Esther? Joseph? You decide...

Last week an odd thing happened. The place I work shut down and I'm back home with the kids, at least for now, but without the money we need. I'm trying to figure out the purpose in all this - why did I get hired there? why did it shut down? what was I supposed to learn? was my husband supposed to learn something? here's the best I can figure:

I needed to re-learn the value of money and paying cash for everything. Both of us had become used to buying things on credit instead of delaying our wants. Yes, 90% of the charges were necessary, like having to buy gas to get to work, or getting our vehicle registrations done, etc., but the other 10% was stuff that wasn't really necessary. Now I know better.

I needed to appreciate my time with my kids, my freedom to pick my schedule, the freedom to do what needs to be done without having to destroy my body at a job. I needed to know how stressed life could make me so I can appreciate every single day at home now.

I know God wants us to build our own business, and He's truly blessed us beyond our efforts so far, so I believe the job was to protect me from someplace worse - since I obeyed and submitted to getting a job - and then it was shut down to close that door since it wasn't God's plan for how we were to get out of debt in the first place. I believe God has told us what to do, and if we try our own way, or my husband's way, the answer is "No, I won't bless that". Succeeding would mean we'd be helping too many others to selfishly refuse to do it.

I also think it was an eye-opener to health issues I have but I've been ignoring. Having the job really brought some of them out and now I know I need to be thinking preventatively before it's too late.

Half my friends think I've spent the last 6 months living like Esther, obeying and submitting to another's will (my husband's), and God blessed it, and I was there for a reason or to touch another's life (like the friend there who's also in our business now), or to be an example to the bible study ladies how to obey in difficult circumstances. I believed what I was being forced to do was outside of God's will, but I obeyed and prayed, and now I've been saved and delivered (so far).

The other half think I've lived like Joseph. I was sold into slavery (the job) and kept from my family, but stayed faithful to God, changed my heart, humbly asked God to be in charge of my life, and in the end, I was returned to my family, better for the experience.

Whatever the reasons, it doesn't matter. All that matters now is that I'm better for it, but never want to go through it again. I'd rather learn all I should've from it and put it all behind me. I just hope my husband can do the same.

I Need a Change of Perspective

I've been struggling for the past few months, but the last week in particular. I've always been a goal-setter, a list-maker, striving to become better, willing to change. I have a hard time understanding people who are happy to just let life happen to them. I don't think they mean to be that way, necessarily. But do they realize that if they don't plan their path, then they end up wherever life takes them? Problems don't solve themselves. Relationships don't grow on their own. Finances don't fix themselves.

I've got someone I care about who just seems to be going through the motions of life without any real willingness to do anything different. This person has a family counting on them to direct the path, to lead them spiritually, to bring hope and encouragement into their family's lives, yet the outward appearances say, "nah, it's too hard, I'm only going to do what I feel like doing and nothing more".

I don't know how to help this person, but it's ruining our relationship. They've become so closed off, so de-motivated, they have nothing positive to put into our friendship/relationship, and seems only interested in doing things together when it helps them get what they want. It's really been hard for me, I don't know who to talk to about it, so as usual, I come to my heavenly Father asking for the only thing I can ask for: a change of perspective.

Dear Father,
You know my internal and emotional struggles in this relationship. You know I want to deepen it, yet I'm fighting this losing battle alone. It's brough resentment and hurt and I need you to fix it. It's not something I believe I can fix myself. I need you to change my perspective. Help me see this person's strengths, appreciate the little things, and see them through your eyes. Help me to see my own part in the problems between us and work on whatever I can do to improve the situation. I believe you brought this person to me for a reason, remove my thoughts of giving up and walking away from this. Rekindle the fun we've had, remind me of all the reasons this is a good relationship, and help me to find peace instead of loneliness and frustration. I turn it all over to you in the name of Jesus,
Amen

***note: the next morning, I woke up and all of these feelings were gone, the resentment, the frustration, the anger, all of it. God works so fast! I felt an amazing peace regarding this situation - like the bible says - a peace that surpasses all understanding.