I'm also thankful that God prepares me ahead of time by using the bible study I'm in, the church's Sunday morning messages, and what books I happen to be reading. When I see something converge in all three, I sit up and take notice.
In this particular case, we're buying a house. It's a good thing, for sure, and I believe God helped us find it on that day, for that price, in that neighborhood, because none of those "should have" happened like they did. Also it fits the exact description I wrote down years ago of the best house for us, right down to the craft room (without losing a bedroom), the fireplace (in Arizona), and an orange tree in the back yard.
I'm happy about the house but the process of buying it has been really tough. Tim's away the whole time. Here's some of the stumbling blocks we've encountered yet God found a way to help me move forward:
Tim left on the day we went under contract, and I've needed his signature, which I cannot copy to save my life.
The seller's weren't budging on giving in on closing costs and we couldn't do it otherwise.
The paperwork! I've had literally hundreds of pieces of paper, emails, documents to print, sign, and copy, scan, and fax back. Most of the forms I've never seen before, and many are such a pointless waste of time (sign to say you saw this, then the next paper says sign to say you saw and signed the previous page, or some such nonsense).
I had to take a required, online class that took 8 hours of my time and taught me absolutely nothing new - and I had to pay $150 for it!
Reliving the nightmare. One of the tasks required by the underwriter was to write a letter, in detail, reliving everything about our bankruptcy. How it happened, why it happened, how we handled it, etc. I had spend years putting the nightmare of losing my home, leaving our jobs, and having to take government food assistance to feed my kids for a year. I'm thankful that Tim's parents were willing to take us in when we had nowhere to go (although I would've kept the house and just done the bankruptcy if it were up to me), but it caused some things to happen inside all of us that changed us. We definitely aren't who we used to be.
After telling us we're approved, paperwork is done, we're ready to close next week, nothing else is needed, it was noticed that Tim's start date at his job 3 years ago had mistakenly been entered as May instead of March. That tiny difference meant they divided our yearly income from then by 2 more months, and with a week to go, the underwriter kicked the whole thing apart. They said we didn't qualify anymore, we lost the ability for the program that paid our down payment, and we couldn't close. No delay date to expect. Just "don't qualify".
Two days before this news, my middle son who just turned 19 informs me he's going to meet with a Marine recruiter to ask questions. Totally out of the blue. As he's planning to follow his girlfriend out of state if he has to depending where she goes to college. Right after he waffled for weeks about if he was moving in with us or not (requiring us to buy a 4 bedroom instead of a cheaper 3 bedroom). What a tough thing for a mother to deal with in the middle of all this.
The sellers may not agree to an extension without a definite closing date, and I'm afraid we'd have to start all over again, knowing they'd ask for a much higher price or not agree to closing costs next time, knowing how badly we now want this house.
Just a reminder, Tim left on January 27th and hasn't been back since, so all this I'm handling alone.
All that is stressful, causing me to lose lots of sleep, but there's a good side to this too...
God has been preparing me. I'm in a series at church that's breaking down Philippians 4:8: Finally brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.
I have been in church for 25 years or more at this point. I don't remember ever having the message stick all week in my mind like this series has. Our pastor is breaking it down, part by part, to really go into what each of these 8 things mean. It's helped me get through so much of this because it's teaching me to think about what's true, not just happening temporarily. I'm learning to be even less reactionary about things that pop up. I do well with this but that doesn't mean I have spikes in stress when I first hear about them. At least I'm learning that they can be a short 1 - 5 minute burst, then I'm calm again, instead of letting it ruin so much more. I can focus on doing all I can to be fair, true, and just. I'm also learning to live according to all I'm called upon to do knowing I'm living out my purpose. I know many women may handle this better than me, but there's a lot that would handle it worse too - or not at all. I've been brought through experiences that have taught me how to rise to the occasion as it becomes necessary. For that I am thankful.
In my bible study, we're studying the book of James. It would be so easy to sink into the self-pity of all this. I'm sure if I tried, I could (wrongly) blame Tim for not being here, even though he's gone trying to make us the money we need to do this. I could blame the Mortgage Company's assistant for thinking changing the start date would help when instead it killed our whole deal (for now), but I would know there was untrue information and I couldn't live with a lie. If we have to lie to get approved, we shouldn't be buying it. In the end, we're going to use 2014 and 2013 instead of '13 and '12, and we'll eventually get re-approved because our income will have doubled since 3 years ago and we still have no debt. I could blame the underwriter who knows what this year's paystubs looked like and amounted to, knows we qualify, yet is doing this to us a week before closing, but what good does that do? In the end, maybe we'll qualify for a slightly lower interest rate when they see we made double what they say barely fell below the qualification line? Maybe since the interest rate just went up as we were going into this process in January, it will drop a bit and our payment will be lower every month from now on? I'm being told they've never seen it rise twice in a row. So the James study is teaching me not to blame others, not to become cynical, not to judge other people for what they're doing - just act in a way that I'm called to act because of my faith, loving others and trusting God.
I've also been reading about everything from miracles to answered prayers. I know from my own experiences that God can choose to show up at any moment and smooth the way for us. Do I think He caused the bad stuff? Of course not! People with bad intentions have lied, deceived, and stolen from each other in closings over the years so more and more paperwork had to be build into the process to attempt to stop it from happening whenever possible.
So today, I let go of all the bad things that have happened up to this point, I'll work on the things that need to happen, our closing will be delayed but hopefully not for too long. Tim will be home just for a day and a half to help make it happen (then he's back out until the actual closing since he can't just stay home for a week waiting for the agencies to decide). I will trust God like I always do. I will not let it frustrate me every day between now and the new closing date. I will take today off as a "mental health day" and just get outside, go for a walk, pray a lot, and be at peace while I wait for everything to fall back into place, and for Tim to get home in a few days.
When you don't know where else to turn, turn to God. And remember Jeremiah 29:11 - For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
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