Easter Weekend

This last year has been a very trying time in every way, but God has been there every step of the way. He brings me peace, joy, courage, strength, and clarity - just when I need them most. This weekend was a very different Easter weekend for me too.

It started on Friday. I had originally planned on a nice fish dinner for Good Friday, maybe coloring eggs with Jordan on Saturday, and then Easter Sunday. Somewhere around Friday afternoon, I felt this heavy sadness come over me. It was so strange. Was I feeling lonely? Depressed? Tired of the cold and windy weather? Missing being at Mountain Valley Church for Easter service? Maybe I was bored? I just couldn't put my finger on it.

By Saturday, I felt so out of sorts, even my stomach felt wrong. I wasn't coming down with anything, it wasn't like that. It was a very consuming sadness. My mind was racing, I couldn't sleep, I had trouble finding anything to lift my spirits. Then it hit me...for a while now I pray the words I heard in one of my favorite songs. I've been praying, "Break my heart for what breaks yours." Then the whole story of Jesus' death and resurrection came to mind. Maybe what I was feeling was the sadness (or a teeny tiny reflection of it) that must've come over God at turning His son over to be beaten, tortured, left for dead, and having to turn His back on Jesus as he took on every sin of every person in the world for all eternity. It must've been the hardest thing God ever had to do, but it makes sense that God can't co-exist with sin. He's pure and holy and He's never-changing. That sadness that overtook Him during Jesus' death and punishment he took for all of our sins might have been what had me so messed up this weekend.

I figured the one way to know for sure was to see how I felt when I woke up on Resurrection Sunday. From the moment I opened my eyes, I felt better, more alive, I felt joy again, I had a wonderful sense of peace, my mind was at ease, and I felt more hopeful for the future than I have in a long time. Any negative feelings from the past two days were gone.

Father, I thank you for the opportunity to share in that glimpse of your heart. I'm so thankful for such a loving God that you spared your most prized possession for us, not when we got it all together for you, but you did it when we were still sinners! Thank you Jesus for being willing to provide a way to pay our debt, our wages of sin - death, so that we could have everlasting life. What an expression of unconditional love! You did what no one else could nor would do, at no benefit to yourself - only to us. I want to spend the rest of my life following your example of putting others first, truly loving others, doing the will of the Father, and trusting Him to make it all work out perfectly according to His plan.

Amen

Waiting Patiently

Why is it that waiting patiently is so hard? We hate waiting in lines, in traffic, for special days and events to get here, to hear from someone answering our messages, we hate waiting.

I'm in a new but familiar place right now...waiting patiently for God's answers, for Him to act, for Him to tell me what I should and shouldn't be doing. I've been here before. If I think I know God's answer, I usually jump the gun and act on it immediately, often without asking him WHEN to act. If I don't see Him act in what I think is a reasonable time frame (as if I could ever know better than God?), then I start assuming I'm messing up something and have to fix myself before God will answer or help me. Don't we all do that from time to time? I have to remember than His time frame is NOT my time frame. He knows details and future events that I don't, and I have to remember that God's time table is truly the BEST plan. Obedience to God has to include trusting His time and plan over my own impatience.

I also have learned in the past that I have to let go of trying to control, or even just persuade, others when I know they're not on the right track. It's not my job to fix anyone, I don't have the authority to judge anyone else's decisions. I'm only in charge of myself, my actions, my words, my thoughts, and my attitudes in any given circumstance. If I keep this in mind, then waiting for the right set of instructions get immeasureably easier.

For now, I'll just continue on my path of seeking answers from His Word, listening in quiet and prayer time, asking for wisdom to hear God when He's ready to speak to me on this, and be still...and know that He is God...(and I am not).

Hope this helps someone else struggling with waiting on God.