe as they choose without the government telling them how they are allowed to talk and believe. They can't mandate a government religion - but isn't that what they're doing? The mayors of 3 major cities are using their government position to forbid free enterprise (by not allowing Chick-Fil-A to open a single location in their district) because they personally disagree with a person's (the CEO) personal belief based on their own religion. It doesn't get more unconstitutional than that! And by the way, Rosanne Barr, who no one's heard from in ten years or more, using profanity saying people who eat there "deserve to die of cancer" doesn't make me change my mind. It just makes me see what a low-class, drama queen she really is with no idea what's constitutional and what's just plain inflammatory propaganda. As for me and my household, we'll be supporting Chick-Fil-A today, thank you.
Everyone's in a frenzy because the CEO of Chick-Fil-A said that personally, he believes in traditional family values, which would include marriage as being between a man and a woman. He also said those values are why they're closed on Sundays. Not to mandate their employees go to church, but so they have the freedom to do so without work interference. So that they can have time with their families one day a week. What was supposed to be a positive comment has been spun and twisted and the media's spent all week stirring up trouble saying that Chick-Fil-A and it's owners are using "hate speech" and that they're not showing their Christian values if they don't accept and embrace the gay lifestyle. WHAT????!!! Even my 18 year old, who I raised to think for himself, fell for the media lies and thought the owner had come forward and actually said he hates gays. When I tried to explain what was said, in what context, it sounded so foreign to what "everyone else" was saying, he assumed because the lies were louder and in print, they must be the truth.
Yes, the bible says to hate the sin and love the person - but that is very different from saying Christians are supposed to embrace the unnatural relationships of the gay lifestyle! In fact, it's God himself, who CREATED the concept of marriage in the first place, that called it unnatural for a to lay with a man or a woman to lay with a woman. Christians are not supposed to support and donate to causes that fight for that. On the flip side, I wouldn't expect a gay bar owner to say he despises that lifestlyle and give money to organizations that fight for traditional family values either. I wouldn't attack him for being a "hater" over it. I'm so tired of one side standing up for their beliefs and being called every bad name imaginable, yet when "the other side" - regardless of who they are - disagrees, they're supposed to be looked at as if they're superheroes saving the world from corruption. People have the right to free speech and to believe as they choose without the government telling them how they are allowed to talk and believe. They can't mandate a government religion - but isn't that what they're doing? The mayors of 3 major cities are using their government position to forbid free enterprise (by not allowing Chick-Fil-A to open a single location in their district) because they personally disagree with a person's (the CEO) personal belief based on their own religion. It doesn't get more unconstitutional than that! And by the way, Rosanne Barr, who no one's heard from in ten years or more, using profanity saying people who eat there "deserve to die of cancer" doesn't make me change my mind. It just makes me see what a low-class, drama queen she really is with no idea what's constitutional and what's just plain inflammatory propaganda. As for me and my household, we'll be supporting Chick-Fil-A today, thank you.
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