It's been a rough 12 months. I've had to do a bad job at homeschooling my kids for most of this school year, had to find a job with no qualifications, after finding the job it shut down unexpectedly, our finances are the worst they've been in years, our business is growing but a lot slower than it should be with the numbers of people we've got - they just aren't doing anything lately, my cousin's awaiting biopsy results the doctor wanted to discuss ASAP, we just lost Tim's grandmother, and the last 4 out of 4 mini-vacations I planned didn't happen. On top of that, I've been taken from my only secure place, my home church, and replanted to a new huge one where I don't know anyone and they aren't as friendly in practice as the head staff would like to think. The bible study I joined to fit in was not very organized or connected - to each other, nor the church as a whole. I'm ready for a vacation!
So how do I find that JOY again? That JOY that only comes from the Lord? I can deal with being contented with what I have, thankful for the little we do have, and appreciate the blessings I've already received, but it's not the same as true JOY.
I've gone through an extensive restart, a long, detailed confession, an on-my-knees begging for positive changes, and everything leads down a path of sorrow, fear or just plain inactivity. I don't know what else to do.
I pray for a renewing in my spirit. I've been asking for Jesus to speak to me - and for me to hear it. I feel like I'm in a box where I can see God moving around me, but I'm not allowed to participate in any of it.
My greatest JOY came from sharing with others (every week) all that God is, and does, and promises, and wants to do for us. I don't think I'll find that JOY again until I find a new forum to do that again. Praising Him was the only thing that really brought me JOY unlike anything else this world has to offer.
