Last week an odd thing happened. The place I work shut down and I'm back home with the kids, at least for now, but without the money we need. I'm trying to figure out the purpose in all this - why did I get hired there? why did it shut down? what was I supposed to learn? was my husband supposed to learn something? here's the best I can figure:
I needed to re-learn the value of money and paying cash for everything. Both of us had become used to buying things on credit instead of delaying our wants. Yes, 90% of the charges were necessary, like having to buy gas to get to work, or getting our vehicle registrations done, etc., but the other 10% was stuff that wasn't really necessary. Now I know better.
I needed to appreciate my time with my kids, my freedom to pick my schedule, the freedom to do what needs to be done without having to destroy my body at a job. I needed to know how stressed life could make me so I can appreciate every single day at home now.
I know God wants us to build our own business, and He's truly blessed us beyond our efforts so far, so I believe the job was to protect me from someplace worse - since I obeyed and submitted to getting a job - and then it was shut down to close that door since it wasn't God's plan for how we were to get out of debt in the first place. I believe God has told us what to do, and if we try our own way, or my husband's way, the answer is "No, I won't bless that". Succeeding would mean we'd be helping too many others to selfishly refuse to do it.
I also think it was an eye-opener to health issues I have but I've been ignoring. Having the job really brought some of them out and now I know I need to be thinking preventatively before it's too late.
Half my friends think I've spent the last 6 months living like Esther, obeying and submitting to another's will (my husband's), and God blessed it, and I was there for a reason or to touch another's life (like the friend there who's also in our business now), or to be an example to the bible study ladies how to obey in difficult circumstances. I believed what I was being forced to do was outside of God's will, but I obeyed and prayed, and now I've been saved and delivered (so far).
The other half think I've lived like Joseph. I was sold into slavery (the job) and kept from my family, but stayed faithful to God, changed my heart, humbly asked God to be in charge of my life, and in the end, I was returned to my family, better for the experience.
Whatever the reasons, it doesn't matter. All that matters now is that I'm better for it, but never want to go through it again. I'd rather learn all I should've from it and put it all behind me. I just hope my husband can do the same.
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Friday, January 02, 2009
I Need a Change of Perspective
I've been struggling for the past few months, but the last week in particular. I've always been a goal-setter, a list-maker, striving to become better, willing to change. I have a hard time understanding people who are happy to just let life happen to them. I don't think they mean to be that way, necessarily. But do they realize that if they don't plan their path, then they end up wherever life takes them? Problems don't solve themselves. Relationships don't grow on their own. Finances don't fix themselves.
I've got someone I care about who just seems to be going through the motions of life without any real willingness to do anything different. This person has a family counting on them to direct the path, to lead them spiritually, to bring hope and encouragement into their family's lives, yet the outward appearances say, "nah, it's too hard, I'm only going to do what I feel like doing and nothing more".
I don't know how to help this person, but it's ruining our relationship. They've become so closed off, so de-motivated, they have nothing positive to put into our friendship/relationship, and seems only interested in doing things together when it helps them get what they want. It's really been hard for me, I don't know who to talk to about it, so as usual, I come to my heavenly Father asking for the only thing I can ask for: a change of perspective.
Dear Father,
You know my internal and emotional struggles in this relationship. You know I want to deepen it, yet I'm fighting this losing battle alone. It's brough resentment and hurt and I need you to fix it. It's not something I believe I can fix myself. I need you to change my perspective. Help me see this person's strengths, appreciate the little things, and see them through your eyes. Help me to see my own part in the problems between us and work on whatever I can do to improve the situation. I believe you brought this person to me for a reason, remove my thoughts of giving up and walking away from this. Rekindle the fun we've had, remind me of all the reasons this is a good relationship, and help me to find peace instead of loneliness and frustration. I turn it all over to you in the name of Jesus,
Amen
***note: the next morning, I woke up and all of these feelings were gone, the resentment, the frustration, the anger, all of it. God works so fast! I felt an amazing peace regarding this situation - like the bible says - a peace that surpasses all understanding.
I've got someone I care about who just seems to be going through the motions of life without any real willingness to do anything different. This person has a family counting on them to direct the path, to lead them spiritually, to bring hope and encouragement into their family's lives, yet the outward appearances say, "nah, it's too hard, I'm only going to do what I feel like doing and nothing more".
I don't know how to help this person, but it's ruining our relationship. They've become so closed off, so de-motivated, they have nothing positive to put into our friendship/relationship, and seems only interested in doing things together when it helps them get what they want. It's really been hard for me, I don't know who to talk to about it, so as usual, I come to my heavenly Father asking for the only thing I can ask for: a change of perspective.
Dear Father,
You know my internal and emotional struggles in this relationship. You know I want to deepen it, yet I'm fighting this losing battle alone. It's brough resentment and hurt and I need you to fix it. It's not something I believe I can fix myself. I need you to change my perspective. Help me see this person's strengths, appreciate the little things, and see them through your eyes. Help me to see my own part in the problems between us and work on whatever I can do to improve the situation. I believe you brought this person to me for a reason, remove my thoughts of giving up and walking away from this. Rekindle the fun we've had, remind me of all the reasons this is a good relationship, and help me to find peace instead of loneliness and frustration. I turn it all over to you in the name of Jesus,
Amen
***note: the next morning, I woke up and all of these feelings were gone, the resentment, the frustration, the anger, all of it. God works so fast! I felt an amazing peace regarding this situation - like the bible says - a peace that surpasses all understanding.
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
I'm Going to Miss Them So Much!
Today was our Ladies' Bible Study's annual Christmas party. Every year we get together before Christmas at our usual time, everyone brings something for a brunch, we all bring a wrapped ornament for an exchange, usually one of our ladies sings, or Tina plays her harp for us, and we either play a game, or share something interesting, etc.
This year is especially sad for me since I have to leave this group in about 8 weeks. Tim moved our family to another church (and it really is a good church and the kids like it). But after 4 months or so, I still haven't connected with a single woman there. I tried checking out small groups - nothing fits Tim's schedule, I tried the scrapbooking group - they took a few months off so I couldn't go. I thought about the Ladies' Wed. night bible study but that'd mean Adam would have to quit the High School teen boys' bible study - and I don't want that. I tried meeting people in the bookstore, cafeteria, bathroom, courtyard...I'm just not able to connect. Their Tues. Ladies' bible study is my last chance to make friends. I didn't choose this change, it was chosen for me, but I'm trying to make the best of it.
The Mountain Valley ladies are truly amazing women. We've discovered a community-building method we can't explain, but it's special and unique. We're closer than family, we've all been through so much together, we're connected in a way I've never been connected to any other girl or woman in my life, and our group is constantly growing and thriving. I'm going to miss the ladies.
I can't begin to name names because so many will be forgotten if I try to list them, so I won't, but I have found I'll miss each woman for a different reason. They've all brought so much into my life - more than they know. It's so humbling to have them give me cards that say how I've changed their lives - if only they knew THEIR role they've played. I'm who I am today because my heart is made up of pieces they've all given me. I love them and I'll miss them so much.
This year is especially sad for me since I have to leave this group in about 8 weeks. Tim moved our family to another church (and it really is a good church and the kids like it). But after 4 months or so, I still haven't connected with a single woman there. I tried checking out small groups - nothing fits Tim's schedule, I tried the scrapbooking group - they took a few months off so I couldn't go. I thought about the Ladies' Wed. night bible study but that'd mean Adam would have to quit the High School teen boys' bible study - and I don't want that. I tried meeting people in the bookstore, cafeteria, bathroom, courtyard...I'm just not able to connect. Their Tues. Ladies' bible study is my last chance to make friends. I didn't choose this change, it was chosen for me, but I'm trying to make the best of it.
The Mountain Valley ladies are truly amazing women. We've discovered a community-building method we can't explain, but it's special and unique. We're closer than family, we've all been through so much together, we're connected in a way I've never been connected to any other girl or woman in my life, and our group is constantly growing and thriving. I'm going to miss the ladies.
I can't begin to name names because so many will be forgotten if I try to list them, so I won't, but I have found I'll miss each woman for a different reason. They've all brought so much into my life - more than they know. It's so humbling to have them give me cards that say how I've changed their lives - if only they knew THEIR role they've played. I'm who I am today because my heart is made up of pieces they've all given me. I love them and I'll miss them so much.
Monday, December 01, 2008
We Begin the Advent Season
I've seen advent wreaths in church but never really understood them. This year I decided to find out more.
The 4 candles represent the 4 weeks until Christmas, beginning the Sunday after Thanksgiving. I also read it may represent the 400 years of waiting between the last time God speaks to his people in the book of Malachi and the birth of Jesus, beginning the New Testament. There's usually 3 purple candles and 1 pink, with a white candle in the center, although I find that isn't always the case, but it's the most popular display. Each Sunday of Advent one candle is lit.
The first candle celebrates HOPE. Hope of a savior, bringing light into a dark world, and our being that light of hope for others, especially this time of year when many are alone and burdened.
The second candle represents PEACE. It's lit as we remember that we were promised a savior 400 years earlier, and we have peace through him. It's a peace we find no where else, especially in the midst of life's storms.
The third candle is the pink JOY candle. It's a reminder of the joy the birth of Jesus brought, the joy of his message that we can be saved from an eternity of despair, that God made a way for us to be forgiven so we can live forever with him in Heaven instead of separated from Him because of our sins.
The fourth candle, called the LOVE candle, is lit as a reminder of the love God showed by creating a sacrifice in our place, and for the love Jesus had in accepting to be that sacrifice so we can have eternal life.
On Christmas Eve, or Christmas Day, all 4 candles are lit along with the center's white candle representing Jesus. It's to celebrate the birth of our Lord and Savior.
Note: During the 4 weeks, there are readings you can read together as a family every day, either gathered together in the morning, or in the evening, say at dinnertime. Those can be found online.
It's a great reminder to stay focused on the real meaning and message behind Christmas. It's great to give gifts to appreciate and love those we care about, but it shouldn't be about who got what and how much someone spent on us. We could never give a greater gift than Jesus gave, nor can we out-spend what God gave in sacrificing His only son, to watch him suffer and die while innocent. But now we can have eternal life through simply accepting this gift of Jesus, who died in our place, so that our sins are atoned, or paid for, and we can be re-made fit to live in the presence of God forever.
Merry Christmas Everyone.
Saturday, November 22, 2008
Life is hard, sometimes...
Life is so hard sometimes. You do all you can do, make the best decisions you can, work as hard as you physically can, and follow the golden rule to the best of your ability - but what about when that's not enough?
I know we live in a fallen world, we're imperfect people, sinners at heart, and I don't expect life to be a piece of cake, but...there ARE a few things I expect:
Do what you say you'll do
Follow through with plans if failing to do so wreaks havoc on others' lives
Tell the truth
If it's your responsibility, then DO IT, don't wait for someone else to do it
Don't be so self-absorbed, be aware of the needs of those around you
It's not always all about you
If those around you are working like crazy, pitch in and help
Quit making excuses and blaming others
Stop asking others to do things you aren't willing to do yourself
If you aren't perfect, then quit criticizing others
If you mess up, own up to it, don't lie about it
My intentions are to encourage, help, teach, guide, and be responsible, but sometimes others just don't want to play along. I often miss the mark - actually daily - but His mercies are new every morning, and it's up to me to at least TRY to be better tomorrow than I was today.
I know we live in a fallen world, we're imperfect people, sinners at heart, and I don't expect life to be a piece of cake, but...there ARE a few things I expect:
Do what you say you'll do
Follow through with plans if failing to do so wreaks havoc on others' lives
Tell the truth
If it's your responsibility, then DO IT, don't wait for someone else to do it
Don't be so self-absorbed, be aware of the needs of those around you
It's not always all about you
If those around you are working like crazy, pitch in and help
Quit making excuses and blaming others
Stop asking others to do things you aren't willing to do yourself
If you aren't perfect, then quit criticizing others
If you mess up, own up to it, don't lie about it
My intentions are to encourage, help, teach, guide, and be responsible, but sometimes others just don't want to play along. I often miss the mark - actually daily - but His mercies are new every morning, and it's up to me to at least TRY to be better tomorrow than I was today.
Saturday, November 01, 2008
November...Finally!!!
I love November 1st. It's the end of the Halloween season (which we don't celebrate). We're so happy to see the gross and inappropriate humor gone for another year. It's so different from when I was little. We had plastic masks and costumes, we knew our neighbors, no one worried about tainted treats and it wasn't an evening known as a sexual predator's paradise. Seriously, that's all I kept reading about in the headlines for the past few days - it's just sick. I'm all for Harvest Parties to bring in the holiday season, or costume parties with taste, but I realized driving around last night, the line between who's in costume and who's "just dressed that way" is blurring.
November 1st also brings in the Holiday Season. People are nicer, more patient, and most are thinking of others for a change. I love that everywhere you go you see words like JOY and PEACE. I love the candlelights.
This year, due to our finances, and limited space, we probably won't be able to put up our tree. In the past, we had our old, cloth sofa and the loveseat would move into the storage room. This year, we were blessed with gently used leather furniture from our friends. We don't want to put a leather loveseat out to get wrecked, so we're out of room for a tree. Also, there's no money for gifts, but I think it'll be okay. We'll work on making and baking gifts for each other and for friends & family. For the first time, the kids'll have to focus on others instead of which video game or system they want.
We're working on a big family gift in lieu of lots of little presents. If all works out, it could be the best gift we've ever given to ourselves and our kids. I think this year will be a blessing in disguise when a lack of money means our events and activities will revolve around free events at local churches and through the neighboring cities. I'll look for lights to drive by, plays to attend, parades, displays and carolers.
I'm glad the holiday season is finally here - I'm really looking forward to the simplicity of this year - and the cooler weather!
November 1st also brings in the Holiday Season. People are nicer, more patient, and most are thinking of others for a change. I love that everywhere you go you see words like JOY and PEACE. I love the candlelights.
This year, due to our finances, and limited space, we probably won't be able to put up our tree. In the past, we had our old, cloth sofa and the loveseat would move into the storage room. This year, we were blessed with gently used leather furniture from our friends. We don't want to put a leather loveseat out to get wrecked, so we're out of room for a tree. Also, there's no money for gifts, but I think it'll be okay. We'll work on making and baking gifts for each other and for friends & family. For the first time, the kids'll have to focus on others instead of which video game or system they want.
We're working on a big family gift in lieu of lots of little presents. If all works out, it could be the best gift we've ever given to ourselves and our kids. I think this year will be a blessing in disguise when a lack of money means our events and activities will revolve around free events at local churches and through the neighboring cities. I'll look for lights to drive by, plays to attend, parades, displays and carolers.
I'm glad the holiday season is finally here - I'm really looking forward to the simplicity of this year - and the cooler weather!
Friday, October 10, 2008
You Are My Strong Tower
What an awful week this has been! I don't want to re-hash it all here, in fact I've asked God to remove the emotions from all the events and to help me to stop replaying the conversations over in my mind. I have never been so drained, tired, hurt, felt used, felt taken advantage of, disappointed, shocked at others' insensitivities, well...you get the point.
In all this, I've drawn closer to God and He truly is my Strong Tower, my Protector, My Safe Haven, My Father. He loves me more than anyone else here on earth ever could. He has plans for me (and you) better than I could've ever imagined. He gives me strength. He brings me peace. He makes me strong when I'm emotionally weak.
I need to hide for a while. Someplace safe, quiet, where no one can disturb me. God can be that place if I seek His help, trust Him with everything, and submit to His will.
When you need to get away too - seek your Strong Tower of refuge.
In all this, I've drawn closer to God and He truly is my Strong Tower, my Protector, My Safe Haven, My Father. He loves me more than anyone else here on earth ever could. He has plans for me (and you) better than I could've ever imagined. He gives me strength. He brings me peace. He makes me strong when I'm emotionally weak.
I need to hide for a while. Someplace safe, quiet, where no one can disturb me. God can be that place if I seek His help, trust Him with everything, and submit to His will.
When you need to get away too - seek your Strong Tower of refuge.
Saturday, September 13, 2008
We begin at the beginning...
This Tuesday I begin teaching our Ladies' Bible Study group. We'll be learning about the book of Genesis, where it all began. I'm not entirely sure what I'll do, say or teach. I just have confidence that God will use this time to say what He wants and hopefully, He'll stop me from saying what He doesn't want me to say.
I have a few goals in mind:
1. Teach the ladies that they CAN, in fact, pray out loud. Even if it's just one sentence.
2. Give the ladies a foundation of Genesis, to know the characters and events, but even more so, to teach them to see the heart of God towards man: his love, mercy, grace, faithfulness, and final authority of all.
3. To begin to grow a sort of apprentice in the process. I became "the teacher" of the group only because our former spiritual teacher left our study and someone needed to step up. I didn't realize I was growing into that role - I just woke up one Tuesday morning, opened my mouth, and God's wisdom fell out. He gets all the credit for the good - I take all responsibility for the bad where words missed the mark. Someday I won't be in that study, so I hope to seek out a new leader for the ladies I love so much, not that I'm a leader, but I allow God to lead through me at His convenience without any resistance from me. Time to grow the next one.
4. I can't wait to show them how often Jesus is mentioned in Genesis, not by name, but how God planned his life from the very foundations of the world so we could be with God for all eternity - yeah, He loves us THAT MUCH.
I approach this task with excitement, hope, enthusiasm, but most of all, humility. It's God's call - His leading.
By the way, did I mention the curriculum we're using, He gave to me through inspiration years ago?
Pray for our success.
I have a few goals in mind:
1. Teach the ladies that they CAN, in fact, pray out loud. Even if it's just one sentence.
2. Give the ladies a foundation of Genesis, to know the characters and events, but even more so, to teach them to see the heart of God towards man: his love, mercy, grace, faithfulness, and final authority of all.
3. To begin to grow a sort of apprentice in the process. I became "the teacher" of the group only because our former spiritual teacher left our study and someone needed to step up. I didn't realize I was growing into that role - I just woke up one Tuesday morning, opened my mouth, and God's wisdom fell out. He gets all the credit for the good - I take all responsibility for the bad where words missed the mark. Someday I won't be in that study, so I hope to seek out a new leader for the ladies I love so much, not that I'm a leader, but I allow God to lead through me at His convenience without any resistance from me. Time to grow the next one.
4. I can't wait to show them how often Jesus is mentioned in Genesis, not by name, but how God planned his life from the very foundations of the world so we could be with God for all eternity - yeah, He loves us THAT MUCH.
I approach this task with excitement, hope, enthusiasm, but most of all, humility. It's God's call - His leading.
By the way, did I mention the curriculum we're using, He gave to me through inspiration years ago?
Pray for our success.
Saturday, September 06, 2008
Trusting is so hard sometimes.
I'm learning to take one day at a time when it comes to being a working Mom instead of a full-time homeschooling Mom. Last night I went to the local homeschool support group and it was really hard. They listed out all the events for the year and with the exception of a few night events, most take place during the day. It hit me that I've lost the freedom to plan for anything at all. I don't want to help my kids to participate in a Spelling Bee, Talent Show, History Fair, Science Fair - just to find out after months of hard work that I have to work and all their effort is wasted. The get-togethers, the sports and gym classes, they all take place during the day. With my ever-changing schedule, I don't know how to plan for it. I can't ask for a dozen dates off this school year. That's not fair to everyone else.
All I can do is trust God to take something that's gone so wrong and turn it into something good. Trusting and waiting is just so hard when every day is so long to me and so short to God.
All I can do is trust God to take something that's gone so wrong and turn it into something good. Trusting and waiting is just so hard when every day is so long to me and so short to God.
Sunday, August 31, 2008
Who God is to Me
God/Jesus is my:
Father - Protector - Defender - Warrior - Savior - Guiding Light - Beacon - Safety - Shield - Rock - Foundation - Peace - "Slayer of Dragons" - Deliverer - Counselor - Advisor - Mentor - Teacher - Center - Moral Compass - Escape - Love - Friend - Brother - Encourager - Healer - Miracle Worker - Strength - Unchanging Lord over all...
Who is he to you?
Father - Protector - Defender - Warrior - Savior - Guiding Light - Beacon - Safety - Shield - Rock - Foundation - Peace - "Slayer of Dragons" - Deliverer - Counselor - Advisor - Mentor - Teacher - Center - Moral Compass - Escape - Love - Friend - Brother - Encourager - Healer - Miracle Worker - Strength - Unchanging Lord over all...
Who is he to you?
Monday, August 04, 2008
I stayed silent til I was ready.
I haven't been on this blog for a month and it was on purpose. I've had an upsetting, difficult month, and I knew I couldn't write anything positive yet. I've been angry at myself, at my husband, at my circumstances, and for a brief time, yes, I was mad at God too.
A few weeks ago I came home from a particularly difficult day at Bible Study. So many of my friends are hurting so badly and I wish I could do more to help them. I also found out some really bad news concerning a loved one that I again was powerless to help. That same day my husband informs me that I have to go to work. I'm not afraid of work, but the thought of not being able to homeschool my three kids just broke my heart. I didn't eat or sleep for a week. I also have to lose a limb before I cry, yet I was up bawling my eyes out in the middle of the night just thinking of not being able to sit around the table teaching my kids. How in the world would I be able to do all I do, introduce a brand new curriculum, keep my oldest on track for college with complete transcripts, and hold down a job on top of all the other things I do?
I was mad at God for letting it come to this (at first). How could He give me a calling so strong and obvious for homeschooling, and then let us fall into such hard times financially that I couldn't do what He called me to do? I teach, run the house, I'm writing a bible study to share (which I'll teach), and then there's the kids' activities - and now a job? When is it enough? Why do I have to be the one to keep adding on to my to-do lists when Tim only has his 1 job to worry about? Why is everything else my responsibility? I'm a help-meet to my husband? It feels like I'm his entire staff! I read to drop the unimportant busy activities to focus on only the true callings of God - then I'm forced to NOT do that?
God is merciful. He hears our prayers. He knows our needs. He feels our pain. He calms our fears. God found me the perfect job (the only one out of dozens I tried and the only one that didn't even consider NOT hiring me). I have a job where I can teach my kids for 2 hours every morning I have to work, I'm home by suppertime, I get my Tuesdays off for Bible Study and important things, and I don't have to work Sunday mornings so I can go to church. I can start with just 3 days a week and not have to increase to 4 or 5 until the kids and I are into the swing of things academically. It's in a peaceful, low-stress environment (a Victorian tea house, of all places!), and I can earn more there than working hourly somewhere else.
I'm still disappointed, but also owning my share of the responsibility for our finances. I'm sure there were purchases I made I didn't need to make. I probably spent money on the kids that wasn't necessary. I probably used credit cards when I could've used cash - or should've waited. Also, God gave us a wonderful, inexpensive business opportunity to grow our finances but Tim & I didn't give it all the effort we maybe could have. We let time slip by without persistent, consistent effort, so we haven't got the results we could have had by now - and we could've avoided having me go to work.
So now it's up to us to make some real changes. We're going to give more, save more, invest more, and pay cash for everything, buying nothing we don't need. My hope is that by the end of the year, we'll be ahead of our bills enough that I won't have to work anymore. My biggest fear is that while I'm now busy 7 days a week on stuff, Tim doesn't change anything, doesn't get our business to grow, we're dependent on my income, and I'm now stuck in the workforce when I should be home with my children.
I guess it's okay to not know the future, but to know without a doubt that God's in charge, He has a plan, and He loves me more than anyone else. He won't do something to harm me, but it's okay for Him to stretch us.
A few weeks ago I came home from a particularly difficult day at Bible Study. So many of my friends are hurting so badly and I wish I could do more to help them. I also found out some really bad news concerning a loved one that I again was powerless to help. That same day my husband informs me that I have to go to work. I'm not afraid of work, but the thought of not being able to homeschool my three kids just broke my heart. I didn't eat or sleep for a week. I also have to lose a limb before I cry, yet I was up bawling my eyes out in the middle of the night just thinking of not being able to sit around the table teaching my kids. How in the world would I be able to do all I do, introduce a brand new curriculum, keep my oldest on track for college with complete transcripts, and hold down a job on top of all the other things I do?
I was mad at God for letting it come to this (at first). How could He give me a calling so strong and obvious for homeschooling, and then let us fall into such hard times financially that I couldn't do what He called me to do? I teach, run the house, I'm writing a bible study to share (which I'll teach), and then there's the kids' activities - and now a job? When is it enough? Why do I have to be the one to keep adding on to my to-do lists when Tim only has his 1 job to worry about? Why is everything else my responsibility? I'm a help-meet to my husband? It feels like I'm his entire staff! I read to drop the unimportant busy activities to focus on only the true callings of God - then I'm forced to NOT do that?
God is merciful. He hears our prayers. He knows our needs. He feels our pain. He calms our fears. God found me the perfect job (the only one out of dozens I tried and the only one that didn't even consider NOT hiring me). I have a job where I can teach my kids for 2 hours every morning I have to work, I'm home by suppertime, I get my Tuesdays off for Bible Study and important things, and I don't have to work Sunday mornings so I can go to church. I can start with just 3 days a week and not have to increase to 4 or 5 until the kids and I are into the swing of things academically. It's in a peaceful, low-stress environment (a Victorian tea house, of all places!), and I can earn more there than working hourly somewhere else.
I'm still disappointed, but also owning my share of the responsibility for our finances. I'm sure there were purchases I made I didn't need to make. I probably spent money on the kids that wasn't necessary. I probably used credit cards when I could've used cash - or should've waited. Also, God gave us a wonderful, inexpensive business opportunity to grow our finances but Tim & I didn't give it all the effort we maybe could have. We let time slip by without persistent, consistent effort, so we haven't got the results we could have had by now - and we could've avoided having me go to work.
So now it's up to us to make some real changes. We're going to give more, save more, invest more, and pay cash for everything, buying nothing we don't need. My hope is that by the end of the year, we'll be ahead of our bills enough that I won't have to work anymore. My biggest fear is that while I'm now busy 7 days a week on stuff, Tim doesn't change anything, doesn't get our business to grow, we're dependent on my income, and I'm now stuck in the workforce when I should be home with my children.
I guess it's okay to not know the future, but to know without a doubt that God's in charge, He has a plan, and He loves me more than anyone else. He won't do something to harm me, but it's okay for Him to stretch us.
Wednesday, July 02, 2008
Bowing to Christ's Authority
What a great bible study lesson we had yesterday. Beth Moore was saying how we lose our peace when we try to be in control of everything, getting frustrated because we really can't control circumstances, or other people, or events. She said as we bow to the authority of Jesus, our peace increases - who couldn't use that?
A direct connection. The more I'm willing to bow to the authority of Jesus, the more I will find and have his peace that surpasses all understanding? How great is that! I've felt that kind of peace a few times in my life: peace when doctors were saying my 1st pregnancy was ectopic and I had to end my baby's life (I didn't, God performed a miracle, he's 14 and almost never been sick in his life), peace when dealing with a loved one's addictions that were destroying our relationship (that family member was miraculously cured after 20+ years of struggling), peace when there was no money coming to pay bills that were coming due (unexpected money from past transactions showed up), and so many more.....
The important thing I took away from the lesson was that God doesn't FIX the circumstances and THAT gives us peace. He doesn't calm the storm so we feel safe. He shows us peace in the MIDDLE of the storm, it rages all around us, yet we feel calm, safe and confident that whatever happens, it's for the best to serve His purposes.
It often seems unfair when a loved one is sick, or dies, but God can turn anything bad into something good - whether it restores broken relationships, teaches others to be less selfish and more of a servant, brings us closer to Himself in the process; He knows what He's doing. Bow to his authority today and feel His peace in your own life.
God Bless.
A direct connection. The more I'm willing to bow to the authority of Jesus, the more I will find and have his peace that surpasses all understanding? How great is that! I've felt that kind of peace a few times in my life: peace when doctors were saying my 1st pregnancy was ectopic and I had to end my baby's life (I didn't, God performed a miracle, he's 14 and almost never been sick in his life), peace when dealing with a loved one's addictions that were destroying our relationship (that family member was miraculously cured after 20+ years of struggling), peace when there was no money coming to pay bills that were coming due (unexpected money from past transactions showed up), and so many more.....
The important thing I took away from the lesson was that God doesn't FIX the circumstances and THAT gives us peace. He doesn't calm the storm so we feel safe. He shows us peace in the MIDDLE of the storm, it rages all around us, yet we feel calm, safe and confident that whatever happens, it's for the best to serve His purposes.
It often seems unfair when a loved one is sick, or dies, but God can turn anything bad into something good - whether it restores broken relationships, teaches others to be less selfish and more of a servant, brings us closer to Himself in the process; He knows what He's doing. Bow to his authority today and feel His peace in your own life.
God Bless.
Friday, June 27, 2008
Re-writing my Genesis curriculum
I'm re-writing a curriculum I wrote for my kids on the book of Genesis. Even non-Christians know lots of this book: Adam & Eve, Noah, Joseph and his coat of many colors, etc.
Since I've written it, I've had many requests to "upgrade" it to an adult version of a Bible Study. I love the prospect of accomplishing that! I started to overhaul it about a year or more ago, but it wasn't the right time. Now I'm on Chapter 20 and what I call Phase I, is going well. Phase I will be using software to go behind the scenes and come up with background info, geographical references, definitions, and questions to ask. Phase II will involve word studies (using bible dictionaries) and cross-referencing with other bible verses to illustrate or reinforce points of importance. Phase III will be putting it into a usable format, whether it's to be taught in front of a class with students' worksheets, or in a simplified book-type format, or if I buy binder paper and supplies at Office Max and create actual books.
Once it's done, we'll test it out with some of the ladies from my Bible study group at church. They'll help me find my errors, fill in gaps I left, trouble shoot rough spots or unclear points, and tell me if it makes sense, flows smoothly, etc.
If it passes the testing phase, I'd like to try to publish it. Maybe I could sell it as an eBook, or sell it to local churches to try, or something. I think in addition to teaching, I've always wanted to be a writer. Since I only have about a dozen or less devotionals I've "received", I can't really make a book unless I make each one a weekly chapter with a character focus, like a 12 weeks to happiness or something.
I guess I'll just keep plugging away discovering God's treasures in His Word, and trust Him to deciding what to do with it all.
Since I've written it, I've had many requests to "upgrade" it to an adult version of a Bible Study. I love the prospect of accomplishing that! I started to overhaul it about a year or more ago, but it wasn't the right time. Now I'm on Chapter 20 and what I call Phase I, is going well. Phase I will be using software to go behind the scenes and come up with background info, geographical references, definitions, and questions to ask. Phase II will involve word studies (using bible dictionaries) and cross-referencing with other bible verses to illustrate or reinforce points of importance. Phase III will be putting it into a usable format, whether it's to be taught in front of a class with students' worksheets, or in a simplified book-type format, or if I buy binder paper and supplies at Office Max and create actual books.
Once it's done, we'll test it out with some of the ladies from my Bible study group at church. They'll help me find my errors, fill in gaps I left, trouble shoot rough spots or unclear points, and tell me if it makes sense, flows smoothly, etc.
If it passes the testing phase, I'd like to try to publish it. Maybe I could sell it as an eBook, or sell it to local churches to try, or something. I think in addition to teaching, I've always wanted to be a writer. Since I only have about a dozen or less devotionals I've "received", I can't really make a book unless I make each one a weekly chapter with a character focus, like a 12 weeks to happiness or something.
I guess I'll just keep plugging away discovering God's treasures in His Word, and trust Him to deciding what to do with it all.
Friday, June 13, 2008
An amazing dream...
I often ask God for dreams because that's a language He and I speak. He gives me a dream for direction, or to answer a question, or as a warning, and then He gives me the gift to interpret His meaning of it, and I can "get it".
Early this morning I awoke briefly and asked God for a dream to show me what I should be doing, or what He has for me to do for His purposes. I fell back to sleep and had this dream (I'll leave out the non-essential details):
I dreamed I was in a play/film with my boys (they take drama). The moms helped out by being extras. I'd been visiting with relatives and arrived on the set late. I was the only one who hadn't seen the script, so I had no idea what was coming next, where to go, where to be, what lines I may have had, etc.
I was told the film was called "The Return of Don Quixote" (no idea why). I knew in my dream I'd met whoever played Quixote when our group filmed the first Quixote movie/play, but at the moment, I didn't recall who it was.
Next I'm in a scene with the other moms. We're on a schoolbus that gets overturned by a tornado. I don't know what to do, so I wait for a cue from someone, just trying to quietly not do the wrong thing. Suddenly, Don Quixote and his men come to help us out and I see it's Patrick Stewart! Now, in my mind, he would represent someone in authority, the one in charge, the star of the show, the captain of the Enterprise in Star Trek and well as in the Moby Dick movie, leader of the XMen.
Jump to the next scene. I'm on a stool sitting, again not knowing what I should be doing, so I wait for Patrick to give me clues. He takes me by both hands, pulls me off to the side where we quickly exchange friendly greetings with a smile and a few kind words, then...He begins to give me clues, almost in riddle form. Then he asks me, "Now, why do you think I said that to you?" and he waits for me to figure out why, what to do next, etc. He led me like this step-by-step through the scene.
Now here's my interpretation: It appears the message is that I don't need to read the whole script (know the future) to know what's next or how it turns out. I only need to listen to what God has to say. He may appear to be sometimes talking in riddles as I read through the scriptures, but if I just wait, and meditate on what he's saying, figure out WHY he's saying it, finding the intentions behind the words, I can get through things one step at a time. I'll be following very closely in his footsteps, on the correct path He's chosen for me. I couldn't just look around me (at the other moms) to see what they were doing. They had their own things to do. I had to take my directions from the one in charge, a dear friend whom I love to be with.
God is so good. Once again, we spoke and He taught me through a dream. It's our "Love Language".
Early this morning I awoke briefly and asked God for a dream to show me what I should be doing, or what He has for me to do for His purposes. I fell back to sleep and had this dream (I'll leave out the non-essential details):
I dreamed I was in a play/film with my boys (they take drama). The moms helped out by being extras. I'd been visiting with relatives and arrived on the set late. I was the only one who hadn't seen the script, so I had no idea what was coming next, where to go, where to be, what lines I may have had, etc.
I was told the film was called "The Return of Don Quixote" (no idea why). I knew in my dream I'd met whoever played Quixote when our group filmed the first Quixote movie/play, but at the moment, I didn't recall who it was.
Next I'm in a scene with the other moms. We're on a schoolbus that gets overturned by a tornado. I don't know what to do, so I wait for a cue from someone, just trying to quietly not do the wrong thing. Suddenly, Don Quixote and his men come to help us out and I see it's Patrick Stewart! Now, in my mind, he would represent someone in authority, the one in charge, the star of the show, the captain of the Enterprise in Star Trek and well as in the Moby Dick movie, leader of the XMen.
Jump to the next scene. I'm on a stool sitting, again not knowing what I should be doing, so I wait for Patrick to give me clues. He takes me by both hands, pulls me off to the side where we quickly exchange friendly greetings with a smile and a few kind words, then...He begins to give me clues, almost in riddle form. Then he asks me, "Now, why do you think I said that to you?" and he waits for me to figure out why, what to do next, etc. He led me like this step-by-step through the scene.
Now here's my interpretation: It appears the message is that I don't need to read the whole script (know the future) to know what's next or how it turns out. I only need to listen to what God has to say. He may appear to be sometimes talking in riddles as I read through the scriptures, but if I just wait, and meditate on what he's saying, figure out WHY he's saying it, finding the intentions behind the words, I can get through things one step at a time. I'll be following very closely in his footsteps, on the correct path He's chosen for me. I couldn't just look around me (at the other moms) to see what they were doing. They had their own things to do. I had to take my directions from the one in charge, a dear friend whom I love to be with.
God is so good. Once again, we spoke and He taught me through a dream. It's our "Love Language".
Sunday, June 01, 2008
He Gives and Takes Away
Today at church we were singing "Blessed Be Your Name" and the lyrics I'd heard so many times before really hit me. I never really thought about it, but when they say He gives and takes away I always pictured it meaning that although God gives us many blessings, he also takes things away and we have to be thankful for those times too. Although I believe that to be true, today the words meant God also takes away...the bad. He takes away medical conditions, He takes away addictions, He takes away the bad people in our lives that are in the way of His plans for us, He takes away the jobs that would harm us, He takes away pain when we're hurting inside,......
What a paradigm shift. Instead of only focusing on having to be obedient and thankful in the bad times, or disappointments, or unexpected tragedies of life, I know can sing that song with a whole new perspective and joy from within. Although my singing is nothing to be proud of, I know my Father in Heaven will accept the praise just the same.
I hope you find your joy in Him today too.
What a paradigm shift. Instead of only focusing on having to be obedient and thankful in the bad times, or disappointments, or unexpected tragedies of life, I know can sing that song with a whole new perspective and joy from within. Although my singing is nothing to be proud of, I know my Father in Heaven will accept the praise just the same.
I hope you find your joy in Him today too.
Friday, May 23, 2008
Question to ask myself:
Q. Am I using my abilities well to serve others?
A. I believe my spiritual gifts are encouragement/exhortation and teaching. I use those in homeschooling my kids, leading our groups during ladies bible study, and encourage my friends at every opportunity - realizing I may be the only nice person they run into that day, so I better make our encounter count. I've been told by my peers in our small group that they believe I also possess the gift of prophecy. No, I don't mean like a prophet who tells the future, but one who receives information without having to hear or see it, the "behind the scenes" stuff that helps give the right advice. People bring me problems they don't know how to solve, and often I get a sense that something else is going on they aren't aware of, or that God has a message for them that they'll hear through something I say, or a story I tell, or in something I've experienced. So if those are my gifts, yes I'm using them. I guess the real question is if I'm using them to serve enough others?
I've been feeling lately that I have so many friends with so many problems that prayer isn't enough. I want to help beyond just a dozen people or so. I don't think I need to lead millions or be a public speaker or anything, although I would if I felt God really wanted me to do it. But I feel like it may be time to expand my circle of influence. I'm going to spend the next few months trying to reach out to more strangers, people put in my path, neighbors I don't know, maybe even show up to a few events to meet new people. I have a new drive to really help people heal, especially spiritually, and give them hope again. I just don't know how to find them or to help them find me. I'm not a counselor, nor do I want to become one, but I would like to be someone who either writes for others' benefit, or speaks to women that need hope, or be the neighbor that people can trust, I want my life to count for something...to have left the people I've met in better shape than they were when I first met them.
A. I believe my spiritual gifts are encouragement/exhortation and teaching. I use those in homeschooling my kids, leading our groups during ladies bible study, and encourage my friends at every opportunity - realizing I may be the only nice person they run into that day, so I better make our encounter count. I've been told by my peers in our small group that they believe I also possess the gift of prophecy. No, I don't mean like a prophet who tells the future, but one who receives information without having to hear or see it, the "behind the scenes" stuff that helps give the right advice. People bring me problems they don't know how to solve, and often I get a sense that something else is going on they aren't aware of, or that God has a message for them that they'll hear through something I say, or a story I tell, or in something I've experienced. So if those are my gifts, yes I'm using them. I guess the real question is if I'm using them to serve enough others?
I've been feeling lately that I have so many friends with so many problems that prayer isn't enough. I want to help beyond just a dozen people or so. I don't think I need to lead millions or be a public speaker or anything, although I would if I felt God really wanted me to do it. But I feel like it may be time to expand my circle of influence. I'm going to spend the next few months trying to reach out to more strangers, people put in my path, neighbors I don't know, maybe even show up to a few events to meet new people. I have a new drive to really help people heal, especially spiritually, and give them hope again. I just don't know how to find them or to help them find me. I'm not a counselor, nor do I want to become one, but I would like to be someone who either writes for others' benefit, or speaks to women that need hope, or be the neighbor that people can trust, I want my life to count for something...to have left the people I've met in better shape than they were when I first met them.
Friday, May 16, 2008
My journey of belief
I've learned over the years that God puts us through different seasons in our life. I've had seasons of teaching a co-op class, seasons of rest, seasons of just being close to Him, sensing His peace, seasons of joy and excitement, etc.
I knew it was time for a new season when I started my latest Bible Study, but I believe I'm beginning to see what it is. I think I'm entering a season to grow my belief. I don't mean belief in God, or faith; I mean a season of believing God CAN break me of my bad habits, he CAN get us a home that fits our growing family, He CAN get us out of debt (with our hearts right and a consistent effort), and He CAN help my family grow closer together.
Without a vision, the people perish...
My follow-up statement: With a vision, the people flourish!
Praise God for His do-overs every morning!
I knew it was time for a new season when I started my latest Bible Study, but I believe I'm beginning to see what it is. I think I'm entering a season to grow my belief. I don't mean belief in God, or faith; I mean a season of believing God CAN break me of my bad habits, he CAN get us a home that fits our growing family, He CAN get us out of debt (with our hearts right and a consistent effort), and He CAN help my family grow closer together.
Without a vision, the people perish...
My follow-up statement: With a vision, the people flourish!
Praise God for His do-overs every morning!
Saturday, May 03, 2008
Enslaved to Rightousness
We started our new ladies' bible study recently. We're working through the Fruits of the Spirit with Beth Moore. I'm very excited about it and we're not even through the first week! I'm intrigued about the possibility of being "enslaved to rightousness" instead of being enslaved to sin. There are a few areas of my life that still make me feel weak, guilty and hopeless - but now, I really do believe I'll learn to master those too by finally being able to do it in Jesus' strength. I've seen first hand that the power of Jesus can break addictions, bad habits, and change hardened hearts - so this too is possible for me.
I've memorized our main theme's verse in Galatians 5:22-23 - But the fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Against such things there is no law. I've always had trouble memorizing scripture word-for-word, or if I could, remembering exactly where to find it. This is my first real memorization and it was hard since it has so many nouns and they have to be in a particular order. This small success also gives me hope that it's my time to really be touched and to grow in the Holy Spirit.
I can't wait to see where this journey leads!
I've memorized our main theme's verse in Galatians 5:22-23 - But the fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Against such things there is no law. I've always had trouble memorizing scripture word-for-word, or if I could, remembering exactly where to find it. This is my first real memorization and it was hard since it has so many nouns and they have to be in a particular order. This small success also gives me hope that it's my time to really be touched and to grow in the Holy Spirit.
I can't wait to see where this journey leads!
Friday, April 11, 2008
Proper Questions
Good afternoon. I "stole" today's entry from the blog of someone I consider a mentor(www.chrisbrady.typepad.com) because these are the very questions I've been asking myself lately as I strive to be a Servant Leader. The following questions are the Proper Questions we should be asking ourselves if we are to make a difference. There are many you can ask, but here are a few:
1. Who am I going to serve today?
2. What steps am I going to take toward my dream today?
3. What is my purpose in life?
4. What special skills has God given me that point me to my purpose?
5. What activities make me "come alive?"
6. What dreams or achievements can I think about and focus upon to get myself excited about achievement?
7. What kind of legacy am I leaving with the way I am living my life each day?
8. What is the highest picture I can generate in my mind's eye of the kind of person God is fashioning me into for His glory?
9. Am I making the most of my gifts and time?
10. Ten years from today, what would I wish I had been doing?
1. Who am I going to serve today?
2. What steps am I going to take toward my dream today?
3. What is my purpose in life?
4. What special skills has God given me that point me to my purpose?
5. What activities make me "come alive?"
6. What dreams or achievements can I think about and focus upon to get myself excited about achievement?
7. What kind of legacy am I leaving with the way I am living my life each day?
8. What is the highest picture I can generate in my mind's eye of the kind of person God is fashioning me into for His glory?
9. Am I making the most of my gifts and time?
10. Ten years from today, what would I wish I had been doing?
Sunday, March 30, 2008
30 Days to Live
What would you do if you had 30 days to live? Would you spend it working overtime? Watching hours of TV after work? Worrying about having the latest, greatest "stuff"? Would you put off making that call to an old friend? Would you spend it on your hobbies with buddies instead of spending it with your family? Would you put off wondering if your afterlife is secure?
How would you finish this sentence to someone you love?:
"What I really want you to know is....."
As for me, if I had 30 days to live, I think I would find a way to get my husband home for those 30 days (without having to go to work). Then we'd play sports with the kids, go camping, work in a trip or two to see my long-distance relatives, and write out what I do so the rest of the family can have things go smoothly once I'm gone.
I'd be very persistent with my loved ones about the seriousness of belief in Christ paying the penalty for their sins so they could have eternal life in God's presence. I'd scrapbook pages and pages for my kids telling them all my favorite moments with them, why each is special to me, my hopes and dreams for them, and what's really important in life. I'd spend every moment possibly with my husband, telling him all the reasons I love and respect him, making sure he understood I have no regrets or unforgiveness or disappointment in him - he's my hero for so many reasons.
I'd teach another relative to run my family's blog so the long-distance relatives can all stay as close as we are now, even closer. I'd throw a big Bon Voyage party for my friends, letting them each know how they individually impacted my life, what I learned from them, and why they're special.
I'd put off laundry, dishes, floors, worrying, and anything else that steals precious time.
I'd make sure the kids had another family to work with so they can finish their homeschool education.
And I might even take time to pet the housecat :-)
What would you do?
How would you finish this sentence to someone you love?:
"What I really want you to know is....."
As for me, if I had 30 days to live, I think I would find a way to get my husband home for those 30 days (without having to go to work). Then we'd play sports with the kids, go camping, work in a trip or two to see my long-distance relatives, and write out what I do so the rest of the family can have things go smoothly once I'm gone.
I'd be very persistent with my loved ones about the seriousness of belief in Christ paying the penalty for their sins so they could have eternal life in God's presence. I'd scrapbook pages and pages for my kids telling them all my favorite moments with them, why each is special to me, my hopes and dreams for them, and what's really important in life. I'd spend every moment possibly with my husband, telling him all the reasons I love and respect him, making sure he understood I have no regrets or unforgiveness or disappointment in him - he's my hero for so many reasons.
I'd teach another relative to run my family's blog so the long-distance relatives can all stay as close as we are now, even closer. I'd throw a big Bon Voyage party for my friends, letting them each know how they individually impacted my life, what I learned from them, and why they're special.
I'd put off laundry, dishes, floors, worrying, and anything else that steals precious time.
I'd make sure the kids had another family to work with so they can finish their homeschool education.
And I might even take time to pet the housecat :-)
What would you do?
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