I Found My Answer (for now)...

In my last post, I was wondering what the bible said about women working outside the home. It led me down 2 totally opposing paths. One set of writings was coming from the point of view that says a woman's calling while she has children is to be and take care of the home. She should not feel guilty about finding ways to make money "from home". They use both the examples in Titus 2 and Proverbs 31. They quote that biblically, women were in charge or running the home while the men worked in the fields, or in town, or outside the home - and they were responsible for the education/teaching of the children, especially in growing their faith. The other set, oddly enough, quoted the very same 2 places in the bible, and said that the bible doesn't "specifically say a woman CAN'T work outside the home." And went into the what if questions: What if the kids are grown? What if she has no kids? What if the husband is ill and can't work? What about single Moms? etc. I have to say, the second set sounded a little off in my spirit because of the wording I kept running across. It reminded me of the garden of Eden where the serpent says, "Did God REALLY say that?" - using semantics and just enough truth to seem like a loophole. I also have to admit, group two dealt with issues from a more modern, worldly perspective, where we can't all just raise sheep and cattle from home. And living in a tent in a field isn't always an option to avoid working and paying the going rental rates. I ended up still unclear...then God brought something to my attention. I recently re-read a book called Chasing Daylight by Erwin McManus. In his book he wrote about how to figure out what we're called to do or not to do. Sometimes we're called but not right now. He suggested doing whatever you can to not get in God's way of blessing something. For example, if you think you're supposed to me a missionary in Africa, get your passport up to date, maybe take a few basic classes about it, put your name in with a missionary agency, then see if God blesses it. Staying home, keeping the idea to yourself, and never putting your name, desire, and application out there can't necessarily stop the power of God from making it happen - but doesn't it make sense that He probably won't arrange for a stranger to happen to knock on your door and ask if you "know anyone looking to go to Africa"? Makes sense, right? So I took that advice and here's what I did. I did research and found ways to make money from home. I've signed up to earn money doing surveys, reading emails from companies, and product testing. I also signed up and applied for temporary jobs in my area for product demos, merchandising displays, etc. - they're one day jobs that major companies hire out - so my name's in their file. I also have a little in some penny stocks I've studied, understand, believe in, and found highly recommended by experts. I also applied for a part-time job at a small, nearby, large chain mini-supermarket that pays more than most. Lastly, I continued introducing new people to my home-based business. Now I've put myself "out there" for God to decide what to bless and what to not bless. If he finds a way to put my limited-experience application to the top of the list for an interview, I will follow through knowing under normal circumstances, many applicants should be a lot more qualified than I am. If I never get called, and the home-based ideas pay off - then God will again get the glory and credit for that. I really don't have a strong opinion either way if I feel peace in my spirit that God is leading the way. I'll follow Him anywhere He leads, no matter what.

Discernment can be elusive.

Discernment: Discernment means to be able to distinguish between right and wrong, good and evil. It is having a logical, judicial ability to think through issues. It is the ability to “discern” whether a saying, teaching, doctrine, written word, or event is good or evil; true or false; and if the source, meaning or intentions are of God, the person or Satanic deception. There is an ability to “read between the lines” and get to the truth of an issue. The“gut” tells them when something doesn’t seem to be right. There is an urgency to pray and ask for wisdom. Usually, I do okay with this, but right now, not so much. So many issues are spiritually black and white for me, biblically sound advice to others has been a gifting I've received in the past, but lately... My big decision is about working outside the home. I want to help out because we need just a bit more than we can comfortably save and have Tim earn. We can't control what jobs he gets, how it lays out during the week to make or miss payroll deadlines, etc. I'd be happy to help out part-time so we don't have to put off things like when the kids need clothes, get haircuts, or when our grocery budget for the house is only $50/week - with 3 teenagers. Fortunately, I do amazing with coupons and that $50 gets us about $100 worth of food. Here's the thing...I was called (against my will and better judgement, in the beginning) to stop working and raise my children. Then my call became to homeschool all 3 at my husband's request. He decided with 100% certainty that he wanted me home to teach them. I spent the last 15 years doing just that, and I know without a doubt that is my first and most important calling above all else right now. I only have another 3 1/2 years to go and I'll be done forever. In the past, my husband decided to try to send me to work a few times. I excelled, got promoted quickly, got raises, made great money (mostly waitressing at tea houses). But somehow, I knew it was wrong for me, that my job willed by God was to be home with the children He entrusted to me. The results? The first job had to close their doors due to the bad economy. The second job, just when I was told I was going to earn more in a week going full-time than I was making in a month part-time, my husband moved us to the middle of nowhere and I had to quit. They had to close their doors shortly after, and yes, I think they would've stayed open if I had stayed because many of the end decisions would have been very different. Then more recently I was told I needed to look for a job again, and the car started leaking and having problems we couldn't afford to fix. Finally, most recently, my health became a reason not to work - even to the point where I thought I had ovarian cancer and the doctor expected those results too. God intervened and cured that problem - He's so amazing! - and now the conversation is reopened. I haven't "fixed" the original health issue and can't afford to anytime soon, it's over $1000 to have a 40% chance of fixing it, and that may be only temporary. It just seems that every time I consider working, something bad happens, or my husband's paycheck get cut in half, or worse. I'm afraid to look because the car might die, or something equally as bad. Then when I decide to stop looking and decide staying home is God's will - almost immediately, problems clear up, my health improves, the car stops showing signs of leaking and breaking, my husband's checks almost double in size, and we get caught up again. But am I reading too much into normal circumstances? Is it just ME that doesn't want to work, or is it really GOD showing me over and over that it's not HIS will for me, only my husband's feelings of financial insecurity in a depressed economy? I pray and seek answers from God - but discernment is something I need right now (especially with Christmas coming so soon). I welcome any comments, insights, and advice - as long as it comes from a biblical perspective. Any thoughts?

A Month of Silence

I've been in about a month of silence, but now it's over. About 8 weeks ago, my doctor requested an ultrasound and happened to discover that I had a complex ovarian cyst that was 9 cm long. When we compared the symptoms that I'd been accumulating over the past few months, all of them (5 or 6) are typically signs of ovarian cancer. The "complex" part of a cyst means that there's a mass within it that's not liquid, it's solid. Knowing I didn't have endometriosis, nor fibroids, I was very concerned. I had to face the realistic possibility that I'd be told I had cancer - and what would I do with that? The waiting was 7 weeks. That's when the 2nd ultrasound was to be scheduled to see if the cyst grew (which would indicate fast-growing cancer), stayed the same - then we'd have to repeat expensive ultrasounds over the course of the next year to monitor it, or if it had begun to slowly shrink and resolve itself. For those 7 weeks, I didn't tell anyone. I didn't want them to worry if it turned out to be nothing. I also didn't want to share the news until I really had thought it through, searched my heart, and discovered where I'd go from here, regardless of the outcome. If it resolved itself, great. I could move on with my life with just a minimal procedure to fix another issue and be done. My strength and energy levels would rise and my pain, cramping, and food issues would probably subside. If it stayed the same, I'd continue in silence with only my household, my mother, and in-laws having any indication what was going on. I'm learning to wait to see what God will do. Waiting isn't easy for any of us, so it's a good lesson. If it turned out to be the worst-case scenario and I had cancer, I actually think I was ready. I discussed with Tim what I was prepared to do and not do, what type of treatments I do and don't believe in, and what good could come from it. Deep down, I felt that even if I was found with cancer, God would eventually heal it. He'd put me in some very unique circumstances and circles to just crash and burn it all so quickly. I also decided that I would bring my children, family, and friends along the journey with me so they could see what faith, trust, hope, and miracles look like. I decided that I would use this situation to reach others and bring God all the glory. I decided what in my schedule would stay and what would be let go. I decided to re-prioritize my life to be sure I was doing the important, not just the urgent. I decided to do what I felt was most important to me and to God. Not just do what everyone else expected me to do and accomplish. It was a great time of quiet, self-reflection. I'm glad Tim's on the road for 3 weeks at a time during this process too. It makes it easier to find the alone time needed to think and plan without daily influence that may not be exactly what I'm wanting to do. Friday was my 2nd ultrasound, 7 weeks from the first one. The best I could hope for was that it had begun to shrink, at least a percentage of it, large enough to know that it would eventually resolve itself. Imagine my shock when my doctor's assistant called and said, "the cyst has resolved itself". Not it's resolvING, not it was shrinking, it has already resolved itself - past tense! She said it's gone, and I won't require any further treatment regarding it or my ovaries in the foreseeable future! Was it a miracle? Maybe. Was it a test? Possibly. Was it a gift to force me to take time to think through my life? Absolutely! I'm very thankful today to know I don't have cancer growing inside me (a real possibility with it being so prevalent on all sides of my family), but I'm also very thankful for the opportunity to learn just how much I trust God and can let Him take care of my life without worry. I fully expected the worst case, yet there was no fear. I know where I'm going and felt blessed to have the opportunity if I would be taking part in a miracle that I really believed He'd do in my body. As a side note, the only thing I did differently during those 7 weeks was drink more Monavie - that superfood, antioxidant-rich health beverage I was blessed with a few years ago. It's got an ingredient called Wellmune (www.wellmune.com)that's been found very effective in the healing & prevention of certain "things". Symptoms kept me from eating properly, sleeping well, exercising, etc. So whether I was healed by God supernaturally, or by His bringing Monavie into my world, it doesn't matter. Either way, I'm healed, I'm healthier, I'm blessed, and I'm at peace. A month of silence is over. I give God all the glory for watching over me, protecting me, and helping me spend the second half of my life living for HIS purposes. Living on-purpose.